Christmas 2019 NOTICE to Santa

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

CAUTION:

Do not use our chimney to deliver packages tonight, for at least three reasons: (1) It will set off our motion detector, causing text messages to be sent to everyone and the security cams to go nuts, (2) The dogs will bark, the cats will scatter, and (3) since there is a fire in the fireplace, you will toast your furry red ass something fierce and max out your medical coverage.

Instead, we suggest engaging the services of UPS, FedEx, DHL, or USPS, who will give you a tracking number so you know when your package(s) are (not) delivered.

Get your milk and cookies from Mrs. Claus when you return home. What are we, charity?

Thank you!

2

Santa-since it was 73° down here you can come down my chimney. I like lots of goofy gifts. I appreciate even the homemade gifts:D

3

Aren’t all of Santa’s gifts homemade? You know, elves.

I’ve been tracking him on NORAD. He’s headed toward Billings, MT now. Had a rough time in Europe; almost drove off the edge of the earth.

4

Santa, I live in an apartment. You’ll have to come in the front door. It’s locked, but I know you can do it.

Feel free to help yourself to the liquor. I figure you’ll need it by the time you get here.

Hey! Midnight right now! MERRY CHRISTMAS!

5

All You Need Is Elves

“Do you any idea how hard it is to make a 64 bit video system out of wood?”

6

I wonder how he handles the icewall in Antarctica?