constructive criticism of my strip

Cafe Society
1

One of the hardest things about being a writer/artist/ creative person is you can’t take your friends and families opinion to seriously. Most times they won’t tell you if they don’t like something you’ve written or drawn because thet don’t want to hurt your feelings. They also don’t usually give good advice about what you could change in it. Well, maybe not for everyone, but my situation calls for me to look for opinions outside of people I know.

So, once again, I put the my comic strip up for scrutiny here. I did that months ago when I first launched it online, but there was very little to be seen of it. I’ve linked the strip to a date where I felt the personalities of the characters were beginning to gel. Constructive criticism is all I ask folks, and thanks.

The Divine Comedy

2

I like it. Riffs on the familiar Dr. Seus story, delivers a punchline in rhymed verse. If I had to criticise something, it may be a bit wordy–the speech bubbles dominate the panels a bit more than seems necessary. I think you can tell the same joke with fewer words…perhaps even one fewer panel…

3

You got me laughing with the show and tell strip, but the rest I looked at - I went back as far as the big underwear gag - are pretty meh.

That said, you can draw. Boy, can you draw!

4

Is there a particular reason you call it The Divine Comedy. Is there a character named Dante that I’m missing or something? Because, to be perfectly honest, naming a strip that tends to set the expectation bar a little high, so to speak.

5

but you should have worked on the rhymes better. :stuck_out_tongue:

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[QUOTE=Quartz]
You got me laughing with the show and tell strip, but the rest I looked at - I went back as far as the big underwear gag - are pretty meh.

That said, you can draw. Boy, can you draw!
[/QUOTE]

Thanks, Q. The reason i picked the date I linked to was because I felt from that time on, I was more “in touch” with the characters. So befoire that point, I agree, they were a bit “meh”.

One thing I find interesting about writing a strip is you want the characters to be more than one dimensional, but it takes time…but you have to make the strip good enough for people to care enough to keep reading it. Yeah, Theron’s a grouchy, mean spirited jerk, but he’s got a good side that will come out…Booker T. is a bumbler, but he’s actually very moral. Faye seems to be a goody goody, but shes got deep issues from her childhood…all in the future, all I hope will make for interesting and hopefully, funny reading.

But I’m glad you liked the art. I go through so many erasers it ain’t funny!

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[QUOTE=ArchiveGuy]
Is there a particular reason you call it The Divine Comedy. Is there a character named Dante that I’m missing or something? Because, to be perfectly honest, naming a strip that tends to set the expectation bar a little high, so to speak.
[/QUOTE]

Well, Archiveguy, the quick answer is I just like the name.

The long answe is, I find life to be frustrating. Frustrating as hell. Plus I didn’t want to name it something like “Theron” or “Theron and Buddies”. Since Theron was (and is) the main character, and he views life as a constant stream of annoyances, it seemed ok to name it after something from Dante’s Inferno…because life might be hell, but its still funny sometimes.

Thats my reason, I’m stickin’ to it! :slight_smile:

8

I like it. If it were in my daily paper, I’d follow it. Some of the strips are right up there with some of my favorites (Pearls Before Swine, Get Fuzzy, Curtis, Dilbert). Others aren’t quite as good (which is also true of those other strips sometimes), but I don’t know what to offer as a suggestion for improvement.

The one thing that jars slightly is Booker T.'s lips. I know it’s a caricature, and they’re meant to be exaggerated, but they strike me as overexaggerated.

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[QUOTE=Gary T]
I like it. If it were in my daily paper, I’d follow it. Some of the strips are right up there with some of my favorites (Pearls Before Swine, Get Fuzzy, Curtis, Dilbert). Others aren’t quite as good (which is also true of those other strips sometimes), but I don’t know what to offer as a suggestion for improvement.

