I knew about this “rule”, but was not offended in the least when people congratulated me on my engagement. In fact, I was more annoyed when one well wisher chastised another for saying “congratulations” instead of “best wishes.”
It’s not universal in the NY/NJ region, since I grew up in NJ, reside in NY, and have never heard of this one.
Never heard of this, either.
Why not congratulate them BOTH for finding their soulmate or whatever?
I’d always heard you congratulate a woman when she is pregnant. Therefore if you congratulate a bride, you are suggesting she is pregnant. Yeah, I know, it’s a huge leap of logic. But you know how easy it is to offend people.
I wonder if this is a generational thing. I’m 46 and I’ve known you don’t congratulate a bride since I was a kid. Are those of you who haven’t heard this before much younger than me?
I live in NJ, and I’ve known it for many years.
I’ve always been uncomfortable with the notion of congratulating brides, newlyweds, new parents, etc., for the exact same reason Emily Post gives. “Congratulations” implies that you’ve achieved something unusual through hard work–earned a promotion, won an award, that sort of thing. Anyone who is of legal age, not currently married, and has the fee for the license can enter into a marriage. Anyone who doesn’t have fertility issues can get pregnant. These things are joyous occasions, but not accomplishments. Told of your joy and good wishes, yes, but not congratulated. “Congratulations” to a bride carries a connotation of “Way to finally boat that bass!”
Then why would be ok to tell the GROOM “Congratulations”?
My take on this is that it’s the groom who’s doing the proposing, so he’s congratulated for taking a chance and having the bride say yes.
Saying congratulations to the bride implies that she got lucky because somebody asked her to marry him.
Regardless, why anyone would correct someone on this point in this age is beyond me. Unless someone has done something truly horiffic in front of you (like a personal insult), it’s best to just smile and say thank you.
I’ve never heard of it. A/S/L is 30/M/California.
Being unmarried, I still hold the illusion that marriage should be a pairing of equals, so congratulations are in order for everyone who achieves that state. 
-k
I knew this rule – but then, etiquette is a hobby of mine. For what it’s worth, Miss Manners still adhered to the rule, so it isn’t officially considered outdated. That said, Miss Manners had a letter a few years ago from someone who had been corrected (rather abruptly) in a receiving line for congratulating a bride and Miss M said that the rudeness of curtly correcting a guest was much more severe than the rudeness of congratulating a bride.
It’s obsolete, a remnant of ancient concepts of “husbandry” as “ownership.” Now that women have (more or less) equal rights, wish them whatever you please.
I’m 26, and have known as long as I can remember.
I have never heard of this. My wife was congratulated all the time (as was I) when we got engaged.
I have known this rule for as long as I can remember it and I follow it. I agree that it is perhaps old-fashioned, but I like it anyway – for me, to congratulate a woman on her engagement still manages to convey the unappealing notion that her landing a man is somehow an accomplishment. Blechy. I suppose really best wishes all around would be the best way to go, but (being a little old-fashioned myself), I still sort of like the idea of congratulating the groom-to-be on having won the love of a wonderful woman. But I realize there’s a certain blech factor to that, too, and my feminist sensibilities are appropriately outraged at me.
BTW, I’m from the suburbs of Philadelphia and am 32, so I’m not sure how that factors into the geographical/generational calculations for people who know the rule.
Also BTW, I agree that making the correction was a bigger breach of manners than offering the congratulations.
Well, when brides still insist on wearing virginal white and being ‘given away’ by Daddy to her new man. And Daddy takes her hand and places it in her new master’s hand. And she’s wearing a veil like she grew up wearing burkas so that no other man may gaze on her husband’s new property…
Well, then. No wonder there’s still some other archaicisms attached to the festivities.
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I’ve wished congratulations to both men and women hundreds of times at the occasions of engagement and of wedding and upon successfully breeding. I’ve never been rudely corrected for my supposed rudeness.
Although, if I were corrected, I’m the type who would rather instantly snap back that at my corrector that they are wrong and even if right, rude to point it out. Grrrrrr.
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Peace.