“supercalifragilisticexpealidocious”
“antiestablishmentarism”
::puff,puff,puff::phew::
Thanks to everyone who has resopnded so far. It’s really surprising how much human contact I’ve gotten out of a message board.
Tony:
Shit, I’ve met some messed-up women in my life, but fortunately I haven’t been involved with any slime of that calibre for quite a few years.
SHAKES:
Yeah, I was really craving the validation and I guess I still am. Right now, more than wanting the validation of someone wanting me, I want to stop wanting it, if that makes any sense.
RexDart
At what age does that happen?
irishgirl:
None taken. I know most people can enjoy the pleasant effects of drinking without becoming unemployed & homeless, that it actually enhances their lives. I see my issues with addiction like a food allergy; no need to get weird about it.
I got through my first big breakup in my early 20s with booze & drugs & lots of sex. I guess that this time I get to find ways through it that won’t wreck me.
irishgirl,
I don’t mean to say that you’re getting weird, I meant that there’s no need for me to get weird about it.
Shit, now her friend has taken to crank calling me on my cell…
I’ve talked with “Joe”(mentioned earlier) about this, she’s doing the same to him. (He’s thinking of changing his ph#.)
What a nightmare she’s turned out to be, I’m sort of at a loss here…
I just want her/them to leave me the hell alone…
From a celibate womans POV:
My last serious relationship blew up to hell-won’t-have-it. It’s a ghastly long story that I will condense into a few short phrases:
- Don’t date a friend of your ex’s
- Friends with a fuck on the side doesn’t work
Since him, I have not met anyone that I have really wanted to screw silly.
When meeting men, whether OL or IRL, when it comes to my celibacy I hear “Well, baby, I can make you change!” or “You haven’t had me yet!”. If I wanted a one-night stand, no prob. It’s the rest that’s important.
Feh, I cannot remember the last time I was kissed for the sheer pleasure of kissing rather than the kiss/grope/grind crap.
Tony Montana how old are you and these chicks? Just curious what the age range here is because I haven’t heard of anyone acting like that since early high school. As far as your cell goes just don’t answer if you see it is her. And if she does it from other peoples houses so you can’t tell just take note of those phone numbers and start crank calling them at 2-3am. If these are high school kids, which is what this situation sounds like it must be, then the parents will put a stop to it REAL quick when they start getting woken up by your at 2am for a week straight.
What a bunch of fucking cunts.
One problem for me with reaching 40 was that I have been running and lifting weights since I was 16, and I take care of myself. Unfortunately, lots and lots of women at this age look like they were “rode hard and put away wet” after wrestling with this or that disfiguring addiction (alcohol, cigarettes, food) and their faces and bodies show it. There are women of my age who are priceless beauties, who work hard on their figures, etc, but they are rare. Also, finding one who isn’t saddled with someone else’s kid and stretchmarks is an issue.
Forgot how to flirt?
Did you forget how to bathe and make conversation, too?
come on. women are human. don’t think we are totally different. don’t think that you have to flirt and put on some big ol’ act of cliched flirting just to get some.
“married for 4 years”…sheesh. excuses excuses.
I had it worse than all of you. I spent my four years in college celibate.
Well, almost celibate. About once a year, I’d end up in an ill-fated one-night stand with someone cute and inappropriate. Then off to another year of celibacy.
In college! And this was a college with lots of skinnydipping and hottubbing! We even had a for the love of God nude beach at our college! You can imagine the frustration.
When I got out of college, I tried Internet dating for awhile, and met some realnutjobs – and one cute woman who liked me, who went on several dates with me, and finally started making out with me. And the next day, told me she was going back to her previous boyfriend. Arrrgh! I was terrified that the makeout session was going to count as my once-a-year break from celibacy.
I said fuck it, drove four hours to spend a weekend with my brother, boozing up and playing computer games and thinking about something – anything – besides dating.
And fell madly in love with one of my brother’s friends. It’s four years later; we’re getting married in May.
Celibacy is everywhere that you’re looking for its absence. Good lovin’ is right beyond the last place you look for it.
Daniel
Shit Tony… I was reading through this thread then came along your original post and got so incredibly pissed off. I can’t stand people like this girl who did that shit to you. It just infuriates me. I feel like seeking personal vengeance on your behalf. But Stinkpalm raised a good point, how old are these girls? It sounds enormously immature…
It may not be a popular opinion, but I dont think “taking the high-road” is the best solution. You need to get low, dirty, deliciously satisfying revenge. On both of them, they both used you and disgustingly admitted it. :mad:
And so as not to be a complete hijack, for the OP, hang in there. Like many people have already said, you usually meet people when you aren’t looking for it. Unless you’re women… they you can meet people whenever you damn well feel like it. 
So all control over the situation is in the hands of the women, and the best thing we men can do is act like we don’t care. I must be doing it wrong, but when I’ve acted like I don’t care, the women think I really DON’T care, and so neither do they, and nothing happens. I have never had 'em “crawling out of the woodwork”, whatever my attitude. And, DanielWithrow, I took longer than 4 years to finish college, and ALL of it was celibate, except for the brief period at the end when I finally got married.
<end of weepy violin solo>
Theyr’e mid twenty’s I’m 33, I know of females/males my age who act the same.
Naw I dont have the heart in this situation, I’m no psychologist or nuttin’
But from what I’ve gleaned from hearing their conversations,it sounds like theyv’e been fucked over bad by someone in their lives at some point,be it by their parents or family or someone…(at any rate they’re in serious need of psychological help) I feel more sorry for them than than I do anger…
In retrospect its all for the better they’re out of my life for good,I’m not up to raising an adult
To the OP apologies again for the hi-jack,I’m finished here If I feel like posting more on this matter I’lll start a thread…
Uh, no – control is in both folks’ hands. Have you never ever rejected anyone in your life? Even when I was celibate, there were one or two women who had crushes on me but with whom I felt no chemistry at all. Relationships require MUTUAL consent.
If you’re in the unlucky position of nobody at all wanting to hop in bed with you, then you’ve got no meaningful control, whether you’re male or female. When someone is interested in you, you gain the niggling little power to decide whether to pursue a relationship with them.
Whether you’re male or female.
This ain’t a gender war. Approaching it as one seems a good way to stay celibate – partisans frown on sleeping with the enemy.
Daniel
I was fifty when my ex and I divorced after 20+ years together. We had separated a year earlier and I had been celibate for that year. I remained celibate for the next six years, for a total of seven. At the end of that period, I met Marcie and we have been happy every since. You shouldn’t give up hope; there is someone out there.
I have to admit that my age and a healthy fear of AIDS helped me in my decision to remain celibate.
You see, there’s the problem. I never know if they’re interested in me or not. I must be about the most thick-headed guy on the planet (which is really saying something!), but I wouldn’t know if she was flirting with me or not. I think sometimes a woman would practically throw herself at my feet before I would clue in to the fact that she was interested. Yes, I have had females interested in me, and never known it until it was pointed out to me years later. I guess the only ones I attract are those even shyer than me, which works out about as well as you might imagine.
It is beginning to look as though if I ever want a relationship again I will have to crawl back to the wife who left me and beg for forgiveness. I hope not, but I’m stuck with the fact that I’m still tied to a woman who says, although she doesn’t want a divorce, is very happy to be away from me.
Wow, I was reading this and it made me feel good to think that there are other guys like me out there.
It has been about 8 years since I have had sex, and 7 since I have even dated. (well, I have planned on going out with several girls, just never actually went) I am only 25 going on 26. Never been married, never had kids. I blame it on enviroment, friends and a low sex drive.
My enviroment for starters is not women friendly. Untill recently that is. It was saddled with several groups of friends. All guys, combined with working in factories and warehouses. No girls. (my age anyhow) I played computer games and got invovled in an online game that I played for 40+ hours a week. I drank, smoked and got fat and just didn’t care. My friends were not outgoing and just like roleplaying and general guy activities like pool, bowling etc. Not great places to meet women. The only women I met were at places I frequented like subway. (One had 3 kids, the other was a Jesus freak and was only 19)
I have recently started working out, gaining confidence, tanning eating healthy and just plain caring about myself. After nearly a year of lifting, running and tanning I think I can have a woman pretty easily. I have talked to some at resturaunts, bars and online and pretty much have come to the conclusion that what I am looking for does not exist. Romance, love, friendship. No, what they all want is a bad boy to fuck and send home.
I too plan on laying off on the dating scene. My mind might change when I get into college but I doubt it. Over the years I have come to appreciate being single and alone. Nobody to nag me, only my dreams to persue, and I don’t have to sacrafice my goals and ambitions in life just so I can get some nookie. I can spend my energy learning and doing new things. Taking a new form of martial art, bettering myself and building a new body at the gym, camping, hiking, skydiving. Working on my career, and working towards getting published. There is so much more to life than just having sex and raising up babies with some woman that you conditionaly love that I am willing to forgo the whole sexual lifestyle.
Finding a woman that is willing to live where I want to someday live, do the things I want to do, and travel to the places I want to someday visit, plus be intellectually adventurous as well is rare. So rare that it impossible to expect.
I guess I am just too selfish for a relationship. It isn’t that I am not willing to change, I just am not willing to give up my dreams and ambitions to satisfy my hormones. I am driven by far more than the desire to get my jollies off.
Well, that’s fine – some people aren’t really suited to being in a relationship, and there’s no shame in that. As long as you recognize that there are decent, caring, kind people out there who are looking for a loving, stable relationship – and who are women – then there’s no problem, as far as I can tell.
In the middle of my singlehood, I wrote a poem about the bucket in my head where I cry all my tears. I was a sad, desperate, lonely man, just the kind of guy who doesn’t get featured in dreamy stories in Teen Beat magazine. I recognized that I was that way, but recognizing it didn’t change it.
I’ve never been good at recognizing flirtation. One idea that may help, Payne, is to change your default assumptions. Instead of assuming that someone is not flirting with you, assume that they are, and flirt back a little. Nothing heavy – don’t go off about how she’s got the most beautiful eyes you’ve ever seen, or something – but stay light, with smiles, laughs, etc. Look at it as something fun that won’t get you laid, and maybe good things will happen.
If you can’t recognize flirtation, know that there’s a good chance folks are flirting with you all the time and you don’t know it. I’m pretty sure that used to happen to me a lot: there are some occasions in my youth that I look back on in disbelief at my stupidity (newsflash to 16-year-old Daniel: when a girl hops into your lap and puts her arm around you, SHE’S GOT THE HOTS FOR YOU, YOU MORON!) I only ever noticed it when it was over-the-top blatant (Her: “Do you want to have an affair with me?” Me: Isn’t that your husband sitting right across the table from us, listening to you and glaring at me?")
So that’s my advice: don’t worry about offending people with light flirtation, because lots more people enjoy it than don’t like it. Don’t be creepy, don’t expect light flirtation to go anywhere, and don’t be viewing each flirt-partner as the potential Love of your Life. Do it for harmless fun, and see how it goes.
Daniel
Jack@ss: If you’re really desparate, any medium-sized city near you will have an escort service.
Daniel, I do try to keep it light, smile, not glare malevolently, etc. But either they aren’t actually flirting with me, I’m just butt-ugly, or I’m doing it all wrong. Oh, well, practice makes perfect, and it looks like I’m gonna get lots of practice in the next few years…
Coyote,
I appreciate you pointing that out. I don’t know if I made this clear, but I really want more than to pay a woman for some attention. I want to be wanted to make me feel better about myself. I’m thinking that since that’s not happening, I’ll just quit chasing it. Maybe working on myself for a while will take my mind off looking for validation from someone else. Maybe it will take my mind off of feeling sorry for myself.
I get flirtation from every woman I know who breaks up with her SO. The day after they break up, before I know that they’ve broken up. So I’m thinking: “Wow, Cheryl’s really hot, and she’s telling me that I’m sexy. But she & Joe are an item and have been for 3 years, so she’s not available. I guess she’s just expressing admiration, trying to make me feel good about myself. That’s so sweet of her!” And of course I never follow up on it. Then a week later I hear that she’s banged 2 guys in the office and Joe is suicidal. The other point to those 3 (yes 3) episodes are that I know that a woman who chases dick immediately post-breakup is just using sex to try & feel better about herself (sounds familiar) and will most likely regret it afterwards. I don’t mind the idea of being used for sexual therapy. I do mind the fact that I get obsessed with women who do that with me. I’m not going to sacrifice a friendship (probably 2) for it.
Payne,
Me too. I’ve gotten better at recognizing it sooner; it only takes me a week anymore.