Concerned Parent or Whackadoodle Mom - re cyberbullying

In My Humble Opinion
1

FYI, IANA parent, so my reactions might be totaly different from what a parent would think.

My friend and co-workers is a single mom with two boys, one on 4th and one in 7th grade. Sometime yesterday she heard from her younger son that one of the classmates of the older son had posted some “bad” material on Facebook about the older kid.

She doesn’t know what it is. Apparently there is a picture of him, and some comments about how he needs to be taught a lesson of some kind, and the word “marshmallow” is used. It sounds as if this other kid is basically calling her son a pussy for some reason. She learned about it because the 7th grade poster also has a 4th grade brother who knows about it, and told her younger son.

She hasn’t seen the material, and her kids haven’t either. Apparently it’s possible to restrict Facebook page access to your “friends”, and this had been done.

Anyway she is up in arms. She tried to call the parents of the kid last night, and they didn’t answer and so far haven’t returned her messages. She said the last school newletter had a story on cyberbullying, and how the school wants to crack down on it, so she called the school this morning and left messages for the principal, assistant principal, and her son’s teacher, and is also quite upset that they haven’t yet returned her call (by 3 PM when I left work). She is toying with the idea of calling the police.

When she said that, I laughed out loud, and she got kinda pissed with me. She said, “I’m not some kind of Whackadoodle mom ya know”, and I said that if she called the police at this stage, she would be.

So, what would you do? If it were me, I’d just tell my kids, “If either of you ever actually see what’s posted, print it out and bring it home. We can decide if there’s anything more that needs to be done.” I wouldn’t call the school, I certainly wouldn’t call the police without a whole lot more evidence that there might be a crime committed.

I might call the parents – I’d have to think about that, but I think it’s reasonable to ask them to take a look at what their kid is posting online, and remove it or send me a copy.

As for the school, unless there is some evidence the kid posted from school or used school resources, I wouldn’t want it involved either. The school was involved at least peripherally in the sense that it was how the kids knew each other, but so what?

And she was especially outraged that there was a picture, and he “must” have taken the picture at school, so the school had a duty to do… something.

Thoughts?

2

Calling the police based on a 3rd hand account that’s gone through a pair of 10 year olds, and the most damning word is “marshmallow”? Whackadoodle.

3

I think she should ask the 7th grader what he knows about it. Has she talked to him at all yet?

As for the rest, I agree with you - I’d want to see what it was that was being posted and, if possible, keep it just between the kids and parents.

Also, how long has she given all parties to respond? One day? And she wants to call the police already?

On the one hand, as a mother I can well imagine her feeling protective of her kid. On the other, as a kid who used to be bullied, the last thing I’d want to happen is to have tons of people know about it. It would have made it so much worse.

4

AFAIK, the 7th grader knows nothing. Or he knows what his mother and brother told him, and obviously they don’t know much.

I don’t know if she gave time limits to anybody, but she was already talking about calling Superintendent Chalmers :stuck_out_tongue: tomorrow if no one called her back today.

5

Has she considered contacting Facebook?

Here is their page about safety and abuse: Redirecting...

They might be able to at least verify whether or not the claims the younger kids made are true.

Also - how old is a 7th grader? They don’t like kids under 13 to be using their service.

6

Boy, nothing goes over better for a 7th grader being called a pussy than for his mommy to go nuts over it.

I am a single mom, two boys spaced the same amount but not that old yet. My older son is somewhat, ahhhh, bookish. Meaning he has nerd potential to get picked on. Still, I think at this point I would just ask him (the 7th grade version of him) if there is anything he feels threatened over and what the whole story was, and if there was any time of the day he was getting bullied at school, ever felt uncomfortable or unsure of his safety, then just check in on the subject every few days or so by working it into regular conversations over dinner or in the car.

Of course, this goes with the understanding that I am laying the foundation for that level of trust and comfort between me and my boys now, and since the day they were born. If she’s always been like this that won’t work for her because the kids won’t want to tell her jack shit because she’ll go nuclear over the kid in the lunch line calling sweet little Jimmy an assface and demand reparations or a head on a stick. But that’s just wild speculation on my part.

7

Thank you. I will email her this link right now. She’s still at work.