Does anyone get these things every year? They are usually long letters reporting on the state of things usually from a relative. They are called ‘circular’ because in the old days, they were sent from family to family in order to save on labor and stamps from the originatior. Well, every year I get one of these from the most pompous, self-centered, deluded bore that I have ever known. She tells the unfortunates (over a hundred of them) who receive this missive everything that she has done over the last year; when she went out with friends, who they were (full names and cities), and what she orders when she goes there. What she has purchased as far as appliances, clothing, and in one case, an automobile, and what they cost. Also, she openly brags about the kudos she gets from management regarding her performance on the job on what seems to be an astonishiongly frequent basis. Well, hoopdy doo for you and who the fuck cares?
Does anyone know of a good parody on these letters? Can anyone write one? I tried but I do not have the talent to write something so imaginative.
wow I thought I was going to have to rush in and defend the letter ‘O’
I’ve never received a letter as your describing if I did on a yearly or more regualr basis it would just go in my recycling bin like the rest of the spam mail.
Ah, the annual holiday letter rant.
Here is a link to last year’s edition.
I tend to agree with you, but as you will see from last year’s thread, there are those who take a somewhat different view.
Most of them are okay, if unimaginative and overly long. The ones I used to hate were the ones from my oldest son’s ex-wife and my brother’s daughter. Both loved to talk about how sick and miserable they were all year long and what fucking martyrs they were. Just die, already, and give us all a fucking break.
yff
Try some of these:
[ul]
[li]http://www.anickoftime.ca/xmas/xmletter.html[/li][li]http://www.tedpack.org/xmasnews.html[/li][li]http://www.irrelativity.com/christmas_letter_05.html[/li][li]http://www0.epinions.com/content_4599554180[/li][/ul]
I’m still creeped out by the aunt’s holiday letter that was full of travel and conferences and things done blah blah, and in the very last paragraph she mentioned that, oh, yes, her husband had passed away a couple of months ago.
shudder
Careful, that letter has a tawdy and sordid story behind it.
I think you might enjoy some of the stories/letters from Holidays On Ice by David Sedaris.
One of my favorite books; very funny.
I love the review of the school nativity play.
I gave serious thought to starting a thread wherein the dopers would help me craft a ludicrous holiday letter. I thought this would be fun and my friends would probably be amused as well.
But I never got around to it.
Yep. The Story of O is one dirrrrrty story - I read it when I was about 15 years old and was quite enlightened by the end … :eek:
I hate those letters, too. Especially if I’m mentioned in them. In the vast majority of years, I don’t do anything that would merit mentioning in a holiday letter, and I don’t like being reminded that I’m doing nothing with my life.
Huh. I have a cousin that sends out a “family update” letter every year at Christmas. Always look forward to getting it. She usually keeps it to about a page, sometimes two. Tells us about the highlights of the year…her daughter on the basketball team, her husband’s job/hobbies, her own activities (very soccer mom/church lady type stuff), adventures of the new puppy, etc. It’s not the kind of life I’ve chosen for myself, but good to know she’s doing well.
Really? Reading your posts always makes me picture a soccer mom who likes baking cookies for all the neighbor kids. 
My family used to get one from a high school friend of my mom’s. It was normal, enough, for a long time. “Joe’s going to be in preschool this year, Lisa is loving first grade…” Meh, ok. They boasted a lot about new cars and such, but whatever.
Then it got odd.
One year was written from the point of view of the youngest kid. “My dad works hard but he always finds time to take a couple weeks off to fly the family to France each year.”
O… K… we get it.
Then it got odder.
From the point of view of the dog. I don’t remember any lines specifically… but it was from the point of view of the dog.
Then, the very last one we got, was from, and I kid you not, the washing machine. THEIR FRIGGIN’ WASHING MACHINE! I found it so disgustingly stupid I didn’t even read it.
Someone must’ve told them “Cut that stupid shit out!” afther the new washing machine card because they stopped sending cards.
Holy crap, I wish you would see if anyone still has a copy of those. I would love to read them.
I sent one out this year, it was just a few lines about what we’re doing (which are all very typical, non-noteworthy things) surrounded by a bunch of photos of the kids doing goofy stuff. My favorites are the one of my daughter with green paint all over her face, and the one of my son lining up cans of cat food across the kitchen floor.
Well, I thought it was funny.
I did at least write a couple of lines of inquiry on the cards themselves - I really like personal notes at Christmas, and miss having more time for writing them.
i thought they were called ‘circulars’ because they get sent straight to the ‘circular file’ i.e. the bin.
I wish I’d thought about that earlier, I could have done with some assistance.
Mainly because circumstances demand it, I’m composing a typically breezy but hopefully not too self-indulgent one to send out to faraway friends and relatives, but at the same time wanted to compose an anti-version for my blog. I tried out some parodies, but wasn’t too pleased with the results.