I was looking at some pictures of Christina Aquilera and I noticed that whenever she brings out one of her nipples for a public appearance it’s always the right one. I saw one picture that appeared to be featuring her left nipple but further study revealed the picture had been reversed and it was her right nipple impersonating her left one. Now don’t get me wrong; her right nipple is doing a fine job and I have nothing but the highest of regard for it. But I wonder why her left nipple is being kept under cover. Contractual obligations? Union rules? Saving it for her wedding night? Christina’s ashamed to reveal she could only afford to get one nipple pierced? Maybe she lost her left nipple in a freak ice skating accident? Or it could all be part of a long term marketing strategy and Christina’s trying to build up some buzz about her left nipple. Posts like this will launch a groundswell of interest; people around the world will join in with their own theories. Our nation will be paralyzed as no one can talk about any other subject. Then, as the controversy reaches its peak, Christina Aguilera will rip off her top live in a national address before both houses of Congress and reveal her left nipple with the words “BUY MY NEW SINGLE” tattooed around it.
the dog ate it?
it’s a subliminal political statement?
it was horribly disfigured in a kangaroo-hunting accident?
for whatever reason, her left nipples is impotent - and we all know hard nipples make better pictures?
Well, wasn’t it also Janet Jackson’s left nipple which was, more or less, exposed? Perhaps the chanteuses are only expressing support for one another, a Sisterhood of Areola, so to speak?
But what party is she endorsing? Is she saying the right has nothing to hide or that it’s time for our nation to move to the left? I think we all agree the nipple ring is a show of support for our nation’s declining steel industry.