I have a really serious question for the teeming millions. I need a remedy for constipation. No kidding. Had it all my life. Parents made me drink Milk of Magnesia (talk about nasty!) and as an adult, just didn’t worry about it. But for the past few years, it’s been hell. Achy and bloated for days; clothes don’t fit right; if I don’t suck it in, I look 6 months pregnant. Doctor says high fiber. Using Metimucil - it helps some, but not enough. Tried prunes years ago and they didn’t help. Don’t want to use chemical laxatives. Anybody out there got a food/drink/herbal remedy? I’m desparate.
I’ve never had this problem, but my mom and husband do. Try this: (it helped for my husband, but not my mom) Eat a large bowl of the highest fiber cereal you can find every morning. Also, try to eat at least three servings of fruit a day. This didn’t help my mom, BTW. Nothing ever has.
Jess
Full of 'satiable curtiosity
Citrucel.Fairly natural:it’s methylcellulose.Inert.I think there’s a no flavor variety that you mix with any fruit juice.
I’d imagine more water would help.
Maybe go at it from the other end? Glycerine suppository or a plain tap water enema. (Of course - feel free to dump all over this suggestion).
Thans Jess & Sunbear; I may try the citrucel;
I already drink lotsa water. And yes Nickrz,
I would if I could because your suggestion sucks. Jeez, thought I’d get a zillion responses on this…the teeming millions have disappointed me.
Huh? You posted the question at 11:04 PM on June 4, and you got four responses by 6:05 AM on June 5, and you’re disappointed?? We may have no lives, but most of us do sleep.
My mother has this problem, and the glycerin suppositories work fairly well. Suppositories are more effective than stuff taken orally, in general.
Yeah, CK, you’re right…just shows you how desparate I am! I just figured that with the time zone differences, there would still be teeming millions out there trying to solve my problem while I slept. May have to try the other end after all. Thanks.
Enemas are also effective, you can buy over-the-counter little squeeze bottles that are easy to self-administer.
BTW, a warning – you shouldn’t necessarily seek medical advice here on the Message Boards. Persistent, chronic constipation is something you should discuss with your doctor.
Finally, someone stuck an answer of mine up their ass! 
CK, I didn’t consider that asking about a natural remedy for this common malady was seeking “medical advice,” but I promise not to sue Straight Dope or any of its members for their suggestions. (P.S. Doc was consulted and all that medical expertise resulted in something I already knew and didn’t work (high fiber). I have more faith in the teeming millions.
Couple bran muffins & two cups strong coffee.
So far no one has said anything dangerous.
If it just doesn’t come out, the doctor can take it out, it’s called ‘manual decompaction.’
Do what the constipated mathematician does when he’s lost his calculator: Get a pencil & work it out.
Talk about a pain in the- well, anyway, here’s what works for me:
- Water, water, and more water
- Fruits and/or vegetables every single day (yes, we should be eating them anyway)
- Minimizing intake of milk products (that’s what really does the trick for me)
- Exercise! Keep that system moving!
Even though you’ve promised not to sue and speak of visits to your doctor, I will mention that I received the above advice from my own M.D. decades ago and I now only need reading material in the bathroom when I don’t follow the above. However, your body may well be different and any lifestyle changes (for example, you may want to talk to your M.D. about calcium supplements if you give up milk) should be discussed with your own doctor.
Well, it looks like the Teeming Millions are recommending fiber too. BTW, you can get psyllium (active ingredient in Metamucil) in capsule form, and probably other types of fiber as well. Sounds easier on the taste buds to me.
Did you tell your doctor you had already tried fiber? He may just always throw that out first. OTOH, he may not have a clue either.
However, with your symptoms, it sounds like you have more going on than just a dietary problem. You may have a lactose intolerance or a food allergy. You can check for these by removing one food item at a time for a week or two to see if anything changes. And you may want to analyze if anything changed about the time your problem got worse.
Like you, I have had problems with Doctors on some of my health problems. They can help 90% of the time. But when you get to that 10%, if the problem is chronic, you’ll need to educate yourself to find the best solution for your problem. So, while I understand where CKDextHavn is coming from, I sympathize with your problem.
Mastery is not perfection but a journey, and the true master must be willing to try and fail and try again
Thanks all – especially Opus for that helpful suggestion…I laughed so hard I nearly crapped my pants. It eventually does come out, but I have to be extremely uncomfortable for a few days first, so it isn’t like it’s a medical crisis. With all the herbal remedies these days, thought someone out there might have discovered an amazing herb that does the trick.
Has someone already suggested a microscopic stick of TNT?
I’d have to go with a generous amount of liquids and fiber too. I’ve found that nuts and licorice also help.
Seriously, caffeine. Stimulates peristalsis.
Or, from King Of The Hill:
Dale: “You take a cup full of bacon grease…”
Hank: “I’m not drinking a cup of bacon grease.”
Dale: “You didn’t let me finish.”
All levity aside, see your doctor. Colon blockage can kill.
“If A=B, B=C, and C=D, do not get a job proofreading” --Quid’s Theorem
I wouldn’t say my colon is blocked - I go two - three days without a good bm; it’s just extremely uncomfortable until I do have a good one. Seems to run in the family (mother’s side); I remember my grandmother taking laxatives all the time; she died of colon cancer – that’s why I don’t want to depend on chemical laxatives. I do plan to see my doctor soon for annual check and will discuss with him. Thanks again all for the input (so to speak).
Sycorax
You have had many good suggestions here, but you have wisely adopted to seek the advice of your M.D. This is not a part of your body to treat lightly, no matter how many jokes we make.
There could well be an underlying reason for chronic constipation, and it isn’t a good idea to look for ‘common’ simple remedies. Make sure your doctor fully apprectiates the problem, for they can be just as dismissive. Don’t be embarrassed. It is an important part of your body. I would urge you not to look for simple solutions and to look carefully for root causes. You may have something quite serious and can manage it easily if you find the right advice.
Audrey Hepburn died of colon cancer, and it is a leading cause of death from cancer. Don’t joke this one off, folks.