After observing some rather boorish behavior in synagogues over the years, I’ve been wondering how Christians behave during church services.
Do people arrive late for church services? Are they allowed in at any point, or do the latcomers have to wait for a certain point in the service to enter? Do people talk during church services? Do little kids run around during services?
That was YOUR shul I was in? 
[sub] Sorry, I couldn’t resist…[/sub]
Zev Steinhardt
Can’t speak for all churches, but only the 3-4 I’ve attended regularly over the years.
People try very hard not to arrive late, but if they do, they are shown to a seat in the back during the most discreet time in the service (during a break between songs, etc.) or seat themselves as discreetly as possible.
Children are not generally allowed to run around. Parents can choose to send their children to the “nursery” during services, or keep them quietly occupied during the service. Of course there are always exceptions.
Conversations during church happen, but are frowned upon. Usually it’s a couple of teenagers whispering, who are given dirty looks until they shut up, or their parents get their attention.
The only deterioration in manners that I’ve seen over the years, and some people don’t see it as a problem–I was brought up that you always dressed in your best, whatever that may be, as a sign of respect (not to show off). Now people seem to think that anything they want to wear, including jeans or skimpy dresses (on people who own much better), is acceptable. I am all for trying to get people to feel comfortable enough to come to church, but I still like the idea of dressing in nice things as a sign of respect. I’m an old fashioned girl that way.
FWIW, I’m Baptist and from the south, female and in my 30’s so you can file that with any other responses as far as denomination and other demographics.
I haven’t been to church in years, but the standard procedure for latecomers was to enter quietly and take a seat in the last pews. To echo what TroubleAgain says, you dress in nice clothes (i.e. your Sunday best). My daughter wears street clothes, and I have a little trouble with that (read - over 40, born and raised in the South, Methodist).
Children unable to sit still and be quiet were required (unwritten law) to be taken to the nursery during church services.
I know that most Catholic churches around my area don’t mind if your little kids sit with you in the pews. There are very few Catholic churches around here that have a nursery for younger kids with lots of energy, which is a shame because I have 3 kids and they make it impossible to hear and retain what was said during mass.
For those who are tardy coming to mass, usually the ushers will find them a seat with no problems. I don’t recall if there are specific rules about when the “cut off time” is.
In my experience, it varies somewhat from church to church. Sometimes, the layout of the church sanctuary makes a difference, as does the size of the congregation. The church I grew up in had a traditional layout – two sides with aisles down the center and on the outside of the pews. In this church, latecomers are seated in the back or on the outside. It’s a big congregation, so about 10 minutes in, everyone is asked to scoot in toward the center so more people can have a seat. Kids are kept quiet in this church, and are expected to at least act as if they’re paying attention.
At the church I attend now, latecomers sneak in wherever they can – the ushers don’t stay by the doors during the service. The sanctuary is built almost in a circle, with the pulpit and choir loft up front, so latecomers are more visible. Not many people come in late because of this. 
However, there is more coming and going during the service – the choir coming in to join the congregation once their song is done, kids getting up to go to the bathroom, things like that. There is also a lot more latitude for kids, which I can appreciate. The church supplies clipboards with paper and colored pencils and things to keep the kids quiet during the service, and once they get older they have a worksheet to fill out about what happened during the service.
This is a smaller congregation, so most people know most people. Because of this, I think, it’s a more forgiving/tolerant congregation: everyone knows that Child X has ADHD and is understanding (to a point) when the parents have trouble keeping him quiet.
Adults are expected to “behave” during the service – don’t hold conversations (short whispered comments are okay - but not a running commentary!), help the kids pay attention, etc.
On the topic of dress: I don’t always “dress up” for church. I’ll wear jeans every now and then (but with a nice top and nice shoes), and I don’t wear skirts very often. This is mostly because I’m young and I have a limited wardrobe. The clothes that I would dress up for church in are also the clothes that I can wear for work, and I need to keep them clean so I don’t get fired! As my wardrobe grows, so will my “dress up” frequency at church.
