This past weekend, I traveled with my family to attend my cousin’s wedding. It was a catholic ceremony, and very beautiful. At the end, everyone was invited to take communion - you know the drill. Wafer and wine. My parents were seated behind me and my husband and kids, and my brother and sister were next to my parents with their families. There were over 300 people at the wedding.
Anyhow, as I made my way down the church pew to go and take communion, my dad told me that I had to sit down. He said “You can’t take communion, PurpleHaze”. Shocked, I didn’t know what to think, but I sat back down. Everyone in the surrounding pews was looking at me. My older brother tapped me on the shoulder and told me that I can’t take communion if I don’t go to confession. I fought tears the rest of the ceremony and felt just awful at the ceremony. Dad approached me at the wedding reception and said that the reason he told me to sit down is because I’m not a member of any church.
I don’t mean to open a big debate about religion here - I know these things can get out of hand. My honest question is this; can anyone take communion? We don’t go to church because my husband was raised Catholic, had some bad experiences, and doesn’t like organized religion, as he puts it. I do pray, and have a deep and abiding faith and belief.
Dad and I are close, and he was doing what he felt was the correct thing to do. I feel so betrayed, though, that I could hardly look at him the rest of out trip.
When he told me to sit down, I felt like some kind of sinner, not good enough to take communion. It was awful.
I don’t know much about the whole communion thing. Are there communion rules?
In the Catholic Church, you can take communion if you’re a Catholic who doesn’t have any unconfessed “grave sin” and who hasn’t eaten for at least an hour.
In your case, you’re not Catholic, and it’s also possible you have an unconfessed “grave sin”. I wouldn’t consider it a reflection on your general moral worth.
I’d be more concerned that your father calls you by your name on here.
There are communion rules, but I don’t know them. I’m pretty much an atheist now, but was raised Lutheran. We didn’t have communion all the time, and IIRC, weren’t so picky about it. I also know that, as a nominal Lutheran, I’m allowed to take communion at Catholic services under a recent agreement between the two churches.
I think you’re supposed to go through confirmation and “first communion” first, it’s not about going to confession per se.
OTOH, I don’t think it’s your father’s place to tell you you can’t take communion at a wedding. Given the setting, I doubt the priest(s) would have grilled anyone about it.
There are rules about communion, but not going unless you’ve been to confession is not one of them. I’m not a Catholic, but I go to mass once or twice a year because my wife is one, and of course I don’t take communion when I go. However, my wife does, and I don’t think she’s been to confession in over 30 years. There is a general confession as part of the mass, before communion, and that seems to cover it. I suspect that it’s only if you’ve committed some extraordinary sin that you’d want to go to have individual confession with a priest.
Remember that there a lot of different Christian churches and denominations and they have different rules. I believe your father was correct in saying that isn’t allowed in the Catholic church. IIRC, you have to be Catholic to accept Catholic communion. It isn’t like people are going to check your papers once you get up front but it is church and it is supposed to be taken in good faith.
It isn’t that way with all churches. I am Episcopalian and the services look very much like Catholic services but anyone who has been baptised in any Christian church is welcome to take communion. The same principle applied to the United Methodist church I grew up in.
It sounds to me like you’re not Catholic. Ergo, you cannot take communion. It’s a sacrament that is available only to members of the Church. Of course, you can go eat a cracker on your own, but if you have respect for your family’s traditions, you won’t try to insert yourself into a ritual for which you do not qualify.
Im a Methodist and we believe that anyone who seeks forgiveness of their sins are welcome to take communion… Methodist or non-methodist, church member or visitor, adult or child. All are welcome.
No, you are not supposed to take communion in a Catholic church, unless you are a Catholic in good standing. Next time, if there is one, take a look around and you may see any number of people who choose not to go up. They may be, like me, a non-Catholic who is attending with a Catholic family member. They may be divorced or have some other unresolved issue with the church but still wish to attend. They may be an adult who hasn’t yet finished instruction to join the church. It’s not a big deal to stay in your seat and conduct your own meditations. You also have the option of going up and receiving a blessing from the priest in lieu of communion–just cross your hands over your chest.