The one thing that jars slightly is Booker T.'s lips. I know it’s a caricature, and they’re meant to be exaggerated, but they strike me as overexaggerated.
[/QUOTE]

I might have to work on that then, because what you see as lips are supposed to be the spaces between a thin moustache and beard. Booker T.'s look is actually a caricature of an old friend…

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Oh , and BTW, thanks for the compliment of saying that some of them were equal to the ones you like in the paper. I mean that, because it means a lot to me, dude.

11

I think it looks very professional and well drawn. The Seuss rhymes need some work. Many new strips are badly drawn when they first come out and improve over time. Yours looks like it has been running for several years.

12

Not my kind of thing.

That said, nice artwork, though I agree the beards need definition. Also it’s difficult to tell that the black characters are black in the b&w renditions.

The scansion on the Seuss rhymes really need work: Dr Seuss’s rhymes scanned perfectly, and if your pastiche is to be good enough, it should too.

I think the “muses” one would work better with a single muse - real “artistes” usually only claim one.

You don’t always have to end on a punchline. The Freddy Krueger line falls flat for me, since it’s reliant on the internal logic of the drawing - which hasn’t yet been established for the new reader (also, do you need to bold? I don’t read a lot of comics so am not sure of the convention).

A bete noir of mine: punctuate correctly where it needs to be done. “THERE**’**S SOMETHING IN IT FOR EVERYBODY”. Watterson and Breathed did; so should you.

Otherwise, well done!

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[QUOTE=jjimm]
Not my kind of thing.

That said, nice artwork, though I agree the beards need definition. Also it’s difficult to tell that the black characters are black in the b&w renditions.

The scansion on the Seuss rhymes really need work: Dr Seuss’s rhymes scanned perfectly, and if your pastiche is to be good enough, it should too.

I think the “muses” one would work better with a single muse - real “artistes” usually only claim one.

You don’t always have to end on a punchline. The Freddy Krueger line falls flat for me, since it’s reliant on the internal logic of the drawing - which hasn’t yet been established for the new reader (also, do you need to bold? I don’t read a lot of comics so am not sure of the convention).

A bete noir of mine: punctuate correctly where it needs to be done. “THERE**'**S SOMETHING IN IT FOR EVERYBODY”. Watterson and Breathed did; so should you.

Otherwise, well done!
[/QUOTE]

Thanks Jimm…I made a decision, long before I even considered posting TDC online not to use shading tones on the characters though. Honestly, I didn’t like how it looked. Besides, if anything, it would make Faye stand out as ehs’s the only white regular.

I hated the freddy Krueger joke myself and I regret posting it. I only used it to transitioin myself into the new clothes of the characters. I didn’t need to, and it was done badly. My apologies.

As for punctuation, I’ll have to keep a better check on myself. You’re right, there is no excuse for it in a few panels. My bad.

I’ll hope that you’ll read them up into the present (and beyond that) because I think I’ve made a lot of progress in the strip. But I understand if its not your cup of tea. Anyway, thanks for the suggestions. I can’t fix things I’m not aware of so I appreciate that, and I appreciate the kudos too.

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[QUOTE=shizaru]
But I understand if its not your cup of tea. Anyway, thanks for the suggestions. I can’t fix things I’m not aware of so I appreciate that, and I appreciate the kudos too.
[/QUOTE]
Re-reading, I reckon my “constructive criticism” came over a bit harshly. My apologies: I sincerely didn’t want to appear rude. I am mighty impressed, and reiterate the earlier statements that it looks like a very established cartoon. Also, I admire your courage in putting your work up for criticism in a notoriously critical forum. Again, well done.

Even though I don’t generally read this sort of thing, I shall bookmark it, and will check back on a daily basis!

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[QUOTE=jjimm]
Re-reading, I reckon my “constructive criticism” came over a bit harshly. My apologies: I sincerely didn’t want to appear rude. I am mighty impressed, and reiterate the earlier statements that it looks like a very established cartoon. Also, I admire your courage in putting your work up for criticism in a notoriously critical forum. Again, well done.

