This thread, about college football rivalries, made me realize that there are also a lot of jokes that colleges make about their rivals. I’m interested in seeing what jokes dopers make about their college rivals.
For instance, I’m from Purdue, and here’s a few that I’ve heard:
Q: How do you keep an IU football player out of your yard?
A: Put up a goal post.
Q: Did you know that IU women are so phoney that they fake orgasm when they are by themselves?
Q: Where do you go to in Indiana when there is a chance of a tornado?
A: Notre Dame Stadium. I hear they never get a touchdown there!
OK, to be nice, I’ll also do one about Purdue:
Q: How many Purdue engineering students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, and he gets 3 credit hours for it.
A couple I’ve heard with various team attributions (since I’m in Lafayette, I’ll stick with the Purdue-Indiana animus)
Did you hear that the IU Library burned down? What a shame. Lost all 12 books, and four of 'em hadn’t been colored in yet!
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A football player is being recruited. His first visit is to the Ohio State campus, where he sees a scarlet and gray telephone. The recruit asks the coach: “Can I make a call?” “Sure, son, but it’ll cost you $500 a minute – that’s a direct line to God.” Prospect decides to pass on the offer.
Recruit then visits Indiana campus, sees similar but cream and crimson phone, makes request. “Sure, son, but that’s a direct line to God – it’ll cost you $1000 a minute.”
Prospect then visits Purdue campus, sees the now-familiar phone model done up in Old Gold and Black, asks coach: “That’s a direct line to God, right?” “Sure is, son.” "Just out of curiosity, how much would I have to pay to use it for a minute? $500? “$1000?” “Why, nothing, son. You see, from here, it’s a local call.”
Now that football season is over we can get down to what really matters in Indiana - BASKETBALL ! ! ! ! Of course, it isn’t as much fun anymore without Coach Knight, is it.
Directions to Purdue: North until you smell it, West until you step in it.
Did you hear Coach Keady is only going to dress 7 players on this year’s basketball team? The other 5 finally learned to dress themselves.
And while we’re at it, a Kentucky joke:
What do you call the moisture that accumulates between two Kentucky fans after they make love? Relative Humidity.
At the library on the main campus of IU, flanking the front steps, is a pair of huge, stone spheres, perched upon short pillars. The gag goes that the first time a virgin co-ed walks by, the spheres will roll to the ground. They’ve been stationary for the last hundred and twenty-five years.
There’s a similar quip about a huge bronze statue of Lincoln atop Bascom Hill at the University of Wisconsin-Madison - if a virgin co-ed walks past, he will stand in respect to the lady. No reports of him having gotten up out of his chair yet.
I’m a Syracuse student, but here’s a great one anyway:
An Ohio State student is working on a cadaver when he notices a cork in its’ anus. Curious, he removed it and a noise came out:
Hail! Hail to Michigan the champions of the West!
He re-corks the body and gets a professor to come over and removes the cork again. The professor listens for awhile and says, “So what? I’ve heard thousands of buttholes* sing that song together before.”
*This isn’t the Pit. Replace the real word for maxium effect.
