Come critique my new online comic strip!

[Chef_Troy]

*Originally posted by pesch *
**1. Great lettering! Very neat and consistent, just like in the comics. I prefer lettering that’s easy-to-read; it becomes invisible and doesn’t get in the way of experiencing the strip. (Exception: “Pogo” did great things with lettering, especially with the one character who talked like a circus poster.)

2. Trim the fat from the text.

“Man, I sure miss hanging around with you like this, Max ol’ pal.”

can be cut to

“I miss hanging with you like this, Max.”

Do seriously say “ol’ pal”?

Removing just one or two words could smooth the sentence flow. In “Hey, I’m serious. How is Boca Raton any worse than living here at the ‘Rancho Cucaracha’ apartments?” it’s possible to cut “Hey” and “here” without losing the meaning.

Fewer words draw more attention to the words you want the reader to remember.

Three sentences to deliver a punchline is too long. “Man, I used to live here. The exterminators would only come in pairs.” 13 words versus 25.

3. Jump ahead with Foster getting the tabloid job. We know what he thinks about it. Is his bitching going to be funny over another five strips? Good fiction starts the story in the middle of the action. Readers will stay with you as they try to understand this new world. Don’t go from A to B to C to D. Start at C, hint at what happened at A, and reveal the rest along the way.

4. Liked the “freakish disembodied voice has a point” line.

Apart from those few things, I like it.

Still glad you asked? :smack: **

I’m a copy editor too, and looking at it from that worldview your comments make sense. However, in a webcomic I have to consider the dialog not only as the words but also as a graphic element. Some of the “unnecessary” words you mention were included in order to make the lines of text come out more even - “ol’ pal” for example.

That said, I do have a tendency to ramble on, and I’m working on it.

As for jumping ahead to Foster taking the tabloid job… no, I don’t think so. I have his progression into despair well mapped out, and I think it would feel phony for him to reverse himself too quickly. Trust me, you’d miss some excellent jokes along the way.

(By the way, I can’t take credit for the lettering - it’s a computer font called “Zud Juice” from the good folks at BlamBot.)

[Chef_Troy]

*Originally posted by HenrySpencer *
**I liked the comic a lot, Troy - the only problem was that I started from the latest one, and it didn’t click because I hadn’t read it from the beginning. Once I knew the characters, I really cared about what was going on, but without that context I didn’t care one way or the other.

I don’t know if there’s a way around that - it’s a problem with a format like comic strips when people can come in half way or at the end. And it gets even harder when you’ve got a couple of hundred strips behind you which newcomers need to make their way through. Maybe a ‘the story so far …’ thing, done in an unusual or humorous way?**

Most online comics have a link just above the day’s strip that says, “New to (comic)? Click Here to start at the beginning!” I haven’t done that yet because the strip is so new, but I’m going to put it in.

[Caught_Work]

I know this thread is old, but I wanted to give Scandal Sheet a good go before I made any more comments and it seems like this thread would be the right place rather than start a new one.

I LOVE IT.

Truly, it is number 4 on my daily list of web sites to visit. Sorry you’re not quite number 1 yet.

Haven’t seen a ‘Klee Shade’ yet, but then again, I don’t look on weekends. Have I missed one?

Chef Troy, you keep it going.

[Chef_Troy]

There haven’t been any “Klee Shade” comics yet because I’m going to be introducing a character in another couple of weeks that is ostensibly going to be the author of a web comic, and the “klee shade” comix are going to be presented as HER work.

In fact Mrs. Chef is drawing them to make sure they look nothing like my style. She has five or six of them penciled, and we’ll start running them before the end of the year.

(that’s the problem with only updating three days a week - storylines take FOREVER to pan out.)

[GingerOfTheNorth]

I just wanted to weigh in with a ‘Yay!’ and Ito Masello cracks me the hell up.

[Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor]

The art’s good, the humor OK to Good, but the e4xposition seems a little slow. Get him on the job, already. :rolleyes:

[Chef_Troy]

Ginger: Thank you, sweetie! Glad to know you think my talents extend beyond adding cartoon boobs to Hamadryad’s LJ Harpy icon.

Bosda: Trust me, it’s a problem that frustrates me too (see above). I fervently wish that I had the time and energy to update every day so things would move along faster, but I know I wouldn’t be able to stand the pace. It won’t be long, though. Week after next.

[Ferret_Herder]

I started reading it a few weeks ago, caught up quickly, and now visit 3 times a week. Good luck! (Oh, and I love Sosumi; I have two ferrets myself.)

[Binarydrone]

Read it, Liked it, book marked it!Read it, Liked it, book marked it!

[Troy_McClure_SF]

I dig… I just caught up, and I’ll be coming back.

Any plans to add a smaller “Link To Me” image? I’d gladly link to you on my front page, but I don’t like the 468*60 banners. I use the size found in #5 here. No big deal, though.

But have no fear, I’ll link to you elsewhere in the meantime… keep 'em coming, Chef!

[Chef_Troy]

*Originally posted by jjtm *
**I dig… I just caught up, and I’ll be coming back.

Any plans to add a smaller “Link To Me” image? I’d gladly link to you on my front page, but I don’t like the 468*60 banners. I use the size found in #5 here. No big deal, though.

But have no fear, I’ll link to you elsewhere in the meantime… keep 'em coming, Chef! **

Ask and ye shall receive (courtesy of the lovely and talented Mai-Li:

[url=http://www.sublimevisions.com/personal/images/linkimages/scandalsheet.gif

I think it’s 88 pixels by 31.

[Chef_Troy]

whoops. I meant:

[Chef_Troy]

WOW!

Judging by my server logs, a WHOLE lot of you clicked over and looked at the strip last Friday.

I just want to thank everyone for the feedback and for taking the time to give “Scandal Sheet” a look. It means a lot to me to hear from those of you who are enjoying it.