Gather around kids, Uncle Coldfire is gonna tell you all a nice story to snicker about. It is about the ignorance of people in general, and the Dutch Police force in general.
This evening, I attended a birthday party of a friend of mine. As a present, I bought him a nice box of cigars. I purchased the cigars at a shopping mall not far from my workplace. Having placed the box in my backpack, I walk out of the mall towards my bicycle. I am a banker, and wear a conservative suit and rain coat to work. Suffice it to say I don’t look like your average parking lot bum.
As I am unlocking my chain lock to release my bike from the pole I secured it to, I hear a voice. The voice says, with a thick Amsterdam accent: “Hey, where the hell do you think you’re going with that bike? Stop that!”
Bear in mind: I am unlocking my bike with a key. Not a chainsaw or a stick of dynamite. I see a police officer dashing towards me, and I also see a lot of people stopping in their paths to see what all the noise is about. As you do.
Panting, the police officer stops next to me and says: “Alright! That’s it buddy! Knock that shit off right now!”
With an irritated hint of a smirk, I dangle the bike’s keys in front of him and say: “I am the owner of this bike which has a current value of some one hundred Guilders. I hereby show you the keys with which I just opened this very lock. Furthermore, I would like to point out that I have serious doubts about my appearance matching the profile of the average bike thief. But on the other hand, I would like to stress that it is good to see a Law Enforcement Officer who is always on the lookout to strike crime when it happens. A great and satisfying way to see my tax Guilders at work.”
About two seconds of silence. People around me start snickering. Li’l copper is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, however. “Are you making fun of me, Sir?”, he inquires.
Replies I, “Oh no, officer. I wouldn’t dare. I heatily applaud you on a job well done, and a crime prevented!”
“Ah. I see. Well, that’s alright then. Have a good day.”, says the officer.
As he walks away, people start laughing out loud. I exchange a few smiles and ride my bike home.
Poetic Justice? I dunno. But the Ninety Guilder parking fine that somehow ended up in my mailbox just after I mocked a police officer was NOT appreciated by yours truely. Moreover because I already payed the towing fee of Three Hundred And Sixty Guilders three months ago. I had to, they wouldn’t give me back my car otherwise. And NOW, on TOP of that, a fine for the very same offense.
OK, so it WAS parked on a corner. Of a four way crossing. With two wheels on the curb. For one night. But SHEESH! Can’t these leaches give a decent taxpayer a break? HUH??
Bastards 
