Well, I lost my temper and I took a knife and I uh… you know those little “Do Not Remove Under the Penalty of Law” labels they put on mattresses? Well I cut one of them off! Yeah, I got a real bad temper.
I’m a micro-smuggler.
Alcohol into Canada (forgot it was in the car)
Open packet of English cheddar into the US (didn’t know I wasn’t supposed to open the cheese on the plane)
Fruit from the UK into the US (Different trip than the cheese incident. Suburban Plankton actually tried to declare the apple, but then we couldn’t find it in our luggage. Found it later. )
What a great opportunity to get this off my chest… I’ve been carrying the burden of this crime for at least 35 years.
Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away, I went to the bathroom and saw some blood where there shouldn’t be any. I went to my doctor and she said I needed to go get a stool softener. Okay. I went immediately to the grocery story with my checkbook and shopped for regular stuff, too. I went to the health section and put a bottle of stool softener capsules in the cart. I did not have one penny of cash with me. Or a credit card. The grocery store was not close to where I lived–maybe a 20-30 min drive.
I got in the checkout line and prepared to fill out my check before it was my turn. (I’m NOT one of those people who waits until the checker has totaled up my order and then acts surprised that I’m expected to pay for it.) I opened my checkbook and all I saw were deposit slips. I had already used up the last check and hadn’t replaced it with a new pad.
Oh dear. I had this Situation where I needed the stool softener pretty quick. I went around the store and put all the groceries back, including the frozen stuff back in the appropriate freezer section. I put the bottle of stool softener capsules in my purse and walked out of the store.
The end.
Epilogue: everything came out fine.
Oh, I forgot this one. During my junior of college I stayed up at campus during winter break to keep working in my lab. I was housesitting for friends. I had no money and wasn’t getting a paycheck for a couple days, and was out of food.
I bought a very small shopping to get through until I coukd deposit my check, but wrote a knowingly bad check to the grocery store. A few days later there was money in my account and the check was paid, I incurred a returned check fee, which I paid without complaint. But I felt bad.
People should be terrified. Somebody I know well drove a car full of firearms from almost Canada to Key West.
Apparently, nobody looks at a car with two middle-aged women in it and thinks “GUN RUNNERS!”
That was the whitest thing I have ever heard.
I have used the office fax for personal business.
I once trick-or-treated the same house twice and got away with it. They were handing out full-size candy bars.
Not once, but three times, I took a plane with several single-sided razor blades in my carry-on. I simply forgot they were there and TSA never stopped me.
I routinely bring fourteen items to the Fourteen Items of Less aisle and then when I’m there I’ll grab a Snicker bar to add to the total; or ask for garbage bags (you gotta use town bags if you want your trash picked up, but I digress) … completely making a mockery of the item limit.
Other than that, I’m curious … how many hookers buried beneath one’s floor boards would disqualify one from a microcrime?
Just askin’. No reason.
I’ve accidentally shoplifted more than once. I use my electric scooter for shopping. I have a basket, I sling a cloth shopping bag over the handles of my scooter, and if something is bulky I may put it between my feet. More than once I have gone home, got off my scooter into my wheelchair and noticed a forgotten item (usually a 4L jug of milk) that had been between my feet. Yes, I know I should go back and pay for it, but my sense of ethics only goes so far (and the grocery store is further away than that :smack: )
This is a micro-crime I haven’t committed… Yet… But I think it’s just a matter of time.
Since childhood (I’m in my 40s), I often have an impulse at a supermarket snack aisle to just pummel the bags of chips, to feel and hear them crumbling inside a sealed bag. Not to be mean to whoever ends up buying a bag of crumbs, in fact that’s why I don’t do it, … I just feel like I want the crunchy satisfaction.
Well one day not long ago, I let myself go on a bag we’d already bought but hadn’t opened for a party that had ended. I hoped it would discharge the urge. Oh no. Now I know it was exactly what I imagined it would be like.
Well, there may have been an armed robbery at a MicroCenter Computer Store. Ummm, ahhh, that’s not the kind of micro crime amaguri had in mind? :o
Okay how about this instead. On my first flight (international) I took a partially used but 8oz tube of shaving cream & a 4oz unused container generic IcyHot in my carry on luggage. The generic icy hot was confiscated before boarding the connecting interprovincial flight but I kept quiet about my shaving cream in my toiletries bag. Unfortunately, that didn’t survive the stricter security on the way home, when there was even less in the tube.
Wow, so many criminals here!
Okay, I’ll 'fess up.
I do an awful lot of jaywalking,
I sometimes park in a lot with prominent “no walk-offs” signs, and then I go ahead and walk off. Sometimes I don’t even shop at any of the stores there.
I sometimes take more packets of ketchup, hot sauce, pepper, etc than I need, and bring them home. Do the same for paper napkins.
Sure. That’s it.
I smuggled a bottle of Maker’s Mark bourbon onto a cruise ship.
Enjoyed sipping a glass of it on the balcony every evening.
mmm
Yesterday, I was in a left-turn lane FOREVER, and the green arrow only lasted about 5 seconds. It turned red when I got up to it, and I STILL WENT. Cars were starting to go from the other direction! Don’t tell anybody.
We all saw what you did there.
At a hotel conference last year I accidently bellied up to a hot sausage, egg and fruit breakfast served by a different organization from mine across the hall instead of the bagel and coffee offered by my group. When I walked in with my loaded plate my bagel noshing co-workers pointed out my error. I did not stop eating and repent.
Mmm… nothing tastier than purloined sausage.
How the hell are you going to sit in judgement day with this heinous crime hanging over your head? If I were you, I’d work out some kind of strategy. 
When I moved into my last apartment I had free HBO for a certain number of months. When the time was up I unhooked the adapter and returned it to the store and told them I was cancelling before they charged me. I continued to get free HBO anyway for several years. I never bothered to call the company to tell them.