Demographic info: I’m female, 24, in Seattle. I grew up in a California non-denominational church, and now I attend a Covenant church.
In the Catholic churches that I’ve attended there is usually at least one Mass with a nursery attendant and/or a time when the small kids leave and attend a sort of sunday school during the Mass. Attendance at the nursery or Sunday school is not compulsory but people are expected to keep their children under control. No running around, etc. Each individual priest has a good bit of control of the behavior of his congregation and I’ve seen priests stop Mass and ask parents to remove their children if they are being truly disruptive. I’ve seen them just stop Mass until the parents get it through their thick skulls and get their children out. But I’ve also seen priests who don’t seem to have any control over their congregation or that say that they never find children disruptive. As far as coming late, most people try to get there by the first 5 minutes. If you come in late, most people stand ouside the doors until an inobtrusive time to try to find a seat. Being Catholic, we don’t really hold much of a dress code. I often wear jeans (I have this sneaking suspicion that God sees us all nekkid anyway).
StG
Our church is an older one, so they don’t have anything like a nursery or crying room. What they do have though, is a children’s mass, where it’s not looked down upon if your toddler is gettin’ a little antsy. The preist tailors the sermon to kids and even talks to them and asks them questions. Screaming babies are brought to the foyer in the back. No real ‘cut-off time’ but I was taught that if you missed any part of the first reading (our mass consists of several prayers, 2 readings, gospel, homily then consecration, etc.), you should really attend the next service instead.
Based on my experiences of churches…
Yes. Well, some do. Most show up on time/early. A very few will be there within 5 minutes of the start time. A very, very few show up later than that.
**
It depends from church to church. Generally, the ushers will not allow people in during prayer (as it will disturb others) and sometimes there are specific places in the service where they don’t seat people - however, there’s leeway based on whether there are seats that can be accessed without disturbing anyone, how long and well the late person knows the usher, etc.
**
For the most part, no. Occasionally whispers between people, but generally, people don’t talk to each other more than is necessary (exception, teenagers - somewhere there will be a cluster of teenagers together in one section, and they do whisper to each other, and pass notes, and do other teenager type things. However, they’ll be generally quiet about it, and try and not disturb those around them. They’ll fail at this - but within 3 pews of them, things are generally normal.)
**
No. But then, almost every church I’ve been in has had a nursery, so almost anything older than a newborn to about kindergarten age isn’t in service anyway. The parents of the very smallest tend to sit in the back, with their babies and remove the infants once they start to get cranky. Young elementary school kids (and some times all elementary school kids) are usually either not in the service at all - or escorted out shortly before the sermon to activities that are more age appropriate for them.
I have seen children loaded down with stuff (books, drawing paper, crayons, etc. to keep them seated and quiet) but the closest I’ve ever seen to running around is the occasional toddler who stands on the pew to see what’s happening behind him/her. When the parent catches her, she’s generally sat back down and distracted reasonably quietly.
Dress has gone from more traditional (my dad wouldn’t allow us to wear anything but dresses and skirts to church - my friends were allowed to wear nice pants and pantsuits and short suits, but still dressed up) to now where in many churches, dress has gone to more and more casual (I now wear jeans. I very, very occasionally miss dressing for church - but not often - Easter, I’ll dress).
stargazer - I think I know your church (I grew up in one of the Covenant churches on the eastside), I love that building. Rest of demographic info - 28, Seattle area, now attending a presbyterian church.
Back when I was a practicing Catholic, our church(es) had a nursery in the back with “nearly” soundproof glass… so, no big distractions from the kiddies.
As for coming in late - if you entered while the priest, altar boys, etc were lining up for their entrance, you stood aside and waited for the procession to reach the front of the church and for the priest to ask everyone to be seated. After that point, you generally just tried to walk up the outside of the aisle and find a place to sit without bothering other folks.
I haven’t been to church in ages but generally as stated above people who are late sit near the back, or sneak in at an unobtrusive time.
