This was far from random. Quite pointed, actually.
Yes, socially inept. Because one need not lambast anyone to get their point across. A simple request that a level of decorum be maintained in an office space is far from confrontational if one has the social skills to have a polite conversation.
And no, I don’t get a hard on for confrontation. In fact, I tend to lean the other way, towards passive. But one thing that always gets me is people’s behavior in a professional situation, and I would not hesitate to request that things remain professional in my office.
:rolleyes: Right, because someone decides to use a single, solitary fucking term as someone in another country would, that makes me like this mythical “petrol” person you’re talking about. That’s about the dumbest fucking shit I’ve seen around here lately. That’s like saying since I like Chinese food once a month I have “yellow fever”.
I’m the life of the fucking party, honey.
No, actually. But the replies got whinier and whinier the further the day went along, and it just seems short of insane that anyone would sit through it, not saying a word, but constantly updating people online about her situation.
hey lez I don’t think the term “stranger” is accurate - this is some one who works w/in the same office space w/her. He may be relatively new, but it is much more than some random stranger on the street. the fact that it’s some one w/whom she can expect to continue to have interactions with makes it more of the case of social ineptness/cowardice (though I’d not personally choose those terms, “chump” was more of what I was thinking). What’s she gonna do the next time? Start a new thread? Re-new this one? and if it’s not the kid in the office, it may be some other issue w/the same guy- IME, rude bastids rarely are only rude on one issue.
though I’d not have landed on the OP w/both feet, I too was doing a mental :rolleyes: at her continued carping about the situation then rejecting every potential solution (my personal favorite, which would potentially have at least alleviated the ‘torment’ she was having from the kid, was to make some attempt at helping him find some quiet non destructive activity - markers, pens something hell a paperclip chain - her response was “not my responsability”. Which, of course, was accurate, but OTOH which do you value more? being able to peacefully get back to your work or continuing to ignore your work and carp about the kid distracting your internet postings, while insuring that the guy learns responsable parenting techniques? OBviously in her case it was the latter - requires much less effort, allows you to blow off work, yet blame some one else! win-win-win!)
Well, there’s a lot we don’t know about here. She mentioned she works in a lobbying firm. What’s her position? What’s Daddy’s position? What are the office dynamics? Although I admire your utopian approach to this, with your assumption that everyone will be level-headed, rational and open to constructive criticism, past experiences have shown me this is rarely the case. She my first post to this thread.
Well, when it’s a highly inflammatory term, virtually certain to be taken the wrong way by the intended (American) recipient, then yes, I do put you on that level.
Pardon my disbelief.
Insane? Really? What are you, new? People do that shit all the damned time here. Even moreso on live journals and such. And it appears as if she doesn’t have a whole lot to do anyway, seeings as she has an abundance of time to kindly keep us updated.
You think I’m bitchy? Hell, I’m entertained sweetheart. A girl’s gotta procrastinate somehow and I’ve got a lot of shit to put off via procrastination.
Thanks for the help, by the way.
Hugs and kisses,
Yer buddy.
And wring, the OP mentioned it’s a lobbying firm. I work in politics and thus have had the misfortune of dealing with quite a few lobbyists on a personal level. By and large they can be intimidating assholes of the highest order. I’m not saying that Daddy is like this, but hearing that is what led me to cut her a little slack. There’s a good chance she’s not in the position or is fairly intimidated by Daddy, which could be cause for a bit of her reluctance.
lez “daddy” doesn’t work in her company, he rents space there, so we can’t assume what his job is.
and she also rejected totally taking charge and finding something quiet undestructive for little precious to do, too, 'cause it was ‘daddy’s responsability’ yes, it was, but it was also her choosing instead to bitch about it all day, complaining on how it was distracting her from her work and all. So, she preferred to screw off work, bitch about the kid and his parent, vs. taking a minute or two to take care of the problem and maybe get some work done. passive agressive much? I can see gritting your teeth for a short while - hell in my office lots of people bring their kids, some are unruly, noisy etc, but they’re mostly just visiting and won’t be there all day. this child was there all day, and there she was, bitching about it all damn day.
you feel sympathetic to her, fine by me. I’m not so much.
Why didn’t you just correct the child? IME, at five a kid isn’t going to discontinue an amusing activity without some kind of feedback from an authority figure, aka an adult.
Yes, his father should have been responsible, but obviously he was not. This child’s behavior was absolutely out of control as you’ve described it. You bitch about this, and yet you and an entire room full of other adults couldn’t muster up the collective balls to tell a five year old kid to zip it and park it? I think that’s just as ridiculous, frankly. With any luck his father would have heard a rebuke, and had the decency to be ashamed.
Way to make a big nightmare out of nothing
That’s cool. I’m not trying to tell people they have to be sympathetic, if you’re not, fine. But you’re not calling her a “whiny fucking cunt” either, are you?
I’d like to put in a defense for the OP. I have been in this situation in spades. The offending father was someone who I knew very well, and was on excellent terms with, and worked very consistently with day in and day out.
I also knew, however, that the minute anyone ever reprimanded their precious darlings, or even SUGGESTED anything politely, whether it was a teacher, Sunday school teacher, crossing guard, whatever (and knowing these kids, believe me, they had it coming… parents were also the type to never say ‘no’; completely out of control), parents completely changed their attitude toward said person and the offender was essentially on their shit list.
On one such occasion with kid in the office, I immediately got out some paper and markers, and said to child “why don’t you sit down and do some coloring?”. Brat said “NO!” and just got up and ran around some more being destructive.