I was surprised, too, the first time I attended a Catholic church, having been raised as a Presbyterian. I thought communion was certain to be one ritual to be shared by all Christians. Not so. Not very much in the spirit of the first communion, but it’s their church.
It’s that belief in the transubstantiation that trips up most non-Catholic Christians. If your church believes that communion is symbolic, then you don’t believe in transubstantiation. Catholics, Eastern Orthodox, and I think one other qualify in that they believe that the communion IS the body and blood of Christ.
I was raised Luthern but am surrounded by Catholics and have gone to many Catholic weddings and funerals. I knew as a non Catholic I wasn’t supposed to take communion with them, and I didn’t. Twice at weddings I’ve heard the priest come right out and say if you aren’t Catholic don’t come forward.
Even in a church with open communion (which is what Whammo is talking about) there might be people who don’t go up. My parents are Methodist, but I’m Jewish, and my sister is disenchanted with organized religion. If I went to some sort of service at my parents’ church, I wouldn’t take communion- it’s for Christians.
Communion, for most churches and denominations, is a very serious thing - and there is the warning in 1 Corinthians 11 about how not to take communion.
With some churches, taking communion is not just about the bread and wine, but carries with it a statement that the person taking communion believes certain things, is willing to demonstrate those beliefs, and is in a position to make such a statement.
A weak analogy would be saying some other country’s version of a pledge of allegiance (if other countries had such a thing - which I’m not sure they do, which is why it’s a weak analogy). It’s not that I’m not good enough to be that nationality - it’s that I’m not that nationality, so I shouldn’t be pledging.
Still, that should have been handled better. No one should be crying anything but tears of joy at a wedding.
Why would you WANT to take communion? What would have meant to you? In the Catholic church, as has been mentioned above, it IS the blood and body of Christ. You would want to drink and eat that? Why? What was your motivation at that time? Did you understand transubstantiation? Did you know the meaning of the event for the Catholics? What would it have meant to you? Did you just want to participate for the sake of some sort of unity? As you think back on it now, without the tears and subtracting the aspects of your relationship with your father, do you still wish you had partaken? If you had been at any other religious ceremony, would you have been compelled to partake of the behaviors of the adherants? Would you have whirled along with the Dervishes, for example? Flogged yourself? Etc? Just askin’ xo, C.
CC, The words spoken over the bread and wine don’t differ much from one Chrisitan denomination to another. I don’t think it’s unusual for people who were raised Christian but not Catholic to be surprised that the Catholic Church does not accept the sacraments of their church to be equivalent to its own.
At every Catholic wedding and funeral I’ve ever been to, there’s been loads of people who didn’t get up for communion. (Except for my grandfather’s, which was small and up North and it was just me and my dad who didn’t go up.) It’s perfectly usual and nobody stares at you or anything. No big deal at all. I’m not religious, and if I were I’m certainly not Catholic, so I don’t see what the big deal is about remaining in one’s seat.
I was married in a Catholic church; my husband was Catholic but I am not. So not only did I not take Communion at my own wedding, but pretty much “my” half of the church didn’t since I only have a few Catholic relatives/friends.
I’ve even attended Mass in a Catholic church with my inlaws and remained seated in the pew when it came time for Communion. Anyone who realizes that some people in the church just might not be Catholic wouldn’t think twice about you not going up there.
I was raised catholic, and had a first communion and all. I was baptised as a baby, and also as an adult of 20. I attended church through my early 20’s, and took communion many times. I know what the ceromony means, and was not trying to be a gate-crasher. I don’t attend church now, but still pray.
Thanks to everyone for clearing this up for me.
Oh, and I don’t have any deep sins to confess or be absolved of.
But most of the people who don’t go up for communion don’t start making their way down the pew, have someone come up to them and say something, and then go back to their seats. That’s unusual in a way that just staying seated in the pew isn’t.
Isn’t the sacrament of reconciliation (aka confession) considered to be at the discretion of the churchgoer these days? I’m not completely up on these things, but I think your dad was wrong to tell you that it’s a requirement for taking communion, unless you have some sort of serious sin weighing on you. I’m pretty sure my husband hasn’t done it in years and he has no qualms about taking communion every week.