As to kids, every church I have been to the parents had pretty good control over them, or when they got too noisy would sneak out to the crying room or the entrance. Quite a few of the churchs I went to had Sunday School and though it wasn’t technically cumpulsory, every kid would usually end up there if they were old enough. (Older than toddler, old enough to color and listen to bible stories and stuff). One church I went to we would all sing the first bit then when the more boring stuff began (the sermon) all the kids were ushered out. Well just before actually, and we’d come back in time for the last of the singing.
I can’t remember what church that was though, I just remember there was lots of dancing and singing.
At my church, latecomers usually seat themselves discreetly, or the ushers will seat them where they can find room. (the ushers are standing by the door at all times) We just recently changed the time of our service from 9:30 to 9:45, so the people who used to arrive 15 minutes late at 9:45 are either arriving on time, or a few minutes later. Of course, there are the people who arrive at least 15 minutes late, no matter what the time change happens to be. However, people are not allowed in when the congregation is praying, of course.
Generally, parents with infants and toddlers sit in the back pews, where they can easily remove the children if they cry and disturb the congregation. Of course, it creates a diversion if the children have learned to walk, and (in one case) go up the aisle in the middle of the sermon or something! (which creates a minor disturbance, but the parents are there to take the child outside, if need be)
Whispered conversations in the service are all right, but only if nobody else can hear them. The kids age 12 and under are usually sent to Junior Sunday School before the sermon, so they’re not much of a problem. (they talk amongst themselves, but usually the other people in the congreagation who sit near them are able to discreetly shush them) People pass notes, as well, but only if they’re sitting in the same pew; it wouldn’t do to pass notes across several pews! Some of the younger kids will fidget and move around, but generally they’re pretty good. If their behavior is sufficiently disturbing to others, someone will take them outside, or downstairs to the nursery.
At my church, latecomers usually seat themselves discreetly, or the ushers will seat them where they can find room. (the ushers are standing by the door at all times) We just recently changed the time of our service from 9:30 to 9:45, so the people who used to arrive 15 minutes late at 9:45 are either arriving on time, or a few minutes later. Of course, there are the people who arrive at least 15 minutes late, no matter what the time change happens to be. However, people are not allowed in when the congregation is praying, of course.
Generally, parents with infants and toddlers sit in the back pews, where they can easily remove the children if they cry and disturb the congregation. Of course, it creates a diversion if the children have learned to walk, and (in one case) go up the aisle in the middle of the sermon or something! (which creates a minor disturbance, but the parents are there to take the child outside, if need be)
Whispered conversations in the service are all right, but only if nobody else can hear them. The kids age 12 and under are usually sent to Junior Sunday School before the sermon, so they’re not much of a problem. (they talk amongst themselves, but usually the other people in the congreagation who sit near them are able to discreetly shush them) People pass notes, as well, but only if they’re sitting in the same pew; it wouldn’t do to pass notes across several pews! Some of the younger kids will fidget and move around, but generally they’re pretty good. If their behavior is sufficiently disturbing to others, someone will take them outside, or downstairs to the nursery.
I’ve been to all kinds of Jewish services, as well as Christian services, and I find that Conservative and Reform services tend to be more like church than Orthodox are. The Orthodox service I attended (in Chicago) seemed to be more like a group of individuals praying and doing their own thing, which is what made some of the behavior seem “boorish”. Reform and Conservative, by comparison, seem more structured.
I know you didn’t ask about Jewish services, but I thought I’d add my $0.02.
Robin, who thinks we need a Happy Orthodox Jewish Woman smily.
Evangelical Lutheran checking in. We have a modest size congregation but don’t have a problem with rude behavior. As for children we built a “Noah’s ark” filled with stuffed animals. Children can hold an animal during services and for the most part it has made things much quieter.
Another Catholic checking in … my gosh, I thought I blocked this out, but my best friend and I were BANNED FROM CHURCH once because we were passing notes. Obviously we were not banned from participating in religious life, but it was quite clear that we were not allowed to attend services and sit together until we were better able to behave ourselves. I think we were 13 at the time.
