I’ve only got two TV girlfriends because I watch very little non-animated television. Chloe (“24”) and Cuddy (“House”) are my heart-throbs. Somehow, over the course of dinner, my wife and I got into a discussion about which of them would win in a fight. Although it was never clarified whether the fight was a physical one or otherwise, I don’t think it matters. As much as I love me some Cuddy, I think Chloe wins, hands-down.
In a physical fight, we all know that Chloe is capable of wielding tasers and high-caliber weaponry with deadly skill, so that’s no contest. And she’s plenty feisty, so I don’t think a fist fight would be much of a contest, either. As for verbal repartee, Cuddy definitely displays a sharp wit when she wants to, but Chloe’s commentary is so biting that I think Cuddy would just wilt. I’d be there to pick up the pieces, of course – but I digress.
Two things I want out of this thread:
I’d love those who know to weigh in on the Chloe-Cuddy battle.
Pit your own boyfriends/girlfriends from the small screen against each other and tell us who you think would come out on top (heh, heh, allllllright!).
That depends on the timing… the most adorable Willow Rosenberg was from the earlier seasons of Buffy (yes, I’m a cradle robber). But the most powerful Willow was from later seasons, in which she was eviller and gayer. So assuming we’re going with early Willow, then the winner would be River Tam, easily defeating Lindsey Weir, Angela Chase, Neela Rasgotra, Robin Lefler, Pam Beasley, Ainsley Hayes, and pretty much every other female character in every Joss Whedon show.
Really? Because I’m thinking that River vs Buffy vs Faith would be some helluva blowout fight, and I’m not sure who would be the last woman standing there.
I think your average Reaver would defeat your average Buffyverse vampire, actually. River slaughtered waves and waves and waves of them armed with nothing more than melee weapons taken from the first few corpses, which is more than Buffy herself ever did. So I say River wins.
I’ll put “Bones” (Temperance Brennan) up against either Chloe or Cuddy in any fight you want to name. There’s something about Emily Deschanel that eclipses both these others, in spite of the fact that I really like all three of them. But if you really want to talk about a matchup to end all matchups, you’re going to have to bring in Janelle Pierzina from last year’s Big Brother. Here’s a picture but that gal was way more than just stunning looking: she won almost every competition she was in.
In our first round, it’s House versus Wilson from the TV show House! Wilson gets points for being more able-bodied, but House fights dirty and has a cane for a weapon. Wilson doesn’t fall for House’s more blantent tricks and ploys for sympathy, but his heart just isn’t in it. He’s a lover, not a fighter, and House advances to the next round.
Next up, House versus Mohinder from Heroes. Mohinder is armed (he’s still carrying the gun), and he’s marginally smarter than we thought he was originally. In the end, though, he’s just too damn nice, and House clocks him over the head.
And in our main event, it’s House versus Sayid from Lost. No contest. Sayid doesn’t fall for the “poor me, I use a cane” routine, and has House in a headlock in 3 seconds flat.
(Oh, and I still say the Cuddy would TOTALLY kick Chloe’s ass. In a verbal fight, Chloe can be bitingly cruel, but Cuddy routinely goes up against House. No one really loses in a physical fight between them as long as some clothes are shed, though.)
I really don’t understand the Chloe love (in general, not regarding the fight). Anyhow, we found out she is more than capable of pulling a trigger but I don’t think she has any advantage physical advantage over Cuddy. Cuddy looks like she is in reasonable shape so I’d probably have to go with her. Sure Chloe can be nasty verbally but she doesn’t strike me as someone who would know how to fight.
Mine would be Veronica Mars vs. Bones. I love Veronica but this one is absolutely no contest. Bones would wipe the floor with her (along with both Cuddy and Chloe, actually). She has the size advantage, we know she is trained in self defense, and lastly, she is crazy smart. She strikes me as someone who would fight with a clear head and no emotion.
Andrew Dan-Jumbo has the muscles and can build anything but Lee Snijders will not build your shelves, he can interiorly design your whole house while he’s at it.
While we’re at it, throw in an under card battle between Ali Azhar and David Bromstad. Ali would win hands down. He’s excellent with a nail gun while David can only splash him with paint.
You’re smoking crack. Spike has moderately superhuman strength. Sylar has 28 different incredibly powerful special abilities. His telekinesis alone is more than enough.
Well, that’s just silly. House is no dummy. I imagine he would be able to size up his competition with Sayid beforehand, and then he’d hire a janitor to slip a heavy dose of Vicodin into Sayid’s pre-fight Gatorade.
James “Sawyer” Ford from Lost versus Alan Shore from Boston Legal:
Sawyer steals Alan’s identity, withdraws all his savings, and charters a private jet to fly to the uncharted island to pick up Sawyer and his pals. All of this happens by satellite phone while the oblivious Alan is smirking and goosing a new assistant’s bottom, unaware that his own assets are being pinched. The now-penniless Alan is forced to take a sideline job as a sexual surrogate.
