I would like to take this opportunity to give mad props to the parents who understand how to get their children to act like civilized humans in public. They’re out there, they just don’t draw a lot of attention to themselves.
That is … odd.
I can’t wait to call my children “Loin Fruit”, to their faces. I don’t think I can say “crotch apples” and certainly not “fuck trophy”.
To the OP, I couldn’t agree more because I know you aren’t talking about my (formerly) little (never) angels. When my kids were little and did those things it was so cute nobody could resist. No need to thank me for allowing you to be part of my spawns universe for a few moments. That look of ecstasy on your face is enough. 
I try. People usually tell me Fang and Spike are very well behaved. But it takes constant vigilance. And the wisdom to not bring them to a place with a lot of breakables.
If I owned a store, I’d have a sign like this: “Children will be kept under control at all times. Period. If not, you will leave or be evicted. Period.”
The funny thing is that once people know you mean business, the cranks and idiots won’t cause trouble. They know you’ll smack them down (figuratively) in public and humiliate them.
FWIW, my kids are regularly complimented by strangers for being well behaved, and my wife and I didn’t do a damn thing to bring this about. We find our kids’ general mellowness and niceness to be pleasant, but eerie.
Meanwhile one of our best friends is, as far as we can tell, an excellent parent (we base this judgment on the fact that, as far as we can tell, she parents exactly the same way we do :D) and her kid is, well, a hellion.
My point is not to brag about my kids but rather to express my suspicion that kids’ behavior often has more to do with their own personalities than with anything the parents might have done.
-FrL-
It’s a holiday tradition, like Robot Santa, The Chanukah Zombie and KwanzzaBot, MacTech’s yearly I HATE CLUELESS PARENTS AND KIDS rant
it’s not a good tradition, admittedly, but it’s a tradition nonetheless…
Sometimes I am reminded of that old Biblical phrase “Spare the rod and spoil the child.” I am NOT saying that we should be beating kids to within an inch of their pwecious little lives, but I am saying that sometimes a swift swat on the butt will work wonders. I see people trying to reason with kids, even toddlers. This DOES NOT WORK. Kids, especially toddlers, can’t reason yet, and need orders, rather than choices, especially when the parent is asking the child “Are you ready to leave yet? We need to leave now to do (whatever).” Instead, Mom or Dad needs to say “Time to go! We have to (pick up somebody, get home and start dinner).” This informs the child that s/he can’t spend all day doing one thing, no matter how enjoyable, and teaches that all of us have to budget our time and honor our commitments.
Mind you, though I don’t like kids, I think that in most cases obnoxious kids are products of poor parenting. The boy in the condom ad (not the actor, but the kids the character is based on) has learned that he can get what he wants by yelling long and hard enough. This sort of yelling is acceptable ONLY if the adult has refused to take the child to the bathroom after several requests, or the child has some other urgent need. Kids don’t have very good bladder control, and have tiny bladders, and the parent or caregiver just needs to learn to deal with it by taking kids to the bathroom frequently.
I’m SO glad I have internet shopping options. I enjoy shopping in person, but from now until about January 2 I won’t set foot in a retail store, other than for food and other necessities.
::waves cane at any youngsters that might be around::
Eh, it gives us all a place to let off steam every Shopping Madness season. In that way, it’s good. The way it’s not good is that every year, we seem to be able to come up with new examples of Clueless Parents, and more of them. They’re taking over!
Yeah. Sometimes a passing stranger will compliment me on one of the younger Whatsits’ good behavior in public, and I smile and say thanks, but mentally I’m thinking, “You should talk to the people who witnessed the nuclear meltdown that MiniWhatsit threw in the grocery store last week.”
I’m sure the former people think I’m a great parent, and the latter think I’m a shit parent, and the fact is that I haven’t really done anything differently.
No excuse for people letting their kids run around in Employees Only areas of stores or whatnot, though.
A friend of mine and I were discussing this topic a few days ago. We both decided that if we weren’t so busy/lazy, we would take part-time retail positions just so we could tell people off for rude retail behavior and not care about losing our jobs.
Hmm, this thread is only a few hours old. Within a few hours we’ll have the parade of Doper parents who come in to tell us how they are always complimented on how well behaved their children are. Much like most people think they are good drivers, it seems that most parents think they have well behaved children.
ETA: Let it begin!
Actually, I compliment well-behaving kids simply to compliment them and hopefully reinforce that behavior. I know your kid can be a demon. Was one myself, but random strangers complimenting me on my behavior helped me grow up.
