One common “polite” thing that I think is actually rather impolite is the practice of saying “Thanks” at the end of a request before the recipient has even assented to the request to begin with. I.e., "Hey, can you do me a favor and mow my lawn for me this weekend? Thanks." It is essentially assuming compliance before the recipient has agreed to anything at all yet.
I get the impression that this was done rather tongue-in-cheek.
This may or may not be the kind of thing you’re looking for, but there are situations when you’re driving where you have the right-of-way, and allowing someone else to go first may seem like the “polite” thing to do, but it’s actually a bad idea because it’s confusing or dangerous.
In general I want someone else to be consistent so it is easy to plan for. If you are breaking traffic conventions to let me go first I have to adjust for something unexpected. Plus, you are probably slowing everyone else down and making traffic generally move slower in aggregate, so you’ve hurt more than you helped.
Between back-in parkers, which seem to be 50% full-full-size pickups and thus twice as slow and annoying (don’t park in the fuggin’ compact slots, either!), and a particular kind of “I’m going to politely let you break all the rules because I’m nice” driver, this region is driving me crazy in this respect. To wit:
Far too many intersections here are at odd angles, sloped, narrow, something. It’s hard to make a turn from a cross street into some joining streets. Oh well; it’s where the asphalt lies. But there’s a class of driver who, on seeing you sitting at the cross street, waiting to pull out onto the slightly larger drag, won’t make their turn… they stop, some random distance back, and smile and wave you out onto the road, so they can make their turn without any, you know, effort to line up the vehicle. It means you either be an asshole and wave them off, which is usually misunderstood (they just wave harder at you and flash their lights, because you’re obviously stupid), or have to pull out knowing that any other traffic that comes around the blind corner is going to have no idea what’s going on.
FUCK I hate that. Just learn to drive, Yankee scum.
This happens fairly regularly when I’m cycling. Cars will stop when they have the right of way and now I have to pass right in front of them and hope they’re not one of those idiots that step on the gas too fast and then flatten me. Of course it doesn’t help me anyway because I had to slow down before I could be sure that they were actually stopping so it doesn’t actually help anyway. If they’d just went ahead they’d be long gone by the time I was there anyway and we’d all be home sooner.
In the US South among traditionalists, it is considered “the right thing to do”, upon meeting someone for the first time, to ask them which church they go to.
To a lot of people, this is shockingly rude and none of their … business.
Many people ask people who decline certain foods or beverages the reason why. As a way to show interest, etc. Again, none of their business.
Then there are digs phrased as polite questions. Take something like “Why would you vote for X, they’ll just destroy America you idiot.” but water it down several steps.
Every time I hear somebody congratulate a woman on her engagement or a bride I cringe inside.
I know they mean it in a good way, and I know I’m getting old and times are changing, but it still rubs me the wrong way.
The old-fashioned idea was that congratulating the groom implied that he was a lucky guy to have found such a wonderful girl, but congratulating the bride implied that she was lucky to have finally caught a man. Or something like that.
Technically the bride gets your best wishes (for a long and happy marriage) and the groom gets congratulations (on having the wisdom to land his particular bride).
In St. Louis the key question is “Where did you go to high school?” There are two ways to look at this question.
It’s a friendly way to establish common ground and start a conversation with someone you just met. (“You went to Parkway South? Cool, my best friend went to Parkway South! When did you graduate? Did you know so-and-so?”)
It’s a way to instantly judge someone’s entire life. Tell me where you went to high school and what year you graduated, and I’ll know what kind of neighborhood you grew up in, what your parents’ economic status was, possibly what religion you were raised. And heaven forbid you moved here after high school. You’re an outsider.
In their defense, a lot of bicyclists break the law and run stop signs/lights, so drivers who try to yield to bicyclists in all cases are arguably trying to save lives.
But, yeah. If you see me slowing for a stop sign, I’m going to stop. Go, already.
I find that whenever someone says “With all due respect…”, whatever follows is usually staggeringly disrepectful.
Also, something that Minnesota is infamous for, is the last doughnut/cookie/whatever in the snacks somebody brought in to work. Rather than just taking the last one, they’ll break it in half so somebody else can take the other half. Then somebody comes along and breaks that in half, leaving a quarter of a cookie for everybody to mock.
I like it if you nod when I’m speaking. Conversely, I’m glad to nod politely when you’re speaking. But when you nod while you are speaking to me, I can’t even find words for how unsettling that is.
Technically that is a load of sexist bullshit, particularly as the case may now as easily be two ‘brides’ or two ‘grooms.’
Surely the polite modern well-wisher bestows equally on both partners, or at least refrains from insinuations that their respective desirability and accomplishment is more to one side’s credit than the other.