Way to besmirch your alma mater


So I go to a party on Saturday night where it’s two very distinct groups of people. The Husband’s Friends and The Wife’s Friends.

I am in the husband’s friends category, along with all of my other pals. Five of us went to Bowling Green.

By some stroke of the hand of God, Bowling Green managed to beat Northwestern on Saturday on the football field. This, apparently, IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD, although us Bowling Green alums couldn’t have cared less.

Anyway. Mr Jar is wearing a BGSU sweatshirt. Three Northwestern guys (the wife’s friends, TOTAL strangers to us, didn’t even introduce themselves) come up and say,

“By the way, I’ve seen Bowling Green. It’s nothing to scream about.”

OK. So at this point we think it’s just playful jabs back and forth about school and football. We start singing the BG fight song, they start doing the stroking motion, and the three, big tough Northwestern Alums retreat to another room.

My friend Muppet heads in there for a beer and overhears a red faced angry NU zealot proclaim.

"Don’t worry. Those stupid BG hicks will be working for us one day"

You…motherfucking sock full of come. If you want to insult us for the SCHOOL we went to, do it to our face, so my husband, who is a foot taller and fifty pounds heavier than you can answer it. I’ll be working for you? I’d rather work for a sweaty army of CHUDS than ever take a paycheck from your jack off callused palm you asswipe. We don’t even fucking CARE about college football. At all.

One of us went to Clemson and has a fucking masters degree, yet instead of asking him if he was deigning to talk to us Ohio Hicks, you decided to lump him in and roll your eyes at him whenever he talked.

My husband is one of the smartest people I know, not to mention creative and funny and kinder than god damn fucking mother Theresa.

What’s it like to be the center of your own universe? Do you have weather systems? Satellite planets? You’re an asshole, and if I didn’t care so much about my friends I’d tell them their FRIENDS were assholes.

I’ll trade insults back and forth all day As A Joke but when you go in another room with your cronies and insult us for real, I get pissed.

I used to think Northwestern was a beautiful school.

Now I wouldn’t piss on it if it were on fire.

you fucking prickslit.


How old are these idiots? Does it really matter out in the big world what fucking college they went to when they were 18-22?!?

How pathetic.

I’d just like to mention that “The Sweaty Army of C.H.U.D.s” would be a totally kick-ass name for a band.

Okay, back to the thread.

Don’t blame the school for the idiots who managed to graduate. (Please. And I say this in self defence. I’m a U Pitt student, and some of my …er… fellow students…have problems that I don’t. I swear I don’t. I love my school, but its not the sum total of who I am.)

Beyond that, yea, that was uncalled for prickishness.

Holy Christ! You mean people actually give a shit where we all went to college? That stopped mattering to me as soon as I got my first job out of school.

Sounds like the overgrown frat boys need to let go of college and realize they’re not undergrads anymore. School spirit is all well and good, don’t get me wrong, but sounds like it was taken a little too far.

[sub]At least tell me you called 'em a bunch of twatwhistles or something.[/sub]

What you heard from was a total idiot who chose Northwestern because he wanted its cachet to make up for his own lack of self-esteem. I mean, there are plenty of great reasons to choose Northwestern–it’s an awesome school, really top-notch–but hopefully the reasons for enrolling there are more intrinsic (it’s the right place for you; it has the major you want, you crave the challenge) than extrinsic (oooh, mumsy and daddy will be so proud name-dropping it at the country club; it’ll mean $5,000 more salary on my starting job). I know the extrinsic rewards come into play in college choice and pride in one’s alma mater, but only a true cretin would use them as a way to bolster himself in an argument the way this guy did.

What a fucking moron.

I get it here, too. As a grad school Michigan attracts a lot of academic superstars. I seem to be surrounded by Ivy League grads. But blessedly few of them wear it like some kind of fucking laurel wreath around their heads. I found it telling that after one year, I was editing papers for my Yale roomie (english major) and my Dartmouth roomie (Comparative Lit major). Me? An econ major from a much lesser-known school. A big-name school might open some doors, but it doesn’t mean shit about what you learned while you walked those hallowed halls.

