I am inrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter,** Evil One.**
To be properly enjoyable within the outlandish Star Trek framework, I propose that Sam Jackson’s character be revealed as being merely one of five separated orphaned quintuplets, each one adopted by yet another of Star Trek’s major alien races and risen mightily within the military forces of these respective empires. Why should the Federation have all the fun?
Klingon Jackson: Today is a GOOD day to die, Motherf----r! Can I have some of your tasty prune juice to wash down this gagh?
Romulan Jackson: I’m sorry! When I blew up your flagship, did I break your concentration? Please, continue. You were saying something about being sorry for crossing into the Neutral Zone…?
Vulcan Jackson: If you find my answers upsetting, you should cease asking me questions, stupid-ass human.
Ferengi Jackson: Where’s all the gold-pressed latinum you owe me? DO. I. LOOK. LIKE A BITCH? Hand it over!
And your point is? Celion Dion has made more money during her life than I’d wager most classical composers ever did, but I doubt that a hundred years or so from now she’ll be remembered as well as them. Heck, I bet the Backstreet Boys did better than a number of them. Don’t mean a thing.
But to bring this back to the Couchjumper for a moment, can he claim a worldwide legion of fans who hold conventions where the faithful shell out big bucks for memoribela? At a recent auction, props went for some serious bank. Has there been an auction of Cruise-themed stuff that has done as well? Do the legions of Cruise fans go so far as to dress like him especially when they’re participating in a trial which has attracted international attention? Would the accumulated total of all Cruise-related merchandise (action figures, books, dvds, etc.) compare with the billions that Paramount has raked in with Trek?
In a nod to “Turnabout Intruder,” Cruise plays a man desperate to be taller, so he trades bodies with Wesley Crusher (played by 5-foot-11 Wil Wheaton).
It bugged me many years ago when someone in the Star Trek Universe used the term “engram”. That’s a Scieno term (although they didn’t originate it, but nobody else has been using it for the past several decades), and it suggested to me that either there were scientologists around that might be contributing to the scripts, or else the term is floating around so much in the LA film community that folks don’t realize how loaded it is.
So on one hand you have poorly written science fiction, which thousands of fervently idelogical cultists hold up as a beacon of hope for the future of the human race; on the other hand there’s Scientology.
Sounds like a plan. (But will you have to pay at different times throughout the movie?)
Actually, I’ve thought Tom Cruise would be great in a Trek film, but, now that he has this ‘I hate Tom Cruise and will never let the couch jumping thing go and I’ll conveniently forget that he personally apologized to Brooke Shields, I will forever villify him’ going it may be hard to beat.
I agree. I mean, almost all of the best ‘guest’ stars in Trek have played villianous aliens (Christopher Lloyd). Cruise would be great in a role where he was make-uped enough to not look clearly like Cruise.
So what would happen when Commander Couchjumper has to report to Counsellor Troi? Does he tell her that he knows about telepathy and empathy and she doesn’t?
These are really funny, but unlike brianjedi, (who clearly ought to know better) there is no way I’m standing in line for a Sam Jackson Star Trek movie. Not after I shelled out for three Sam Jackson Star Wars movies.
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