On the contrary, in this day and age where kids seem to have been granted liscence to run around and generally do whatever the hell they want without any consequences whatsoever, the well-behaved ones always stand out to me. We know a few kids who are tremendously well mannered and, notwithstanding my general disinterest in children, I always notice – and sometimes even enjoy – their presence. By contrast, the malevolent hellspawn that are my nieces and nephews… well, I look for excuses to miss out on family events just so I don’t have to be around their temper tantrums and screaming and smashing of stuff and other assorted bullshit.
Certainly, there is an element of nature in addition to nurture when it comes to a child’s behaviour, but in my experience, the parents who have done a good job have kids who know exactly where the line is and do not dare step over it.
Not me. My kids are generally whiny and annoying in stores. They’ve learned however NOT to take things off shelves or otherwise touch the merchandise - my wife and I come down on them like Chuck Norris if they pull that stuff.
They do, however, get perfect behavior marks in school. To the point where I’m going to ask their teachers at the conferences this week if they’ve confused my kids with somebody else, cause they sure don’t behave well anyplace I see them.
The corollary to this in restaurants is that Mom and Dad need to recognize they can’t hang around chatting forever, while their kids get increasingly bored and start flinging food and running around the place cawing loudly.
I understand that even good parenting hits its limits sometimes and the screaming, flailing brat won’t listen to reason. This is when you haul it away, even if this disrupts your schedule and ends your outing.
Yep, sometimes swatting the parents’ butts is what’s needed in these situations.
I used to get complimented on how well behaved my kids were. And I’m not ashamed to say it took work. One thing I could never get my son to do when he was about 4 or 5 was to stop running under the circular rack of hung up clothes. This annoyed me to no end, I can imagine how much it annoyed the workers at the department store.
And then I learned the Vulcan Neck Grip. Do it once and for the rest of the time we’re in the store, I will have the back of your neck in my clutches. It did not take long to break the boy out of that bad habit.
Oh-- another story, if you can stand it. Before I had my kids, I was a cashier at D’Agostino’s in Park Slope. Some of the most obnoxious little brats are the spawn of Yuppies. Once a woman and her 7 or 8 year old son came in and her son verbally abused her the whole time they were in the store. He called her ugly and stupid. He kicked her and told her she could go to hell. The whole time yelling at the top of his lungs. His mom keep repeating, “That’s not nice, Johnnie.” or “That’s not the way we talk, Johnnie.” “We don’t hit, Johnnie.” Then they got on my line. Just in time for Johnnie to call his mother a bitch.
“What did you just call your mother!?”
“Excuse me?!” Mom says all indignant-- to me.
I have to say that I was honestly shocked. Plus, I’m not very diplomatic. Ask anybody. I continued to ring up the groceries while talking to the girl ringing up stuff next to me. “Did you hear how that boy was talking to his mother?”
“My mom would beat my ass.”
“Seriously!”
I packed up indignant mom’s groceries, she took her bag and went straight to the manager’s box. Neither me or the other cashier heard a thing about it from management, though.
Well see, I’ve found parents don’t respond to butt slaps. Tasers. They do respond to tasers. Sometimes it’s the only thing that works.
Just to spite you 
I don’t know what the heck is the matter with my kids. Their teachers just cannot stop complimenting their behavior and collaborative spirit in class. She must be confusing them with some other kids, because they are terrible little monsters at home. They are amazing when I surprise them with something new, but after the novelty wears off, they revert to “let’s make dad mad”. A very short leash on very short trips keeps them in good behavior, but the trip stretches just one bit, they are worthy of visiting the OP’s store.
Either that, or they should be forced to work an 8-hour shift at the store, at minimum wage.
My two year old granddaughter is the cutest, most adorable child in the world, and I’ll kick anyone’s ass who says otherwise. Given that, she sometimes acts like, well, a two year old. Somewhere down the line I got the job of being the bad guy when she acts up. You know, the one that gives her the look and says, “Chloe. Stop . . . NOW.” She knows that when we’re at the store or wherever, she gets one warning when shes crying for a toy or refusing to come to me, or whatever. If the warning doesn’t work, I figure she’s just had enough, and I pick her up and we leave the store. We left a cart of groceries once; I’m sure the stockers loved us for that.
On the positive side, she’s almost always a little sweetie when we’re out, and I rarely even have to use what my wife calls the “command voice.” On the negative side, well, I hate being the bad guy, dammit. She’s got eyes you can swim in, and when her lower lip starts quivering, I just want to give her anything to make her happy again.