From a recent thread you told the world that you live in Brick Township (not Bricktown, don’t get him started). Brick township has been named the second safest city in the country. I’m sure it has a lot to do with you. Now you need to go to Camden and start cleaning house.
Clearly, this is due to Hal Briston’s work as a secret superhero…
Camden is right across the bridge from Philadelphia, right? Oh, no. We went there to find a friend a bottle of Everclear (don’t ask why), went to the sketchiest-looking booze shop I’ve ever seen, and when we left it to get to the car, a cloud of scary people had materialized out in the parking lot and tried to sell us drugs. We think. The language was unclear. I’m glad there were seven of us.
We figured the toll on the bridge back was the, “Get me the hell out of Camden” tax.
What, did he move?
I forgot! Friend who wanted the Everclear thought we should make a big banner that said “Camden: The Happiest Place On Earth”, advertise it as the Disneyland of the north, and charge people to visit. And then charge them again to leave. All this without knowing it was the most dangerous city in America- it just gives off good vibes to visitors.
You’re sadly mistaken. Hal is in no way the incredible superhero Sir Blah, who patrols the streets of Brick Township in his Blahmobile fighting the evildoers of the town. He doesn’t have a secret lair beneath his home which he enters through a secret tunnel hidden by the barbecue. He doesn’t have dozen of outrageous gadgets used to fight crime in strange and exotic ways. He doesn’t have a secret superheroine wife who, using her hypnotic powers, foils criminals and makes everyone believe that they are in fact not superheroes.
Of course not. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to hand deliver some belgian chocolate to the Briston household.
Huh. I thought for sure we’d drop down this year, seeing as a teen girl was murdered this summer. Guess in a small town of 80,000 people that becomes “statistically insignificant”.
Oh, and shhhhhh, Kythereia! Thank you, tick. It’s should be prefectly obvious to all that I am not Sir Blah. I’m sure there’s a perfectly legitimate reason that he and I have never been photographed together. And hush up, harmless.
Camden is calling. Don’t you see the Blah signal?
If you feel like traveling, Hal, Newark’s just waiting for you.
Cripes, people, I can’t be everywhere at once! Ya know, it’s hard enough keeping one town free of cri…errrrrm…
I mean, I have no idea why you people are adressing me on this issue. I’m just a mild-mannered computer researcher.
Hey, I want to see you in your nifty, crime-fighting suit!
Kidding aside, you should be very proud of Brick Township.
I was proud to see that if they refigured the numbers correctly Atlanta would only be 4th dangerous instead of 3rd :dubious:
Silly, the lack of a suit is what sets him apart from the other superheroes (who secretly refer to him as In-the-Buffman behind his back).
Here’s a link to the top/bottom 25 metro areas for those who are interested.
:: sits back and waits for someone to break this down into the inevitable blue/red state analysis ::
Maybe you should spend less time fighting crime and more time researching football picks, eh? eh? eh?