Even though I don’t generally read this sort of thing, I shall bookmark it, and will check back on a daily basis!
[/QUOTE]

I don’t think you came off harsh at all, and I’m sorry if I made it sound it that way. If any thing, I appreciated your opinion as being very honest!

(yeah, I was a bit scared to put it up for scrutiny here, but as I said before I need to know what people think of it if I’m to try to improve!)

But I’m glad you’ll check on the strip in the future! Thanks, man!

16

I really like your drawing style. It reminds me a little of Foxtrot. And the faces have a lot of personality despite the simplicity.

17

I really like this strip! Your artwork looks very professional - as another poster said, it looks like an established strip that’s been running for quite some time.

I didn’t realize that Theron was supposed to be a guy - sorry! I just thought it was a very butch girl. :slight_smile:

There’s one very small error - in your “Superjerk” strip, Theron says he’s going to “wail on someone”. I believe the correct spelling is wale (sorry, just the teacher in me).

Thanks for introducing me to a new strip - best of luck!
-Wallet-

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This criticism comes from reading the linked comic and before ( I just assumed you linked the last one, didn’t notice that it wasn’t), so if they aren’t representative, then just disregard. I like the comic, it has a lot of strengths, my favorite two strips were the Doctor Seuss bit, and the beach bully strip.

One thing I notice is that the humor often comes in panels other than the last one, for example the show-in-tell strip, where the humor comes from the crazy and dangerous things the kids bring in. I think this is a good thing that adds to the humor, not being constrained about where and when the humor comes from. Unfortunately, it leaves open the problem of what to do with the final panel. I notice that you tend to repeat the joke from the previous panels as the punchline, which I think is a pretty weak ending. For example, in the show and tell strip, nothing is really added when the teacher says “Boy, those kids sure do bring in crazy and dangerous things for show and tell.” Even in the Beach Bully strip, the shrimpy guy restated the joke unnesessarily in the final panel. As Jjim said, not every strip needs a punchline. I think the Beach Bully Strip would be stronger if the shrimpy guy just didn’t say anything in the final panel, or perhaps boasted to the girl about defeating the bully. I’m not sure what I’d do with the show and tell strip, maybe have the teacher say something to the effect of “well, that’s the last time I have show and tell”

Anyway, I enjoy the strip, but think you’d be better off not restating the joke in the punchline when the joke was already shown in previous panels

19

[QUOTE=Taber]
This criticism comes from reading the linked comic and before ( I just assumed you linked the last one, didn’t notice that it wasn’t), so if they aren’t representative, then just disregard. I like the comic, it has a lot of strengths, my favorite two strips were the Doctor Seuss bit, and the beach bully strip.

One thing I notice is that the humor often comes in panels other than the last one, for example the show-in-tell strip, where the humor comes from the crazy and dangerous things the kids bring in. I think this is a good thing that adds to the humor, not being constrained about where and when the humor comes from. Unfortunately, it leaves open the problem of what to do with the final panel. I notice that you tend to repeat the joke from the previous panels as the punchline, which I think is a pretty weak ending. For example, in the show and tell strip, nothing is really added when the teacher says “Boy, those kids sure do bring in crazy and dangerous things for show and tell.” Even in the Beach Bully strip, the shrimpy guy restated the joke unnesessarily in the final panel. As Jjim said, not every strip needs a punchline. I think the Beach Bully Strip would be stronger if the shrimpy guy just didn’t say anything in the final panel, or perhaps boasted to the girl about defeating the bully. I’m not sure what I’d do with the show and tell strip, maybe have the teacher say something to the effect of “well, that’s the last time I have show and tell”

Anyway, I enjoy the strip, but think you’d be better off not restating the joke in the punchline when the joke was already shown in previous panels
[/QUOTE]

I’ll have to be careful about that. After reading what you said, it seems very clear to me that you have a good point. Thanks for the advice!

20

Shakespeare
it ain’t, dear.

Just kidding. Carry on.