When Scott Hamilton was announcing for Olympic Skating, during the second round of competition, after every single skater, while they were waiting for the scores he said, “These numbers can only go up…”
Try this folks www.btinternet.com/~homepage/ballsa.htm#cole
Coleman’s not so much annoying as amusing.
Not stupid but very good. One of Irelands national treasures.
Micheal O Muircheartaigh’s greatest sayings…
(Galway V Cork) Anthony Lynch the Cork corner back
will be the last person to let you down, his people are
undertakers
(Sligo V Dublin) I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in
Gardiner street this morning and the omens seem to
be good for them, the priest was wearing the same
colour as the Sligo jersey! 40 yards out on the hogan
stand side of the field…
Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. It’s
over the bar. This man shouldn’t be playing football. He’s
made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition.
Lazarus was a great man but he couldn’t kick points like
Colin Corkery.
1-5 to 0-8… well from Lapland to the Antarctic, that’s level
scores in any man’s language.
Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motoring well now … but here
comes Joe Rabbit hot on his tail… I’ve seen it all now, a
Rabbit chasing a Fox around Croke Park!
Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar, I bought a dog
from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal, the dog
ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21 fires a
shot, it goes to the left and wide… and the dog lost as well.’
Teddy McCarthy to John McCarthy, no relation, John McCarthy
back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation.
Sean Og o Hailpin… his father’s from Fermanagh, his mother’s
from Fiji, neither a hurling stronghold.
For silly things you need go no further than the master Murray Walker of Grand Prix fame.
One thing that I remember that still bugs me is when Bud Collins was commentating at the French Open after Jim Courier won for the second time. Courier had said that if he won again, he would give his victory speech on the court in French. True to his word, he spoke in the language and threw in the disclaimer, “Pardonnez-moi si je parle francais comme une vache Espagnol…” (or something close to that)
Bud Collins starts laughing hysterically and says, “He just apologized to the crowd for his Spanish!”
Which was not the case, Courier used an idiomatic expression in which he apologized for speaking French like a Spanish cow. In France, many native English speakers have such a bad accent, they sound “like a Spanish cow” to the locals.
I just disliked the way Bud Collins assumed he understood the language and could translate for us poor American slobs watching back home.
Bud COllins is truly an embarrassment. I recall how, after Michael Stich of Germany won the Wimbledon final, Bud strolled over and began speaking fractured, garbled German to Stich.
Not surprisingly, it turned out that Stich spoke much better English than Bud did.
I don’t know the commentator, but I was watching a college football game on ESPN and there were about 2 minutes left and the team on defense had the lead. This is when I heard the stupidest thing from a commentator ever:
“The Aggies really have to hold their water now.”
Ah, Bud Collins. This may be rather obscure, but does anybody remember, during Wimbledon coverage, “…net cord!”, spoken sotto voce, everytime a player would hit the net while keeping the ball in play? Used to bug the shit out of my brothers and I.
How serendipitous.
The doyen of UK commentator-speak used to be David Coleman, a person who could detract from any commentary merely by adding to it.
Satirical magazine ‘Private Eye’ has published a series of books, ‘Colemanballs’, dedicated to this Eminence Grise of the spoken word.
So it helps if you name is Coleman then.
Beloved Indians broadcaster Herb Score was often heard making fun gaffes on the air. In his defense, he was once hit in the face by a batted ball when he was pitching. My favorite of his, upon witnessing a long fly ball: "Is it fair? Is it foul? It is!!!
I used to run the board at WKNR-AM for Cleveland Indians Radio Network feeds, and Herb would often lose his place when giving outcues for commercial breaks. I can’t remember how many times I heard him say, “And, after four innings, it’s Cleveland 3, Indians 2.” :rolleyes:
Formula 1, Finnish TV, Antti Kyllönen: “Skirts up, Scotsman (McLaren), Häkkinen is coming from behind!”
