Hi all,
This is my first post here, but I’ve been a reader for some time. This isn’t a question so much as it is a request, but here goes. I was just wondering if there’s anybody out there who would be willing to read my college essay and offer some commentary on it. It would be great if said person were in some way knowledgeable of what college admissions officers are looking for, but any other commentary would be greatly appreciated. I’m reluctant to post it directly to the forum, since it would be picked up by the plagiarism checkers that some schools use, but I could either email it or message it to anybody willing to read it. I understand that this is a pretty outlandish request, but any help would be genuinely appreciated and immensely helpful.
Thanks
I guess I`m an old fuddy. To get into one of the best universiies in Canada around 40 years ago, all I had to do is take a Canadian SAT-type test, fill in a form stating my college preferences, and get decent marks. I certainly was not one of the geniuses when I got there. (don’t recall the SAT score. It was good, but not incredible).
Oh, and I had to pay my $685 for that year’s tuition, including student activity fees. I saved that by working minimum wage for the summer months.
Sorry, I have no idea what works for your system.
I would be interested in reading it. I have a grasp on what adcoms want.
I’d be happy to read it too. Send me a PM. You might have to send it in parts because of the message size limit.
Oh, and welcome to the Board!
Moved from General Questions to MPSIMS.
samclem, moderator
I am not willing to read it, because I do this all day long, as I teach AP English to juniors. I would really advise you to find a teacher you trust–even one from your freshman or sophomore year–to go over it with you. IMO, it’s very hard to pass an essay back and forth electronically and avoid turning it in to someone writing the essay for you: the written comments work there way into the essay. It’s much better to sit down with someone and have them discuss the essay with you face to face.
That said, I am happy to offer advice.
Remember that your goal is not to relate an event, but to show that you are a sophisticated thinker with some sort of personality and (even better) some insight into yourself. The number one mistake I see in college essays is that students try to claim they learned the lesson/were affected by an experience the way they think they should have been, and it comes out a cliched, horrid mess.
The second greatest error I see is thinking that the emotional intensity of whatever you are describing matters. It really doesn’t. Interest does: a story about getting stranded overnight on a boat or being in Belgrade while the bombs fall is better than “what I learned on my Mission trip” or 'How I overcame my eating disorder" or “How I dealt with my dad dying”, not because mission trips and eating disorders and parental death aren’t real and meaningful, but just because they are fairly common, relatively speaking. But regardless, honesty is, again, the most important thing. Better an experience that you learned something real from than one where you just had a lot of emotions.
I’ve PMed those who asked. To the others, your advice is much appreciated. And to Manda, I’ve tried to get my AP English teachers to read my essay, but they couldn’t be bothered.
In addition, there’s a real risk of making your personal statement about how someone else is awesome. For example, maybe you’re getting your inspiration to go to college from your grandfather who walked across Soviet Russia then swam across the Pacific to get to the U.S. where he dug through trash to get pennies. Or something. That’s great and all, but keep it short, as you end up selling him to the committee, not yourself.
Schools are drowning in “interesting” applicants with tragic life stories or from exotic backgrounds. Admissions people want students who show strong indications that they will actually graduate in 4 years and make their school look good. Think about it like a work application - you want to use this as a chance to show the school what you can do for the school.
Translation: Write about something that proves you’ve got grit, and persistence, and that you know how to work through problems and solve issues for yourself without hand-holding.
Obviously you’re going to want to look at the school’s stated values, and their mission statement, and their organizational plan, and make sure that your personal statement accords with those (although not too obviously).
Finally, if you can get your gist across without taking up the whole length requirement, consider that. They’ll skim over probably hundreds of those things that are *exactly *300 words long (or whatever your limit is).
You don’t want them to skim yours. You want it to stand out so they actually *read *it. It might be interesting to see if you can get your information across in a powerful way in half the word limit. That’s going to be an obvious and visual difference specifically on your application, and if you’ve got a powerful piece of writing there, it’s going to help them see you very clearly, and to remember you. This only works if you CAN manage to shorten it and still stay coherent and to adequately address your topic.
I went into the college essay writing process with a “go big or go home” mentality. The title of the essay I eventually submitted was “I Wear Shirts”. I figured admissions officers would either say “Seriously? Get this shit outta here.” or “This is such a weird title that I have to read the whole thing and figure out what the hell he’s referring to.” or possibly “I, too, wear shirts. ACCEPTED.”
You know, they aren’t actually required to do so, and you aren’t entitled to it. Professional college essay help costs $75-$100/hour, so it’s a little weird to be upset that they won’t give it away for free. I put helping with college essays at the bottom of the list, myself, simply because my first responsibility is to help with my current course. If there’s time, I’m happy to help, but it’s not a priority.
That said, have you talked to your freshman or sophomore teachers? They are not usually drowning in rec letters and other stuff quite so much, nor do they get asked by quite so many students, and so are more likely to be flattered to be asked and a little more willing to help. Do remember, though, that it’s a favor, and a big one, and you should ask with that attitude in mind.