Cold Caller just called me an "idiot"

The BBQ Pit
41

I got one yesterday from some telemarketer hyping Publisher’s Clearing House. Moron asked me if I wanted to go ahead and hear the magazine pitch. Here’s the whole scene:

MTM[sup]1[/sup]: Hi! I’m calling for Publisher’s Clearing House and your name has been selected to be entered into a random drawing with a 1st prize of one million dollars.

I: Cool. When’s the drawing?

MTM: First, wouldn’t you like to hear about…

I: (Interrupting) No, I don’t purchase anything over the telephone. For this drawing you’re talking about, I don’t have to buy anything, right, since that would be illegal here, wouldn’t it?

MTM: Well, of course you don’t have to buy anything, but don’t you want to hear…

I: (Interrupting) Nope. Answer’s still the same.

MTM: You’re being mean just like the next guy[sup]2[/sup].

I: Yep, and that’s why I’m hanging up. Don’t forget to put my name in that drawing pal.

{Click}

[sup]1[/sup]Moron Tele-Marketer
[sup]2[/sup]Yep. He actually said “next guy” when I think he meant “last guy.” But maybe he really was psychic. :rolleyes:

42

OTOH, I sometimes call people who pointedly filled out a slip, tore it off a letter, and mailed it back. They then act completely surprised and offended that I’m calling, despite the fact that they * handwrote two different phone numbers* on the paper before they put it in the mail.

Lady, if you’re going to fill out something that says you’d like more information, and even put your work number on it, be prepared for a call.

43

Shhh. Don’t tell anyone, but I just got laid off. I’ve also been answering the phones because our receptionist is out.

In the past five days I must have received twenty-five calls from solicitors. I gave every single one of them the phone number and extension of the big boss, told them we were very interested, but that the big guy is on vacation until… the day after I leave.

It ain’t the sweetest revenge, but it will do.

44

I used to get lots of calls from telemarketers and cold callers until I got my digital answering machine set up. I can’t tell you how many hang ups I get every night, including Saturday and Sunday. My mom hates when I screen calls, but she’ll just have to get used to it.

45

it was a Simpson’s treehouse of Horror reference. Mr. Burns is planning to launch an expedition to fetch King Homer from Skull Island, and Marge shows up in the Fay Wray role. Smithers says, “I think women and seamen don’t mix.” And Mr. Burns says, “We all know what you think.”

46

Um gobear, dear… duh.

:smiley:

47

< Sweeny Todd >
How 'bout Generals? You can get 'em with or without their Privates.

Or fiddle player, though they tend to be stringy.

< /Sweeny Todd >

Fenris

48

Yeah, but only 'cause he put his head in a pencil sharpener…

:smiley:

< Nothing personal, Fruitbat but there’s lines you just gotta use. >

49

So then a seaman would be one salty, I’m guessing…

50

When I first saw this thread I figured that it was an argument between the two posters Scylla and ColdCaller but I opened it anyway and have been chuckling away for a good fifteen minutes by now.

Here’s one I’m actually is kind of proud over. I hadn’t slept much when the call came. Little sleep always makes me kind of goofy:

<Annoying Telemarketer> Good evening! My name is Mfhgt Mbrdft and I’m calling from your local crap arse newspaper. Am I disturbing you?

<S.Mussberger> Why, not really… local crap arse newspaper huh?

<AT>Yes, right now we offer you a prescription for six months and it will only cost you a zillion dollars of your money, and…

<SM> REALLY!? My GOD that an incredible offer! Is this a prank call?

<AT> …no sir…eh …It’s for real! In the paper we have articles from your area such as sports, movies and…

<SM> Excuse me if you don’t mind me asking but have you met Jesus?

<AT> Uh, what?

<SM> He loves you you know!

<AT> I’m not really…eh… I… uhmmm

<SM> Through him goes the path to heaven where the milk and honey are overflowing and plentiful!

<AT> …click

<SM> MUAHHAHAHAAA

51

I’m tired of fighting with them, so now I usually just hang up. For a while, however, I thought it would behoove the TMs to practice a little bit of common courtesy.

TM: Good morning sir, my name is Drools Knuckledragger, calling on behalf of AT&T. I was wondering if you had considered the benefits of AT&T’s Fiends and Loathed Ones long-distance calling plan.

Me: Not particularly, we tried AT&T, didn’t like it, so now we’re on a different plan. Thanks, though.

TM: Well, sir, have you perhaps thought about the potential savings offered by…

Me: I’m not really interested. No thank you.

TM: Sir, if you considered…

Me: I said no, thank you. That’s your cue to say “Thank you very much” and hang up.

TM: Sir, how much do you use long dist…

Me: I said no, thank you. Now you say “Thank you very much” and hang up.

TM: I’m just trying to find out if you’d think about…

Me: I said no, thank you. You say “Thank you very much” and hang up.

TM: I don’t think you…

Me: I said no, thank you. You say…

click

3 hours later, I got another call. Of course, I complained to AT&T and never got another one, but I’m quite sure my complaint was immediately given the attention they felt it deserved. Still, I’m quite proud of the fact that I got him to hang up first.

52

My favorite comeback was from my hairdresser. She is a radical lesbian, of the sort who really dislikes most men, which made this especially hilarious. Let’s call her Ms. Sappho.

TM: “Hello, may I speak to Mr. Sappho?”

Ms. Sappho: “He’s unavailable at the moment. Would you like me to put you on hold until he arrives?”

Needless to say, that way going to be a MIGHTY long time.

53

I once told a telemarketer if he called again I would hunt him downand kill him and his entire family. I wasn’t necessarily kidding. I honestly believe these would cretins get exactly what they deserve if a meteor fell on their heads while walking down the street.

Nobody forces people to take these jobs that are morally reprehensible. My phone is for my friends and relatives use. I do not want calls from strangers of any kind.

Given time and inclination there are some good ones hocking long distance service. I’ll ask if I can call dem dere 1-900 sex lines for cheap with their service. I then proceed to tell them how much I do loves the dirty talk and ask what they are wearing. It’s fun to see how far you can take the filfth before they hang up.

Another is to tell them that I’m not interested in lon distance service because talkin on the telephone is against my religion. Whether they respnd with confused islence or they state the obvious about our current mode on communication, i then shout, “OH MY GOD!!! I’ GOING TO HELL!!!” and hang up.