So I go to a party on Saturday night where it’s two very distinct groups of people. The Husband’s Friends and The Wife’s Friends.
I am in the husband’s friends category, along with all of my other pals. Five of us went to Bowling Green.
By some stroke of the hand of God, Bowling Green managed to beat Northwestern on Saturday on the football field. This, apparently, IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD, although us Bowling Green alums couldn’t have cared less.
Anyway. Mr Jar is wearing a BGSU sweatshirt. Three Northwestern guys (the wife’s friends, TOTAL strangers to us, didn’t even introduce themselves) come up and say,
“By the way, I’ve seen Bowling Green. It’s nothing to scream about.”
OK. So at this point we think it’s just playful jabs back and forth about school and football. We start singing the BG fight song, they start doing the stroking motion, and the three, big tough Northwestern Alums retreat to another room.
My friend Muppet heads in there for a beer and overhears a red faced angry NU zealot proclaim.
"Don’t worry. Those stupid BG hicks will be working for us one day"
You…motherfucking sock full of come. If you want to insult us for the SCHOOL we went to, do it to our face, so my husband, who is a foot taller and fifty pounds heavier than you can answer it. I’ll be working for you? I’d rather work for a sweaty army of CHUDS than ever take a paycheck from your jack off callused palm you asswipe. We don’t even fucking CARE about college football. At all.
One of us went to Clemson and has a fucking masters degree, yet instead of asking him if he was deigning to talk to us Ohio Hicks, you decided to lump him in and roll your eyes at him whenever he talked.
My husband is one of the smartest people I know, not to mention creative and funny and kinder than god damn fucking mother Theresa.
What’s it like to be the center of your own universe? Do you have weather systems? Satellite planets? You’re an asshole, and if I didn’t care so much about my friends I’d tell them their FRIENDS were assholes.
I’ll trade insults back and forth all day As A Joke but when you go in another room with your cronies and insult us for real, I get pissed.
I used to think Northwestern was a beautiful school.
Now I wouldn’t piss on it if it were on fire.
you fucking prickslit.