Cleaning tips for the Ultra lazy.

No no no … too much like hard work!

Make an anonymous call to the police, telling them you’re sure you saw someone in this garden, in the middle of the night, burying what looked suspiciously like a body.

Your garden will be cleared and dug over in a trice. :smiley:

Floor + dog = clean.

Take the wrinkled shirt that you want to wear today out of your closet. Don’t get out the iron: instead, take a wet, clean washcloth and shove both shirt and washcloth in the dryer and let 'em tumble for about 20 minutes. The wrinkles should let out enough to where you won’t look like an unmade bed.

Or, if you’re having a bath, take that same shirt and hang it up in the steamy bathroom … the creases will just drop out.

Hang your dirty cookware outside in the raging sandstorm and get them sandblasted clean…

I can see that some of you are mere amateurs, but luckily for you I have for some years been involved in an in-depth study of housework-avoidance. Here are some of my findings:

  1. LOTS of crockery. Why go through the whole exhausting dish-washing ritual more often than you have to? Wait until you have a really big load, and all kitchen surfaces are covered, and do them all at once. The added advantage to this is that there is no need to clean the work surfaces inbetweentimes as they are unseen and unuseable anyway.

  2. LOTS of clothes (try to stick to one colour, if possible), and a very large laundry basket. The same principle as above applies. Why spend time sorting through dirty clothes to make up a load of lights and darks when you can just sweep an armful off the top and hurl it into the machine? This has an added bonus as well: should you have an unprecedented urge to wash, you will find clothes that you had completely forgotten about, which is always a pleasant surprise.

  3. Invest in a cleaner. Yes, it’s expensive, but that way you get to sit around relaxing secure in the knowledge that the bathroom is clean (you should have some standards).

  4. When the cleaner goes on holiday and things get so bad you begin to question the wisdom of your laziness, invite people outside of your intimate circle for dinner. Your laziness will disappear long enough for you to clean the house so that they won’t think you are a complete slob (don’t make the mistake of inviting people you know well to dinner at the same time: they will invariably make some loud remark about the unfamiliar sanitary conditions).

  5. Dust doesn’t exist. Accept this fact, and don’t even think of looking for proof. If anyone else is willing to offer you proof, blame your poor eyesight, and banish them from your home forthwith.

  6. If you have pets, warn your visitors beforehand, and inform them of the color of your animals. This way they can make sure their clothing matches the pet hairs.

The best thing about this way of life is that it gives you a very strong immune system.

Wow, thanks! My swiffer wet-jet can see the light of day once more! Huzzah! :smiley:

I usually disregard those types of emails but I get a little neurotic when it comes to my cat.

Oh, who the hell am I kidding. I’m neurotic, period.

[sing-sing voice] Glad to be of service.[/sing-song] I get all this glurge and urban legends from my family via email, and I’ve pretty much given up on Snopesing them back. But recently, my mother made me so proud … I got the beware-of-Swiffer email from her, followed just a few hours later, unprompted by me, by a retraction accompanied by the Snopes debunking.

My cleaning tip for the lazy: Don’t do dishes, just fill the sink with hot soapy water, add dishes, and add about a half-gallon of bleach. Go away for a while. When you come back the dishes will only need rinsing, plus the sink will be clean as well.

Also, you can get pretty far in the bathroom using bits of toilet paper and rubbing alcohol to clean everything. This works best if you cleaned with a sponge to start, but even if you didn’t, it’s a lot better than nothing.

To bathe your cats, fill the tub all the way up to the top with hot soapy water, add cats, and bat them down with an oar or something each time they surface. It’s like Whack-A-Mole. :wink:

My cats are invaluable household cleaning tools.

My orange tabby eats anything that hits the floor, whether it’s foodstuffs or not, so no mess to sweep up.

If I drop something that I need under the furniture I just wait until my white/gray tabby fishes it out for me. He always brings things he finds to show me.

My black longhair cat makes an excellent mobile dust mop and cobweb collector. She loves to climb too which is a nice bonus-she gets all those webs on top of the bookcases.

And most importantly, to me anyway, all three of them eat bugs.

I got you all beat.

Just live in filth. That’s what I do. The ultimate time saver!

Better yet, live in a hotel or motel room. Daily maid service and all the “dishes” get restocked!

Have to disagree with this one. My dogs seem to spread huge amounts of dog-hair wherever they go - the main housework task in my house is vacuuming up the dog hair … it’s amazing how two smallish dogs can produce so much excess hair.

They are good at licking anything that gets spilled in the kitchen when I’m cooking though - and I have to be careful where I put my plate after I’ve finished eating - as Dylan will lick every last drop of food off it … it may look clean, but I wouldn’t really fancy eating off it again until it had been in the dishwasher - I’ve seen where his tongue’s been!!

Oh, I forgot my favorite lazy man shortcut, and it is almost exclusively for our dogs. (We have 2 pugs, 'nuffsaid, I hope)

Now, it doesn’t get the deep dirt, you’ll still have to vaccuum once or twice a month, but it’s also amazing on hard surfaces. Linoleum, hardwood, and I even tried it on concrete with wonderful results.

We have 2 of them and will never go back. (Though I went extra lazy and got the model from the previous generation with remote controls) Yes, I can literally sit on my couch and let it either do it’s thing, or use it like a remote-control toy. Man, I’m a sucker for electronic toys. :smiley:

Spray the cat with lemon pledge, take feline to the base of the bed, smack it on the ass and watch it remove those pesky dust bunnies.

I used to go through the drudgery of vacuuming, until one day I had an epiphany. Since vacuum cleaners are just fans, I have a huge cleaner living on the ceiling of my hallway. Set on high, and open the door and window in the room you need to vacuum. Allow several minutes for thorough cleaning-enough time to get a beer and read a few threads. Close that door and window and repeat for other rooms as needed. All Betty Bright spiffy. :smiley:

Sex toys for example. Tip for the lazy and perverted. :slight_smile:

[Quentin Crisp] After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.[/Quentin Crisp]

Considering some of these “tips” I don’t think you’re the only one. :smiley:

My cleaning tip for the lazy: Don’t do dishes, just fill the sink with hot soapy water, add dishes, and add about a half-gallon of bleach. Go away for a while. When you come back the dishes will only need rinsing, plus the sink will be clean as well.

Bleach and stainless steel flatware don’t play nice together, if I recall correctly.

I’ve lost a few pieces of semi-antique Goodwill steel flatware, it’s true. But the modern stuff is pretty tough. I wouldn’t risk any piece I truly cared about, though.