“I have HAD IT with these muthafuckin’ Tribbles on this muthafuckin’ Starship. Yes they deserve to die, and I hope they burn in HELL!”
Maybe not; Chef was Scottish, after all.
“Gonna get down with you, Yeoman.
Gonna get down and make sweet Holodeck love.
Gonna get down with you, Yeoman.
Gonna make sweet love at warp nine.”
Samuel L: They say this Cap’n shaft is a baaaad mutha…
Vanessa Williams (as ensign Vasquez): Shut yo’ mouth!
“You can ride my tail any time, Jean-Luc.”
Oh, God. 
Ernie Reyes, Jr. perhaps?
Maybe he could be Bones: “I’M A DOCTOR, BITCH!”
I’d pay if only to see this scene:
Captain Anybody: Alright lieutenant, here’s your uniform.
Cruise: But, this shirt is…red!
Captain, with a big grin: That’s riiiight! (Then the captain pulls off a mask to reveal she’s Brooke Shields) And guess who’s doing security duty on today’s away mission?
Well, maybe he really is a good actor.
Charles Nelson Reilly? Can’t get much bigger than that.
I think Cruise is batshit insane myself, but I still like him as an actor and my most fervent wish for him, which will never come true, is that he’ll wake up one day and realize that $cientology is a bunch of alien cult bullshit, and that he’ll tell his “good friend” (read: main handler) David Miscaviage (or however you spell it) to go fuck himself.
No joke about Cruise’s crazy $cientology crap bothers me. He deserves every bit of it. But, you know, could we maybe lay off the short guy jokes? Those are offensive to me, even though I’m not a short guy. And yeah, I also hate the fat jokes when Rosie comes up. Rosie’s either a bitch or not (I have no opinion) but her weight or sexuality has nothing to do with it.
Mel would have lots of carnage as Commander Martin Riggs.
That would be cool.
Star Trek XII: The Search for Hubbard
Bah. I don’t really care about the crazy $cientology crap, I just think he is the ultimate one dimensional bad actor. He peaked with Risky Business. I went against my better judgment and went and saw War of the Worlds and I very much doubt after that disaster I will ever go see another Tom Cruise movie.
He is crazy and I guess the $cientology makes him crazier, but other actors have been Batshit crazy and still managed to be good actors. Jack Nicholson comes to mind. 
Jim
I think he deserved a bunch of awards for Magnolia, even though he did put his $cientology Stare to perfect use. I’m not a big fan or anything. I’ve never even seen Top Gun or Jerry Maguire, and they don’t much interest me, but he can do a good job sometimes. I think that if he renounced $cientology I’d be an acual fan. I’d love to see him get serious about being a better actor, and choose to work with quirkier, more interesting directors, I think he’d be pretty great. Not that Spielberg isn’t interesting (I happened to like Minority Report and even War of the Worlds) but I’d want to see Cruise work with people like Paul Thomas Anderson more often. Those are my Tom Cruise fantasies and I know they’ll never come true.
True. At least Jack doesn’t belong to a crazy alien cult.
I think it’s really clever when someone puts that dollar sign in Scientology.
What other “religion” charges you hundreds of thousands of dollars before they’ll tell you their basic belief system?