Please help the Jewish guy understand:
Knowing the amount of talking that goes on during a synagogue service, I was wondering - how much talking and whispering goes on during a typical church service? What happens when people come late - can they just come in, or are there designated times when entry is permitted?
SMM
Two different experiences:
UK-based Church of England: Very quiet and quick whispering permissible, but not a whole conversation. Arriving late and slipping in is slightly frowned on but is pretty much ok. You would try and make your entrance as unobtrusive as possible (probably wait for a hymn).
Greek Orthodox: You’re pretty much just making an appearance so turn up any time and leave whenever. You generally ignore the priest, and half the time he’s not in view anyway. Chatting away to neighbours is perfectly fine. In fact most of the men tend to hang around outside smoking.
In my small church, there is not much private talking or whispering. Sure, parents need to have a quick word with misbehaving children or someone might turn to their neighbor and ask a short question but much more than that will get people looking at you. There are sections of the service that ask the worshipers to read aloud liturgies and prayers and similar things. I don’t think that is what you are asking about, though.
Coming in late is similar. The door is always open, but it is considered rude to come in and settle in your seat during a prayer. Most people who come in late stand in the back until the prayer is over, then find a seat. However, once the service is started, half the congregation will sneak a quick peek over their shoulder to see who the late-arriving ( read: lazy) person is. ( I know I do, it’s almost a reflex action.)
For statistical purposes, I belong to a United Methodist church. Methodists make jokes about how repressed we are as a denomination. We don’t even “amen” the preacher much and have to be encouraged to clap our hands when singing “Will the Circle Be Unbroken?”
Our services start with about 25% of the seats occupied. By the time the pastor begins his message most of the seats are occupied. A few will come in during the message.
As for talking there coments made to the person next to you some times. But if someone is having a conversation that will disturbe others they will go out into the lobby.
In all the Catholic churches I’ve been in talking is most defently frowned upon to the point where I’m actually startled if someone whispers to me in mass.
You are expected to be there before mass starts. Some people come in late and the ushers will seat them. In my home parish the ushers do their best to stick them in the front. They usually try to do this during a part when everyone is standing anyway so it is not as noticeable.
We are Episcopalian and coming in late is no problem as long as you are respectful and hopefully sit somewhere near the back. It is a small church but we have a quiet room in the back for people that have kids that are being fussy and that often includes us. You can still see and hear everything but they can’t hear you which is the point. The Episcopal church has long been known as the church of the rich and powerful but it is also pretty laid back. Attire tends to be business casual at best. We even have a “Bless the Pets Day” every year where 1/3 or so of the congregation are dogs sniffing each others rear ends and cats going crazy. Fish and snakes make appearances as well. Most take their special communion just fine. That leads to an environment where people just need to be tasteful about what they do and how it impacts others. Most people do it well.
I agree. It’s a definite no-no in Catholic churches during mass. I’ve seen priests chastise the offenders from the pulpit. It’s also frowned upon at other times, particularly if the Blessed Sacrament is reserved in the church.
In many of the United Methodist Churches I’ve attended regularly, sitting near the back is problematic if you arrive late–those are the most used pews.
That said, arriving late has often not been a problem–including one church where at least a third of the people attending services tended to arrive during the “opening song set”–which drove me bonkers as a choir member, and especially as a bell choir member, because we often performed an introit which it would have been nice for people to be present to hear.
Most countries have no ushers in catholic churches and generally if you arrive late you do your best to enter quietly and stay at the end of the church, in order to disturb the service as little as possible.
Why would your ushers combine “sticking people in the front” (so everybody sees it) with “doing it when it’s less noticeable” (not that it really would be)? Sounds like they can’t make up their mind between discretion and righteous assholiness.
What Shinna Minna Ma describes seems to be strictly in Orthodox synagogues. I have been to only a few Orthodox services and they are as she describes. I have been to many Reform and Conservative services, as well as one Reconstructionist (essentially Conservative except men and women treated exactly the same) and in all them, people sat through in respectful silence and never left early (I imagine there were always a few latecomers).