My current church is very dignified in all ways – the congregation is better dressed than at my childhood church, and the children are much better behaved. I have, however, noticed children who seem to be on the brink of misbehaving being on the receiving end of a whack with a very large ladies’ handbag. Dress is more formal than the Catholic norm, IMHO. (I had a friend in college who is a Baptist, and he used to enviously call Catholics “the people who are allowed to wear jeans to church”). My best guess is that the better behavior of my current fellow church-goers is reflective of the cultural make up of the neighborhood.
I have attended Reform services in a synogague with friends several times, and I did notice that there seemed to be a little more chatter from the participants – sort of a “oh, Knighted Vorpal Sword, it’s nice to see you” type thing, said in a quiet (ish) voice, even after the service had begun. Catholics would simply do “the nod” if Knighted Vorpal Sword were to come in after Mass had begun. Catholics are very good at shooting someone the fish eye, if necessary, if there are antics during mass of which they don’t approve.
My Baptist church has a small congregation. 100 people at services is an exceptionally good day, so we don’t have ushers…or many latecomers, for that matter. People who are late just sneak in as quietly as possible and sit where they can.
Children have their own separate service downstairs in the fellowship hall, so they aren’t much of a problem. There’s a nursery as well, but parents who keep their kids with them just leave the sermon if the baby gets fussy.
People talk sometimes during service. Mostly it’s of the “Amen!” variety, but short whispered conversations are okay. My dad whispers to me sometimes. Teenagers aren’t much of a problem, as there are two that attend on a regular basis…and we don’t talk to each other.
As for clothes, there is definitely pressure to dress nicely. It’s never stated, but it’s definitely there. My poor sister has received a dress or skirt every Christmas from my pastor’s family to wear on Sunday. Heh.
jessica
Well, I’m another Catholic, and my parish is full of those who come in late and leave early. Cell phones ringing, beepers going off and kids whining about how they don’t want to be there.
I usually wear jeans to the Saturday evening Mass or the Sunday evening (LifeTeen) Mass, if I go Sunday morning, it’s a little more dressy.
People generally walk in up until the Benediction. If the readings are going on, some will hold off until everyone stands for the Gospel, some won’t.
It’ bugs me, but obviously doesn’t bug everyone else that much. I really enjoy weekday Masses much more - they have the people who want to be there instead of feeling like they have to.
where to start. i would guess it would depend on the type of church you are in.
an orthodox church can be quite the wild and crazy place. many churches don’t have pews, just a few chairs around the walls. people sort of cluster around on the men’s or women’s side. there is a lot of motion. people can be praying near an icon, or lighting candles, or chasing down a munchkin before they gain entrance to the altar area. there can be people singing along with the choir, mumbling prayers, or horrours of horrours, whispering about the people around them (the last is frowned on). in relaxed churches people have been seen sitting on the floor during sermons!!! sometimes the priest has to stop and tell people to quiet down.
in some ways i do enjoy the freedom to wander that we have. in other ways it is very distracting.
so that would be: yes, depends on where in the service, yes, and yes.
When I first saw this set of questions, I immediately thought of three different churches of three different Christian denominations with highly variant standards of decorum and behavior. Here’s a summarized comparison/contrast of the three churches.
Church 1: Almost never. If they do, it’s for an unavoidable reason.
Church 2: The majority of the congregation arrives late, but most are inside within 10 minutes of the scheduled starting time.
Church 3: People wander in and out throughout the service, randomly.
1: All latecomers are let in at designated times and escorted by ushers.
2: Up to 5 minutes late - enter at any time. Over 5 minutes late - wait for an usher to escort you at the proper time.
3: People come and go at any time.
1: No.
2: No, but mostly because the music is so loud you couldn’t hear anyone talking next to you.
3: Yes, and it’s hard to concentrate on the sermon due to the barely muffled whispers.
1: Not generally. Sometimes there’s a fidgety child or two, but their parents quickly get them back in their seats if they try to get up. No nursery/children’s church.
2: No, all children under age 12 are in children’s church or the nursery.
3: Yes, they even run up on the pulpit and jabber and run all around the auditorium. I only went to this church once.