Commit hipster heresy!

Cafe Society
81

I am way too old to be posting about current hipsters, but back in the day…

While all my early 1980’s peers were listening to the Grateful Dead, The Doors, REO Speedwagon, Journey, et. al., me and about 100 others would see live and 10 feet away, stuff like REM, The Replacements, U2, Violent Femmes, Elvis Costello and about another dozen bands I could name.

I read Don Delillo, William Kennedy, Carl Sagan, and some guy named Cecil Adams.

I went to Stand By Me and The Blues Brothers while everyone was watching E.T. and Tootsie.

I watched the NBA and the debuts of Larry Bird and Magic Johnson and Michael Jordan when they were only shown on tape delay at night.

In other words, I won.

82

Yeah, I’m sure woodstockbirdybird and I haven’t listened to them in a long time. I’m just reaching to the periphery of my brain stemcells to remember a typical hipster-loved band. I do love the New Pornographers but I think to be properly pretentious you have to hate bands after they get big and all.

:slight_smile: I consider that album the b-sides to Kid A anyway. I remember them coming out back to back and they toured more extensively after the second album than they did for Kid A.

I’m not ashamed to say that I don’t love everything my old favourites put out now. I only bought the new DM because my boss is also a huge fan and let me listen to it first. I haven’t bought a Liz Phair album though I loved the first three, have pretty much abandoned Radiohead blahblah.

I think a big part of it is that I don’t listen to radio all that often unless it’s my old college radio station playing on the internet while I cook dinner.

Also a lot of stuff sounds 80s retread to me. That’s great, and I love bopping around to it but I’m not going to invest in an album since I own all the Cars records anyway. I’ll just download the good singles off of I-Tunes and make my friends mix cds called “80s Retread”.

83

The women I’ve been involved with all shaved their legs and armpits. Most of them didn’t smoke, even when I did.

I don’t “get” Kate Bush, and I don’t “get” anybody who does.

After fifteen years of actually performing it, I came to the awful realization that improv comedy gives me the creeps.

84

Un-Hip Things

  • I wear Lilly Pulitzer, Abercrombie & Fitch and Lacoste shirts, madras skirts, and skorts.

  • I wear ribbons in my hair that coordinate with these outfits.

  • I carry girly designer handbags.

  • I love meat, especially Spam. I’m just recently getting into canned corned beef.

  • I drive American cars.

  • I love bagpipe music.

  • I worry about going to Hell.

  • I love hanging out with old people and going on bus trips.

  • I’m still mad about Pearl Harbor.

  • I drink martinis, but I may have to switch to Singapore Slings or Lime Rickeys or something because martinis seem pretty hip these days.

** Hip things**

  • I have a tattoo and a pierced navel.

  • I have weird-ass bumper stickers all over the back of my car.

  • I carry a pink Barbie lunch box.

  • Once a week I go nuts and dress Goth and go to the grocery store.

  • I like the band Squirrel Nut Zippers.

  • I do paintings of women getting their guts eaten by demons and worms with Medusa hair and sharp teeth and have gallery showings, well, four so far anyhow. (Then I dress in my preppy stuff and follow people around to see what they say about the paintings because they never think I’m the one who painted them.)

I suspect I may be more un-hip than hip.

85

I’d be worried about going to Hell too, if I loved bagpipe music.

86

Oh, man, I didn’t even think of that. I bet that’s a Venial or something. I do love it though.

If I’m having a party and I want people to vamoose all I do is put on a Scottish Rogues CD.

87

Don’t feel bad. Same thing happened to me with a Kelly Clarkson song.

88

Ohhhh, that reminds me:

– Whatever-her-name-is from No Doubt’s background music is very good (well, except for that one song.)
– Whoever sings that song “Complicated” has a pretty good voice.

If you combined the music of the one and the singing of the other I’d buy the album. But I’d still feel guilty about it.

89

Hipster Cred:
I am a pretentious aging music fiend who has seen many bands the main stream loves before they “sold out”, I read, breathe, and dream music (punk, new wave, 1980’s alternative), and say statements such as “Lou Reed was inspiration for Sonic Youth and modern electronic music”, or “This science-fiction movie is Kafkaesque”, and I have used the term decollage in conversation. I watch independent film, live in the city, don’t drive, drink coffee like it is water, and I am a wine snob. I read books, and watch documentaries on music and the arts. I eat dinner between 8 and 9 pm, I don’t go to bed before midnight even when I have to be up by 6 am. I eschew junk food and aspire to cook like a foodie. I eschew commercialism, hate SUVs, Hummers, status items, and I prefer unique finds in a thrift store. I love black rimmed cat eye glasses, striped jeans, “cool shoes” like Doc Marten Boots, Converse shoes, Monkey Boots, Creepers, Vans, Fluevogs. I color my hair a very bright red (it is a pixie cut now because Bettie Page bangs are so passe). Hanging out in a local hipster pub, talking to almost no one but my partner, the staff, and other people in the local arts & music scenes, and the bands that play at the pub.
And most importantly, I am old enough to remember when Goths were called Death Rockers, Punk was one genre (maybe two, Hardcore & Punk), College Rock was called Alternative, and Hipsters were called art fags…

My Hipster Heresy’s
I can’t stand the Smiths - and I hate Morrisey with the passion of 1000 burning suns!
I prefer a cheap beer called Pil (aka Lethbridge Pilsner) to the micros or Stella.
I have no tattoos and utterly no urge to stretch my earlobes large enough to fit as frisbee in them.
I don’t love the 70’s or most of the 1980’s for that matter, I hate ironic t-shirts, scarfs year round look silly, corduroy suit jackets are ugly, for that matter brown is ugly, and I hate tight girl pants on boys.
I am not a vegetarian.
I will still buy converse even though Nike owns them.
I don’t like most of this modern hipster shoe-gazing music, it sounds to me like a rehash on 1990’s alternative done badly.
Love country music from the 70’s and earlier - Dolly Parton, Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash, etc. and occasionally in a cab ride where country is on the radio, I catch myself enjoying non-alt-country.
Nirvana was overrated - but I still enjoy them.
I have clothing from the Gap & Old Navy because it fits and I like the way it looks.

90

I’ll go with this: I hate the fucking glasses available now. They’re incredibly stupid looking. As a long term myopic, I just gotta wear em, but the current geek librarian look is idiotic for me. Last glasses change, I finally found a decent pair, after umpteen hours of searching. Ain’t a fan of stupid hipster glasses; either klunky retro frames, or tiny Euro style ones.

I like to go to bed by midnight, too.