Classic Literature Meets the Modern World

A couple weeks ago, as I was driving home through Oklahoma on I-40, I ran over a turtle. Unfortunately, I didn’t see it in time to do anything to avoid it and I couldn’t move because of other traffic around me, so the poor turtle went squish. Describing it later, I said it was like The Grapes of Wrath meets I-40, and this got me wondering about what the book would have been like if they were going west on I-40 instead of Route 66. The novel sure would have been faster, that’s for sure.

That got me thinking about other novels and classic works of literature and what they would be like today. (The first one to mention West Side Story gets slapped. Same with any 1984 or Brave New World references. Or Heart of Darkness, now that I think about it.) Unfortunately, I’m not clever enough for this sort of thing (more that classic literature isn’t what I read for pleasure), so I turn to the Dopers to see if you all have any ideas.

Well, continuing the turtle motif, what if prominent bald men were to be killed, Aeschylus-style, by having turtles dropped on their heads by eagles? (Karl Rove seems suitably pated)

Well, I’m not sure why you’re vetoing the books mentioned in the OP, but I wasn’t thinking of any of them, so here goes.

—Huckleberry Finn could hitch around the south; that would be interesting. For that matter, either he or Jim might know how to hotwire a car, and drive themselves.

—Holden Caulfield would meet other disaffected teens like himself, and perhaps not even want to leave Pencey. Although it’s debatable if there would be so many disaffected teens if CITR hadn’t been published when it was. :wink:

—Johnny Tremain would be filthy rich after suing his employer.

—I once pointed out that Sara Crewe, in **A Little Princess{/b], wouldn’t be penniless for more time than it took for her father’s business partner to recover from his yellow fever. He could easily follow a paper trail to her school, instead of sending his assistant to Moscow on a fool’s errand.

—Imagine how much spying Mme. Defarge could have done if she’d had a cell phone and internet access.

Odysseus uses

This time it takes thirty years to get back home. But he’s racked up a lot of travel points.

Pip would be on The Apprentice.

The miners in How Green Was My Valley would be filing OSHA complaints.

Heidi would organize an Alpine Iditarod.

Meg, Jo, Amy, and Beth would all be Bachelorettes, as would the Bennett women.

Hamlet would pore out his angst in a blog filled with lots of incorrect spelling and improper punctuation. Oh, wait a minute.

Wuthering Heights: Lockwood would have Catherine’s diary up on eBay before you could say Jack Robinson. “HAUNTED journal. (REAL!) spooky”

Scarlett O’Hara would offer to be a surrogate mother for Ashley & Melanie, then fight to keep the child. Belle Watling would sue Rhett for palimony and child support. Scarlett & Belle would move in together and start a riding school/curtain shop.

Atticus Finch is relegated to the role of assistant document-fetcher when the ACLU comes to town and takes over Tom Robinson’s case. This so disillusions Atticus that he abandons the practice of law and becomes the next John Grisham, piling up millions of dollars writing novels about down-home Southern lawyers.

Bravo! the best imagined outcome yet!