I worked for a Sweaty Army of CHUDS once.

The pay was ok, but when they threatened to hand you your own ass on a silver platter - they meant it.

What were they doing in the back room?
Taking powerhits off the fecate bong?

Would you expect the Peter Principle to apply to anyone more than dickheads?

And what’s a CHUD?

Gawd, am I an inquisitive fuck or what?
Aargh, another question.

I have absolutely no idea what any of these schools are that you’re talking about. If I cared any less, I would actually be dead. Those poor, deluded fellas. Thinking that their choice of post-secondary education institution means anything in the grand scheme of things.

C.H.U.D. == Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers

Very bad cult horror movie, but great shorthand for these people.

Chipmunks, Chipmunks, RAH, RAH, RAH!*

*See How to Suceed in Business Without Really Trying.

If you can believe it, they’re probably in their early thirties, married with children.

It was shocking actually. I always get into friendly little battles about school (PRETENDING TO CARE) but honestly, Northwestern and B.G.? Will they ever play against each other again? Did they even know B.G. existed before last week?



In what…Animal Husbandry? (Sorry…after Holtz and the Gamecocks beat Clemson for the first time in several years, it’s time for the Aggie jokes to come back)

Applying for college as I am, I’ve heard of about every college in the midwest area. I’ve never heard of Northwestern. I’ve been to Bowling Green. Eat my Shit. (I just felt like saying that)


'Nuther Clemp-sun alumnus (MS '93) here. 'Caint have been husbandry ‘cuz it’s against t’law t’marry the animals you do the husbandin’ with. Scylla tain’t the only one here thanks sheep’s 'r purty.

Wait. You’ve never heard of Northwestern? Only private U in the Big Ten? In the U.S. News and World Report Top 25? Home to one of the leading journalism schools in the nation (McGill) and one of the top business school programs in marketing (Kellogg)? You’ve never heard of it? And you’ve looked at most of the schools in the midwest?

This my friends, was one of the reasons I left admissions. It’s so fucking frustrating. There are 3,000 colleges in this country, and the average awareness of their existence is depressing low. Oh sure, if they field teams in the big-three revenue sports, maybe people have heard of them. But a lot of fantastic schools aren’t known outside of their area. Worse yet, people think that if they haven’t heard of them, they must not be worth knowing about. I’ve heard people make disparaging comments about Colgate, Transylvania, Occidental, Reed, Davidson, Miami of Ohio, Suwanee, Washington & Lee, Lehigh… I mean, fuck, I’d be thrilled if Cranky Jr got into any of those schools when he was applying for school. But the average snot-nosed dumbfuck pushing his way to the East Bumfuck State table at the college fair doesn’t want to listen.

Don’t get me started. (deep breaths) Its not your fault, Tricia, it’s the raging dumbfucks who call themselves “guidance counselors” but don’t know jack shit, and the people who publish rags like U.S. News & World Report who think they can tell millions of high schoolers and their parents everything they need to know about college in one freaking issue.

P.S. I am from Nebraska. Ergo, I fucking hate Clemson.

And even more important that what school you went to is how your school’s sports teams did.


It’s Sewanee, not Suwanee. I guess you state your case. :wink: (BTW, I did my undergrad work there and was graduated in 1988.)

Now that you’ve trashed Clemson and Sewanee, you just need to say something bad about NC State (Ph.D. 1999) and you’ll have the hat trick. :smiley:

Thanks jarbabyj.

Every time I read something like this I smile. It makes me feel good that my under-educated friends and acquaintances learned how to act mature.

:slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

Thanks jarbabyj.

Every time I read something like this I smile. It makes me feel good that my under-educated friends, my*(under-educated)*self and my acquaintances learned how to act mature.

:slight_smile: :slight_smile: :slight_smile: