You picked my two.
Oh, come on! I’ll give you the last 5-7 years, but not a moment more! He’s the only comedian I know of that actually has a genuinely funny “flying on an airplane” bit.
Steve Martin from the 70’s was awful, but I like some of his movies. Three Amigos, anyone? That scene in Roxanne where he gets the newspaper out of the machine… heh.
I’m gonna get flamed for this, but Gilda Radner is just not funny. Ditto for Paula Poundstone. Andrew Dice Clay, Gilbert Gottfried, Pauly Shore and Carrot Top make me wonder about the future of our race.
And for the record, I smoke pot, and Cheech and Chong are very rarely funny. They have a few jokes that are kinda funny in retrospect, but sitting through a whole C&C movie or album is pretty painful.
LC
Rowan Atkinson. I mean, I love Blackadder but I just don’t get Mr. Bean.
Gilda Radner wasn’t funny? shocked How DARE you!
I would like to second Benny Hill; practically everyone in Britain was sick of him after seeing him on telly for 30 years;
now he seems to have some kind of incomprehensible cult following in other countries. Nope. Rubbish.
And also second Aristophanes. If they ever thought he was funny 2000 years ago (which is not necessarily the case) this certainly doesn’t translate to the modern era.
You’re kidding, right?
I crack up every time I hear or read “Brek-ek-ek-ek, co-ax, co-ax.” Doesn’t everyone?
And Lysistrata: the idea that women could have some sort of power over men just by withholding sex. What a riot!
Well quite, but since you don’t seem aware that he’s not dead, I’m not sure you’ll “get” most things. 
Flip Wilson: unoriginal, unfunny, joke thief. His bits were done better and funnier by people who came before him.
More recently: Tracey Morgan, Joe Piscopo and Tim Meadows. I don’t think I’ve laughed at anything these three have ever done.
Red Green: Stoopid
For those who have only seen comics like Red Skelton and Ernie Kovacs on tape, please keep in mind that these people were cutting edge comedy for their time. The material being dated doesn’t mean is wasn’t screamingly funny back then.
Richard Belzer had a career as a comedian which completely mystified me.
I used to really dislike Gilbert Gottfried, but he is hilarious doing celebrity roasts. Truly.
Oh yeah: Whoopi Goldberg. She should have opened a hardware store.
Bob Newhart was a cute young man, is a cute old man
is not funny
Benny Hill!? Come on – that’s comedic gold! I love all the running around and butt slapping.
I think John Candy made some poor movies, but he was brilliant on SCTV. Any man who could play Johnny LaRue, Yosh (or was it Stan?) Schmenge, Mayor Tommy Shanks, Doctor Tongue, and countless other characters and be consistently funny deserves a place in the comedy Hall of Fame.
Most of the other SCTVer’s also did their best work there (at least until Michael Guest started his repertory company): Catherine O’Hara, Andrea Martin, Eugene Levy, Joe Flaherty, Dave Thomas, Rick Moranis. The only notable weak spots were the short timers: Tony Rosato and Robin Duke.
Ditto Bob Hope.
Henny Youngman and Jack Benny are like Bob; I don’t think one-liners are funny.
uhhh Yakov Smirnoff
What a country!
points up Smirnoff’s only joke. Repeat endlessly.
Chris Elliot - more annoying than Tom Greene and nowhere close to being outrageous.
one of my favorite movies of all times is “My favorite Brunette” starring Bob Hope (so all of you Hope haters are on my list))
and - Ellen DeGeneres had to turn into a fish before I thought she was funny
Ditto on Red Skelton- he reminded me of the annoying uncle/cousin/grandpa every kid has who thinks he’s funny. (Clem Kadiddlehopper- what was that about? I’ve literally seen funnier characterizations from second graders.)
Buddy Hackett- I remember watching some HBO specials that seemed to be all masturbation jokes. That’s an image nobody needs now that Syrup of Ipecac is FDA approved.
Joan Rivers- funny for three minutes in 1974. After that it’s “Insert insulting comment here” Oh Grow Up! Can We Talk? “Insert either the “why can’t you be like Sheila?” or “Menstrual cycle/Schwinn” joke here” repetition, plus she committed the cardinal sin of not being able to take it good naturedly when she became the butt of jokes from drag queens and a revenant Liz Taylor.
Joey Bishop- mentioning that you’re Jewish in every sentence isn’t an act. OTOH, it would be hard to distinguish yourself when you’re on a stage with Frank, Sammy & Dean (all of whom had impeccable comic timing in their prime as well as singing talent).
and the Clown Prince of the Unfunny, the one I Really Can’t Understand Why He Was Ever a Megabucks Star and Comedy God- Tastes Must Have Changed More than Moby’s Underwear-
Jerry Lewis. Whether it’s his “Hey Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaady!” retarded kid schtick or his post 1970 “but seriously, all kidding aside…” slop, I just don’t get it.
Okay, it wasn’t funny, but Smirnov said something I’ve always remembered (paraphrasing): You can move to Italy and live there 20 years, but you won’t become an Italian. You can move to Germany, but that won’t make you German. But anyone, from anywhere in the world, can come to America and become an American. That’s what makes America a great county.
And you know, he’s right.
Mr. Bean Rocks!
Of course, he wouldn’t be funny at all with Rowan…
I never liked Milton Berle(i am old)
The stupid dressing up as a woman, etc.
Woody Allen.
Never got it.(no ones mentioned him yet?)
without Rowan.