I know “fear of parents being offended” sounds like a lame excuse, but I must admit it was a very difficult situation knowing that I would have to continue to work closely with clueless dad, so I opted to grit my teeth and put up with it. I just think it’s tough. Clueless parents in this situation truly, TRULY see nothing wrong with kid’s behavior. This is a damn near sure-fire guarantee (IMHO) that even the politest suggestions listed here will be taken the wrong way. My clueless dad-co-worker always justified every bratty thing with “that’s just what two- (three-, four-, five-, six-) year olds do”. Translation: No correction yesterday.
Now, I don’t mean to get off on a rant here, but I see this all too fucking often and it just makes me sick that parents nowadays don’t have the balls to correct their kids.
See, this thread here proves my undergraduate thesis and saves me from what otherwise would have been several years of several hours per week of hard work: too many fucking lawyers.
Now WHERE is the evil grin smilie when you need one??? You are a man after my own heart.
I would SO be subtly (so I would NOT be caught), slipping interesting to a five year old, yet obvious “this is why you don’t bring ill-behaved children to the offie” type objects to the kid.
Nothing like a 500 dollar cleaning bill to convince daddy-o that perhaps allowing Jr free rein in the office (and in fact bringing him at all) is a BAD, BAD Idea.
I feel for you nyctea, while I’ve not had officemates or coworkers bring ill-behaved kids to work. The “upstairs neighbors” in one of our office buildings used to bring two or three kids to work on Fridays. They would tear up and down the hallway for HOURS.
So, we’re trying to finish up reports to deliver to our clients (on a deadline) and all we hear for the entire day is "THUMP thumpthumpthump, BAAAAAASSSSSSSH [as they hit the far wall, in Victory I guess??], THUMPPPPPPPPPPPP thumpthumpthump, CRASH [falling down?, throwing chairs down the stairs??]).
We must have complained to the office building management for three months before whoever it was finally stopped bringing them. But even then, they’d occasionally bring them on weekends. Luckily, we were usually doing field work then, and didn’t have to stay longer than to pack up our equipment and laptops.
Yes, somewhat. But we too were too uncomfortable to go upstairs and talk to some strange person about it. Possibly causing some very uncomfortable and hard feelings between us and some other company.
Though I do think that 8 hours is way too long for SOMEONE not to have said something, I agree with lezlers in that calling her names and such was a bit over the top for what her “sins” in ranting about it actually were.
A bit wimpy? Yes, what you were ranting at her about? The punishment didn’t fit the crime imho.
Ahhhh, with a new day comes silence. No banging on a typewriter, no stomping, no loud kid voice. I never realized how much I took the silence for granted.
OK, now to address some questions/comments… To those who called me a wuss, cowardly, and socially inept: well some other posters explained it perfectly:
It would have created an awkward, embarrassing situation, and I just didn’t feel like getting into it. I figured it is (hopefully) a one-time situation, and I don’t think it’s worth the potential hard feelings that might be created if I said something.
However, if it does happen again, I will get my office manager to say something. It’s her job, she manages the whole office.
Well let me explain the situation in more detail. This company just moved into our office a few weeks ago. They used to be in another office on the same floor, but we had this extra space, and it was cheaper, so they moved in with us. My boss knows the owner, and we sometimes consult with them. They are a lobbying firm; we are a legislative/regulatory research firm. I honestly don’t know what daddy’s position is, but he’s the one in the Big Office, so I assume he’s a higher-up.
Look, the point of this rant was that if you’re going to bring your kids to work, it is your responsibility as a parent to have them behave appropriately. It is not my responsibility to correct the child or to find him something to do.
Then you will most likely suffer the consequences of not acting. The next time when daddy brings his precious little child in and the office manager isn’t available, you’ll have a repeat performance of yesterday. While I prefer to stay away from outright confrontation, I also have a relatively low tolerance level for the type of disruptions you mentioned, triply so in a professional environment.
When a parent’s offspring is disrupting the whole fucking world, I don’t care who he is or what his position is, I say something as politely and calmly as is humanly possible, and hope that the point has been taken. If he or she decides to “shitlist” me or treat me different based upon that event, then so be it.
Your explanation of “stranger” doesnt’ change anything IMHO - a “Stranger” to my interpretation would **not ** include someone whom you’ve known for a month and will continue to be part of your day to day work world for the foreseeable future. You may not include him in your ‘best buds’ list, but he’s most definately not a stranger w/whom you’ll never have contact again.
and while I did not go along w/the level of GaWD’s post, I essentially agree w/his position.
I already addressed the “it’s not my responsability” line before, your comments here do not change my perception, only reinforces it.
Look, the point of my question was that as an ADULT it is your responsibility to behave in an ADULT manner, which sometimes includes doing things you might not particularily enjoy. If I saw some strange child pulling a dog’s tail, I’d tell him to knock it off, much the same as if I saw a man beating his wife. No one’s going to come arrest me if I don’t speak up, but that doesn’t mean it’s not the right thing to do. You and your coworkers sitting idly by while this child ran rampant in the same room as you was stupid, and about as un-adult as it gets. By not asking him to stop, you, along with his father, were giving him tacit approval to continue his behavior. Are you really surprised he kept it up in the face of a non-existant adult reaction?
Obviously, of course, the ideal solution would have been if the kid’s father hadn’t been a total asshole and controlled his own child. But when it became apparent that that wasn’t going to happen, you did yourself, your coworkers, and the boy a disservice by not stepping in, all bleatings regarding *responsibility * notwithstanding.
To answer this comment, I will repeat what I said before:
In life, you have to pick your battles. Is the risk of creating a strained/awkward relationship with this man work putting up with the annoyance for one day? In this case, I decided it wasn’t worth it. I weighed the pros and cons and balanced the risks and benefits and I decided to bite my tongue for the time being. I had a really strong feeling that my saying something would have resulted in an awkward resentful situation for everyone. I don’t hold this against the man/the company personally, but I cannot guarantee that he wouldn’t hold it against me personally if I said something.
