My comic strip

Cafe Society
#1

I know I’m leaving myself open to be torn to shreds, but I’ve submitted my comic strip to Comis sherpa to get feedback in the first place. I’ve only got 2 of them uploaded so far, but i’ve got a lot more to fix up and (actually draw) to upload.

I know the resolution needs to be tweaked…I’m not too happy with the wya they show up there, but i’d appreciat a few preliminary critiques, even if theres very little to critique. I’m new here, but from what I’ve read on the forums here, there are a lot of nice and intelligent folk in here. You can see the toons by clicking http://www.comicssherpa.com/site/feature?uc_comic=cswfa&uc_full_date=20060719

#2

First critique: provide a working link.

#3

Sorry about that. Really. I thought it did work. My bad, man. I hope http://www.comicssherpa.com/site/feature?uc_comic=cswfa&uc_full_date=20060719 works.

#4

It’s nicely drawn, and I like the flow of humor. Not bad at all! I’d read a few more to see if it’s a strip for me to follow.

But yeah, it could use a little sharpening, resolution-wise.

#5

Thanks! I’ll work on that and I’ve posted them through the coming weekend. Need to fix the next weeks batch!

#6

Ok, sorry for the shortness earlier – was splitting time between Dope surfing and work. Now that you’ve got my undivided attention…

The art:
Good stuff. Easy on the eyes, and you’ve got the emotional conveyances down. I’d prefer it if it were presented with larger panels, but that may be a limitation on Comics Sherpa’s end.

The humor:
I like the first one – as Dorjän said, it flows well. It doesn’t hurt that I know someone exactly like Ms. Reetch, making the whole thing more relatable.

The second one…it’s ok. The whole angel/devil-on-the-shoulder thing has been played to death, but “have another brewski” made me chuckle more than it had any right to.

Verdict:
If I came across this, I’d put it on my “give it 30 days” list. The potential is there, and the artist has a month to make it over to my “Daily Comics” bookmark list.

Keep it up!

#7

You’re art is really good: consistent, with good, clean lines. You also do a good job of getting a lot of detail into a panel without it becoming cluttered or confusing. I like your character designs a lot, too, especially the squinty guy, Theron.

Writing-wise, I’m not really blown away. The first comic is okay. It’s a good concept, but it doesn’t quite work as a gag. Pretty much the whole joke is contained in the first panel, and is just repeated in each subsequent panel. The second comic has shoulder angels, which is a bit cliche, and the punchline falls flat. However, that’s only going off of seven panels of your work. You’re still establishing the characters and their relationships, and these two comics do a good job on breaking that ground. Theron’s already got a pretty clear character direction: slightly amoral, but not without good impulses (his first thought is to return the money) and I’m already intrigued with how he relates to the woman who barfed in her popcorn during the horror movie. It looks like you’ve already got a good conflict there.

I’m definitly putting this one in my bookmarks. I look forward to seeing more of it!

#8

Incidentally, is the guy who dropped the 20 supposed to be College Roomies from Hell’s Roger Pepitone?

#9

Thank you! That was gonna drive me nuts, trying to figure out why he was so familiar…

#10

Now, I dont really like any comic strips except early dilbert and Madam and Eve. Peanuts and Doonesbury, I think I’ve never found funny. So don’t take this too hard.

In the second comic, as I understand it, the joke is that “brewski” is a funny word. That is rather weak.

In the first comic, you have established a situation, but the punchline is missing alltogether. There needs to be something different in the last panel. For instance, the 3 characters outside the theater, talking about the movie, and all saying that they liked it. Not very good, but I hope you see what I mean.

#11

It’s weak if it isn’t funny, but in this case it was unexpected enough to get an LOL out of me - to me, that’s the key. Surprise me, and I’ll laugh.

After two strips, I already like the characters, and that alone is enough to keep me coming back, at least for a while. If it’s semi-consistently funny, then you’ve got me hooked.

If you can maintain this level of quality, you’re already beating 80 percent of the strips out there, I’d say. Don’t give up.

#12

I like that it has the visual aesthetic of what I generally consider stodgy-content, boring but classic comics while hinting at edgier potential.

#13

Thanks for the input guys! I’ve got to go to work soon, but I’m going to try to tweak the res a bit if I can in the time I have beofre I go.

I’m pretty critical of my own stuff myself, but not enough it seems. I have literally a drawer full of these things. I’ve been doing this strip on my own for years, but I’m constantly re-doing the ones I like because I don’t think they look good enough. It was an impulse thing putting them up on Comic Sherpa, but I like getting opinions from people that don’t actually know me. (friends and family always say “its good”)

I wanted to start off with the strips that introduce the characters in a way. I’m glad that Theron’s (the squinty guy) personality comes through. In the next week I’m going to put up the ones that introduce the rest of the main cast (including his two friends that are in the first one).

I know the devil/angel thing is cliche’ but the “have another brewski” line always cracked me up for some reason. (inspired by an old friend who would say that all of the time, even when all hell was breaking loose around us)

The “reetch” one was really just my way of showing that Faye really really doesn’t like scary movies…inspired by the friend of mine she’s based off of.

I hope you all stick with me…they get better! :slight_smile:

#14

Does she have to be named Faye? That really is the kind of name that people only have in old-fashioned comics that never die.

#15

I suppose not. I’m so used to the name thats how I think of her. What name would you suggest?

#16

Or hipster chicks with issues.

Or space bounty hunters with lots of issues.

#17

do you need an F name? Florrie (short for Florence), Fran, Felicia, Faith.
I give it a little over half a thumbs up, I really like the look of it; As for the humor, I too will reserve judgement for a few more days

#18

I agree with the others - fine art, but you need to “punch up” the punchline/reversal/whatever’s supposed to make us laugh.

With the movie theater one, I think some flow might have helped - a silent thrid panel, while they observed whatever gore led to the final frame. Also, I think the “RETCH” coming before the guy’s observation that an arm detachment should be bloodier (which would make you rework the whole composition, I realize), might have helped.

The second one I really felt like I was missing something. Maybe switching the shoulder angel-devil where the angel’s really enjoying himself, and the devil’s done and ready to go, or something.

The third is your strongest. Nothing mind-blowingly unexpected, but ably structured and funny enough.

A question - how did you choose the dimensions? Your strip looks very long and narrow - can you open up their ceiling a bit? I’m feeling claustrophobic for them.

Anyway, great start - I’ll be reading.

#19

Or, uh, you know.

#20

That site alone makes me want to change her name. I think “Faith” will do. You have to understand that she’s been a character in my strips for years…so its hard to just change names like that for me, since in my mind, its “Faye”. (I chose the name because its the name of a lady I knew as a kid and really liked)

As for the dimensions, the originals are drawn on 14x17 bristol board. Each strip is about 15 3/4 long divided up into how many panels I’ll bneed and 4 inches high. Actually, you’re right about it being a little tight. I think in the future I might have to add another 1/2 to the height.

Humor wise, the ones that I’ve uploaded so far areen’t particular favorites of mine, but I am rarely satisfied with the ones I do like and I’m constantly redoing them. I chose the ones that have been uploaded thus far because I needed to introduce the characters. Actually, I might change tomorrow’s entry to get on with that line of strips. (The one I have loaded for it is in my mind, a throwaway…not particularly funny, either)