While killing time yesterday, I happened to catch “Judge Judy.” I began to wonder, after the plaintiff had said for the third time that the defendant had made himself “spairce” instead of “scarce,” how annoyed judges must get after hearing morons try to use big words to impress their audience. It was an entertaining show 
I was listening to a newscast on a local radio station the other day. The newsreader said that police raided a marijuana grow-op and were surprised to discover a “large cock ring”. Then he paused for a moment as if thinking to himself what the hell did I just say?. It turned out he was talking about a cockfighting ring, or cockpit. Still, it sounded funny, those police discovering a large cock ring.
A pronunciation thing. Jacksonville has had the NFL Jaguars since 1995(?). Local newsreaders STILL mispronounce the name. It is NOT - JagWIRES, it is JagWars. If I were news director at one of the local stations, I’d fine every on-air idiot that said Jagwires … $100 the first time, $200 the second, $400 the third, and so on. Depending upon my mood, I might restart the count each newcast, or I might just let it run cumulatively.
At one of the UFC’s Tank Abbot was commentating (a bar brawler who can bench 600 pounds and works himself into exhaustion if the fight lasts more than a minute - gets hit in the head a lot, now in wrestling) on a couple of matches.
The first one I remember, the other commentators clearly didn’t like him there. The tone they used and a few things they slipped in, but at one point Tank was just describing the current match. It was some lightweights and he said he wanted to see a heavyweight fight, because this was like watching chihuahuas fight. He wanted to see some “bulldogs” fight. The commentator laughed condescendingly and said that a bulldog is a small dog itself. Tank gave a “what the fuck?” look and pointed out that it was bigger than a chihuahua.
In another one, they introduced him as a commentator and were clearly trying to outclass him by haphazardly using polysyllabic words. Tank just rolled his eyes, “I don’t know any of those words, I went to a state college.”
[slight hijack]
I can’t read this thread without thinking of the best movie parody of a commentator: Fred Willard in Best in Show.
“You know it’s hard to believe that in some countries, they eat these dogs.”
[end slight hijack]
Yes, yes yes, a thousand times yes! I hate this guy. I was so excited when he left NBC, than one day I turn on FOX, and there’s his big fat stupid head!
Ah yes, in a conversation about dumb things said by sports commentators, you can practically guarantee that Murray Walker will appear.
For those of you who have never heard of him, he commentates on Formula One. He’s a genuinely huge fan of the sport, but unfortunately his enthusiasm tends to run ahead of his coherence.
How old is he now? Somewhere in his seventies, I believe, and he’s retiring this year. Probably about time - he’s had over 40 years commentating, I would guess, and these last couple of years he’s tended to become a parody of himself.
The great thing about Murray Walker is that although he makes mistakes, he genuinely loves his sport
Olympic Ice Skating and Dick Button, former Olympic medalist.
Why doesn’t he just comment on the skaters, not on how “fat” she is, how “plain” she is, etc. These are Olympic-caliber skaters with extraordinary athletic skills that, most likely, were a combination of exceptional genes and an incredible amount of practice and hard work.
…and Button wants to comment on their appearance. Pathetic.
Here in Atlanta a while back we had a small plane
crash and burst into flames onto I-85 or Ga 400 cant remember which…, during rush hour.
Naturally the media was live at the scene.
The local birdbrain anchor Brenda Wood from WXIA was asking questions
of the reporters. She was sooooo excited to be a part of this “Live Happening” she couldn’t hardly stand it.
She was asking him all kinds of stupid questions,
THEN she asked him.
“Did you hear any screams coming from inside the plane?”
My SO and I looked at each other in TOTAL DISBELIEF!!!
Did she really say that!!!
We never EVER watch that channel anymore, if she’s on while we’re passing through, we both say.
“That Stupid Bitch” and keep on going…
That is why Button is being replaced with the ambassador to ice skating Scott Hamilton, who only backbites about missed routines.