One thing about Orthodox services is that the women are on a balcony or in an area separated by a curtain and do not participate in any significant way. So they get to talking and pretty soon, the men are following suit. Actually, the men no doing an aliyah (reading from the Torah) are not really participating either.
In my Catholic church, if you enter late, you take the first available seating which is generally in the rear of the church. Talking is a no-no.
Related, you also have those who leave immediately after Communion rather than staying for the last 15-20 minutes (prayer, couple songs, announcements, the exiting procession, etc). I’m sure it’s not smiled upon but I’ve never seen anyone rebuked publically for it and, as long as you’re leaving in the bustle of Communion and not making a scene, I suppose they’d rather have to ditch out early than not come at all.
If you’re between the ages of, say, 11 and 17 and you’ve talked your parents into letting you sit next to your friends instead of next to them for the service, a whole lot of talking and whispering goes on. In general, it’s not really a place to chat.
In my church, they prefer that people not enter the service during prayer because it’s distracting to the pray-ers, but other times during the service, people are allowed to come into the room. Usually, people don’t wander in and out though.
(Presbyterian Church)
I really don’t think they are trying to be jerks. To be jerks the rest of the people would actually have to be upset about people that come in late, but I’ve never met anyone that does. The fact is, the majority of the time, the only pews that will hold more than a couple of people are in the front as the rest tend to be full.
My church is pretty much the same as the UK Church of England’s standards: come in as quietly and quickly as possible, and whisper if you need to, and you’re all good. We’re mostly a family-based church, though, so lots of stuff is fairly lax.
At neopagan circles, lateness is practically a sacrament, it seems. We tend to do things in circles, so it’s generally possible to casually sidle up to the outer edge without making a fuss, but you will be seen, ir being a circle and all. But you’re also bound to have at least one dramatic ninny who’s got to come in 20 minutes after we’ve started (which is 45 minutes after the posted start time), tripping over her own scarves, dropping drums and giggling about “Pagan Standard Time”. If you’re the one running the circle, you smile sweetly, cut her into the circle, and silently remind yourself that you pledged never to draw another’s blood with your athame.
We were rebuked in general for leaving early by a previous pastor. During the final announcements the priest pointed out that, “Until I say ‘The mass is ended, go in peace,’ mass is not done. If you want to slip out after that rather than sticking around for the final song, that’s your business. But it is discourteous to leave before the end of mass.”
People still leave early. But they did heed his other warning about not parking in the “no parking” zones. (the parking tickets probably helped)
you may get away with it in a greek church, i wouldn’t try it in a russian one! the greeks (at least outside of greece, like say the u.s.) are known as the more liberal type of orthodox.
people will look at you coming in late, like you stepped in it, and talking will get you a death look, if not a personal visit from one of the elder ladies.
milling about putting up candles and visiting ikons is okay during certain parts of the service (litanies). you will get a personal visit if you try to move around during a part that would not be okay. (readings from the bible, small and large entrances, mercy of peace, creed, lord’s prayer, communion, etc.)
I’ve never been to an Orthodox service, but at least one of all the others (many reform, a couple conservative, one reconstructionist) and I was very confused by the OP. In my experience the amount of talking considered acceptable is about on-par with what you’d get in a theater. I remember a few times when I got dragged to services with my parents, and slipping out to even use the restroom was quite literally frowned upon*.
What’s the point of going if you’re just going to sit and yap with your friends?
*Granted, my parent’s reaction was because they usually knew I had a book in my purse and was going to go sit in the hallway and read…
I suspect that to most kids that is the point of going. I went to Anglican boarding schools where we were sent to chapel every day, and it was essentially a chance to catch up on the previous days’ gossip. Perhaps 30-40 of 400 students were genuine believers.
Are you sure you haven’t circled in Denver lately? 
'cause I swear to all that’s Divine, you’ve just described a HUGE portion of the pagan community here. And it drives me absolutely batty.
I do not ascribe to Pagan Standard Time, and neither do any of the people with whom I perform ritual. If you’re not there at 15 minutes past the stated start time (which is the only cushion we leave), we’re locking the door and not letting you in (if we’re indoors), or we’re not cutting you in if we’re outside.
Pagan Standard Time is shorthand for “I’m too stupid and egocentric to care about inconveniencing others.”