Buy a bottle of prune juice. That will move heaven and earth.
If that fails sit on the toilet and read ghost stories.
For the Nuclear Option–Castor Oil.
You can still buy it in pharmacies, OTC.
Ask the Pharmacist for help in finding it.
Follow directions on the bottle, to the letter!
Do not use too much!!
.
Hmmmm coffee… now there’s an idea. If I ever fall asleep, I’ll try that when I wake up! As for why, I have no idea. This happens to me maybe once every few years. Not frequently enough for me to have noticed a “why” pattern, thankfully-yet-unhelpfully.
I know quite a few people who won’t give up their morning java just for that reason. Things are usually moved by lunchtime every day. Don’t know how much it does when things are already - uncooperative. Hope it helps! Glad to hear it’s not a “regular” thing. Badum-bum.
Specific sugar substitutes - mannitol and, I think, sorbitol. It’s in some candies and most gums.
In the future, have a serving a fruit or vegetable (non-starch) and a full glass of water (clear sugarless fluid) with every meal.
When you can get to a drugstore, I suggest a glycerin suppository. I has the advantages of working quickly and lubricating at the same time. It also won’t interfere with any other meds you have taken in an effort to provoke a bowel movement.
Just get rid of it the mathematicians way; work it out with a pencil.
Don’t tense your jaw and throat when you try to go. If you aren’t good at consciously relaxing, sing while you’re trying. Sphincter theory. Probably not the total solution, but a helpful part of it.
My kid used to have insane constipation (going once every 7-9 days), he just hated to go when he was in the 3-5 year old range, so he held it in. We used Miralax when we had to, worked like a charm pretty much every time. Results within 12-24 hours after a dose.
Oh, that water, I was thinking of something else (add smilie here). On topic, I agree with the suggestion of coffee, it has that effect on me.
Where’s Opal? Going on 5 hours without a post.
I have this bad feeling that all the home remedies have worked in sync with one another and she pooped with enough force to have escape velocity. And she is now in orbit around the globe.
Just in case, I went outside and waved to Opal as she passed over Missouri. (with my umbrella, of course)
I bet other suggestions have already worked, but just in case: I find adding fiber ‘upstream’ of the clog helps – shoves the too hard stuff ahead of it, as it were.
My usual pattern: eat an apple, drink a large glass of water, and go for a walk. Repeat every couple of hours. Two repetitions usually do me.
Sometimes I get constipated. Then I use one or several methods of relief. First, exercise. If I’m not supposed to be on bed rest (or even if I am), walking for half an hour sometimes gives relief. Second, hot tea. I usually drink two cups when I get up, and this helps, especially if I walk or use the exercise machine. If those don’t do it, I use a stool softener (Dulcolax) combined with Metamucil, which usually gets things moving, and gives the bowels something to move. Make sure to drink plenty of water with those two.
Then, of course, there’s always GoLitely, but I don’t know if that’s prescription only. That stuff WILL evacuate the bowels.
Lemon juice in a glass of hot water, first thing in the morning. (oh, you drink it, need I say).
Sorry guys, I was still trying to sleep. Still haven’t managed to fall asleep yet (since yesterday) and it’s almost 1pm. I think the constipation is a factor. It’s just so uncomfortable 
When I manage to fall asleep and then wake up I’ll try the coffee thing, and perhaps some of the other things mentioned. One thing that makes it more complicated is that I’m not at home, so I don’t have access to as much of my stuff, and not a nearly stocked kitchen, etc.
Wouldn’t work. I barf it up almost instantly. 
Benefiber. Two servings every day. Keeps me regular.
First insomnia, now constipation? I feel for you. If you’re not at home is it because you suffer from shy bowels or traveler’s constpation?
Anyway, drinking coffee and going to bookstores and some department stores always seems to work for me.
For my patients with acute constipation problems I try to determine if there’s an impaction low down in the rectal vault. If that’s the problem (a large amount of hard stool just by the exit), I recommend glycerine suppositories to help lube it out. If no luck there, I may resort to a soap suds enema. No results there, then it’s manual disimpaction with double glove technique.
If the problem is not strictly a jam-up right at the exit, then magnesium citrate or magnesium phosphate sodas may be of benefit. Or a big jug of go-lytely or its generic version. If the person doesn’t tolerate that, then I recommend either mineral oil (pour it in the top until it runs out the bottom) or polyethylene glycol (Miralax).
If the person recently quit cigarettes, I’ll recommend some nicotine gum. Some of the worst constipation I’ve ever seen is on folks who cold-turkeyed it off of nicotine.
This is for patients I’ve personally consulted on, and not meant to be directed at folks I haven’t examined.
This sounds like something you learn at a Shaolin monastery. Deep, deep in the mountains.