Karbala, Iraq (CNN) In a significant find, US forces in Karbala today found a cache of cannisters which may contain chemicals, as well as some weapons, missiles, and sand.
Pfc. J.P. Slowe confirmed that tests indicate that the cannisters tested positive for chemicals, and could contain mustard gas, sarin, or mayonaise. Three or four more days worth of testing need to be performed, but we here at CNN feel that these findings may or may not be significant.
Slowe also mentioned that a cache of missiles were also found somewhere in Iraq, though he was not sure exactly where they were found. Embedded sources elsewhere confirmed this finding. The missiles might be Silkworm missiles, linking the regime to China’s military, unless the missiles are the Stingers that Kurdish forces misplaced four days ago. But we’re sure they are missiles. Pretty sure.
There is also a lot of sand in Iraq. CNN’s military analysts note that sand can degrade the funcionality of the US’s tanks, as well as being damned annoying when caught in one’s socks or briefs. And since my editors never read more than the first paragraph or two, I will add a few more sentences here. The extra sentences will pad my wordcount.
As we here in the journalism world know, size really does matter. And since Knoller and Browne got the juicy assignments reporting on the Baghdad airport and the recent incursions into the heart of Baghdad, I was stuck doing this. Those brown-nosers always get the best stories. Not that I’m bitter or anything.
CNN will, of course, keep you updated on any new findings on these cannisters. And if there aren’t any new findings, we’ll just keep repeating copy to show you how serious we are about journalism.
EDITOR’S NOTE: CNN’s policy is to not report information that puts operational security at risk.