I got suckered into playing in a game of church league softball last night. I don’t attend church but my friend wanted me to play and they were short on players so I figured, what the heck?
So I go out there and warm up with everyone in this field that is smaller than the fields that I use to play little league baseball when I was 8 years old. :rolleyes:
Everyone is finally present and ready and someone yells out “Play Ball, One Pitch.” This sentence doesn’t register in my brain until the game acutally begins.
We are the visitors so our first batter goes up to bat. I am confused as I look out on the field and see one of our own players pitching the ball. Maybe the other team is short on players or something I thought. The first pitch of the game is low and falls on the ground about two feet in front of the batter and rolls past him. He suddenly looks agrivated and begins walking back to the dugout. “One Out” someone yells from the other team. In my mind I am thinking, what the hell? The second batter steps up and fouls away the first pitch. He too begins walking back to the dugout angry. “Two Outs” the other team yells out. What the hell?!? I ask my team mates and they tell me that you only get one pitch in church softball. If its a bad pitch, its an out. If you swing and miss, its an out. If you foul, its an out. :rolleyes:
Our third batter steps up the the plate and easily launches the ball out of the park for a home run. (remember, the field is TINY) I’m the fourth batter and as I step up to the plate I hear someone behind me say, “Don’t hit it over the wall.” I am 6’6" and weigh 250 lbs so I figured it was just somone from the other team joking with be because of my size. I get a good pitch and blast the ball over the right field wall for a home run. As I am making my victory lap around the bases I am stunned as the other team begins walking off the field and my team mates appear with their gloves in hand. “What the hell!?” I ask my friend who invited me to play as he handed me my glove. “Dude, you can’t hit more than one home run in an inning or its an out.” :rolleyes:
Who makes up this shit? Who would want to alter the game of softball so much as to completely ruin the experience? I can understand that there are women out there. I can understand a few alterations of the rules to make it easier on them… but this is taking it too far! If you want to play softball, then play softball. If you want to make up your own rules, then make up your own game, but please don’t call it softball. I guess this should be expected coming from a church league. Churches do nothing more than try to control every aspect of your life, why would they be any different with the game of softball? I should have known. :smack:
Man, that sounds boring as hell. The only way softball is fun is if you’re drinking beer anyway. And since we can’t expect that at your average church function, you should have known it was going to suck.
Though the stretch from softball to religion controlling your life was admirable, you might like to know that not only churches play this type of softball.
Do a web search for “one pitch softball” and you’ll see. It’s done to speed the game up.
Well regardless of whether it’s at a church sanctioned event or someone other type of league it shouldn’t be called “One Pitch Softball”. I think “One Pitch Bullshit” would be more appropraite.
“I’m going to play a game of softball with the church honey … be back in 15 minutes.” = bullshit.
Even with the stupid rules, why weren’t the first three batters hitting for singles? The guy hitting in front of you should have gotten chewed out for hitting a homer in front of you with nobody on base.
Then there is the volleyball version of this type of blasphemy. That’s when they put 9 or more players on a side in three rows. Then you stand around for a while and watch the people who are dozing off get hit in the head by the ball.
I agree - either do it right, or don’t play the game at all. Half measures are the curse of life.
OK, it’s a monumentally stupid game, but don’t equate it with “church softball” just because it was church teams that you discovered playing it. As someone pointed out, this is a variant that is played by park leagues everywhere, church-inclusive or not.
Secondly, I’ve been in three churches that have had softball teams (usually several teams) and they were all your standard slow-pitch softball rules. Some were very competitive community leagues (we played against Tom’s Tavern and Mike’s Drilling Supplies, not just other churches). Others were less than competitive.
The whole thing of saying “this is dumb; figures they are from a church” is pretty tiring.
Man, that’s the dumbest, most chauvinistic thing I’ve heard all day, regardless of whether or not there is a single decent female softball player in any church league.
:rolleyes:
Church notwithstanding (there are some churches that wouldn’t dream of doing this, I’m sure), that is about the lamest thing I’ve heard all week. Could someone please clue me in to the advantages of such a game?
Sheesh, it reminds me of when we were kids and afraid to lose the ball, so a home run over a fence shielding a largely inacccessible area (like a pissy neighbor’s backyard) was an “automatic three-outs”. :rolleyes:
Really? Why? It seems pretty accepted socially that women have a hard time competing athletically against men. This is why the Olympics segregates male and female competitors. Do you think the Olympics are chauvanistic? What about pro sports?
This reminds me of an incident I was involved in during fifth grade. The whole class had to play softball during recess. Except: Girls counted only 1/3 of an out. They also go four pitches. Plus, the lineup had to alternate between girls and boys. Any girl could cut in line in order to maintain this order, if necessary.
In retrospect, it’s not surprising at all that me and another guy wandered off to play in the playground next to the ballfield. Then the (male, oddly enough) teacher showed up, yelled at us, and marched us back to the game. That’s how I learned that the entire clas had to play softball. I spent the rest of the period standing in the outfield with a glove, bored shitless.
National slow pitch rules usually impose some form of home run limit. It’s to keep leagues from being dominated by 325-pound fatasses who can’t play baseball but can hit the ball a long way because of the torque generated by their massive guts. In my league you actually have to be able to play defense.
But ONE PITCH? Wow. You should play lob ball, at least. It’s harder than it looks.
There are a million similar variations in softball leagues all over the country.
In my area the most common version (and I want to say it’s Class B rules for state softball tournaments, but I’m not sure about that) is: Seven innings; 10-run rule after five innings, 15-run rule after four, 20-run rule after 3; any more than four home runs are outs; and foul balls are strikes.
The reasons for these rules are pretty simple. Home run derbies make games last forever and aren’t very fun to watch (or for the losing team, for that matter - poor sportsmanship an’ all). Four games on each field starting at 6:30 means that if softball is played with ‘normal’ rules no one would get home til 2 a.m.
shrug It seems to work fine. I wish they’d cut the home run rule out and make anything after four dingers a strike…but the guys that have to shag flies aren’t too keen on that idea.
At first I was concerned with the apparent travesty you described.
But then you got to this part:
and it became clear that you weren’t talking about softball after all. So who care what mickey mouse rules they make up? It isn’t as tho you can really ruin a game of kittenball.
Let me know when you folk start discussing the real game.
