Conversational minutiae thT makes you want to punch your SO

[Quercus]

@Maiira

As for my boyfriend…he keeps asking me if I’m sure.

“So this shirt looks good on me?”
“Yup!”
“You sure?”
“Yes.”
“You’re SURE?”
“Yes.”
“Really?”
“YES.”

Then a few minutes later…

“You’re SURE this shirt looks good?”
“YES, FOR FUCK’S SAKE.”

Love the man to death, but christ…

@FairyChatMom

I’m not a violent person, but watching TV with my husband can move me to within inches of inflicting bodily harm. Whether we’re watching a comedy, a movie, sports, or even a commercial, if it features a man and a woman saying something or doing something, he’ll turn to me and ask “Is that what you think?” Or “Would you do that?” Or “Is that how you feel about me?”

I don’t know how to respond any more. It’s a show. It’s not my life. It’s not our life. Until I just this second saw it, I never even considered that situation. ShutUpShutUpSHUTUP!!! We’ve been married going on 28 years. He’s been doing this pretty much the entire time. I know sometimes he does it deliberately to yank my chain, but other times, he’s serious.

No, I never considered an affair with my boss. No, I wouldn’t poison your mother. No, I don’t think I’d hire a hitman to blow you up in your car… <headdesk>

I think both of these can be addressed by finally giving them the answer they want to hear.

“No, I was lying the last three times. I figured if you didn’t ask four times you didn’t really want to know. You should change.” [Best saved for when he’s running late, but you’re not]

“Oh my God, yes! I’ve been thinking for years about how to pretend to be your sister to seduce your boss, then murder you and blame it on the boss’s wife! Why do you ask, do you have some ideas that might help?”

I’m not saying this won’t lead to your spouse posting on a message board about your bad conversational habits, but it might slowly curb their habits…

[GargoyleWB]

@Ferret_Herder

:dubious: Saying “In my purse” when the purse is not in view is only slightly more informative than saying “on the planet Earth.” And since the husband is probably not doing a pop quiz to test the wife’s memory, just giving the detailed answer even in the absence of the more detailed question should be assumed.

A corollary to this.

“Can you get me my green shirt from downstairs?”
runs downstairs, grabs shirt, comes back up
“Not that one, the other green shirt. The blouse.”
*runs back downstairs, sees nothing else in the laundry stacks that meets the set intersection of ‘green’ and ‘shirt’
yells “I don’t see it down here!”
“It’s right there, I just saw it this morning!”
“Nope, nothing here!”
SO now runs downstairs
“Here it is! Right here!” grabs the white shirt with little teal paislies that would never ever be considered to be a green shirt

[picunurse]

@The_Devil_s_Grandmother

<snip>
My current SO drives me insane by not looking for things before he asks me where the thing is. I tell myself at least he doesn’t do it while looking directly at the item like my friend’s husband does.

My husband did this until I started using the same answer every time. “It’s behind the milk.”

[JohnT]

Oh my God, my wife is full of these. Where do I even begin?

Get into an argument.

Her: “I don’t believe a word you say!”
Me: …
Her: “Why aren’t you speaking!?”

:rolleyes:

Then there’s the “You’re not saying what I want to hear properly” act where she will specifically state what she wants me (or, more likely, Sophia) to say, with us repeating it to her. The ONE time she did this with me, I humored her, then closed it off with

“If you ever talk to me like that again, you may find out what it’s like to survive on a part-time salary plus alimony, capice?”

[Icarus]

@The_Devil_s_Grandmother

My current SO drives me insane by not looking for things before he asks me where the thing is. I tell myself at least he doesn’t do it while looking directly at the item like my friend’s husband does.

Mine is even more sinister than that. If she can not find something (something that is right in front of her, if it were a snake etc.) her first reaction is, “What did you do with <item>?” in an accusatory manner.

I have charted the flow of thinking:

1. I need item
2. I do not have item
3. HE TOOK ITEM!

Whereas a sane person might be more like:

1. I need item
2. I do not have item
3. I will look for item
4. I can not find item
5. I will ask for help locating item

[Hypno-Toad]

I used to make my mom mad by being deliberately obtuse in these situations.

“Have you seen my shoes?”

“Yes.”

“Where are they?”

“I don’t know.”

“But you said you’ve seen them!”

“I have. Lots of times.”

[Rebo]

@picunurse

My husband did this until I started using the same answer every time. “It’s behind the milk.”

My husband has numerous pairs of cheapo reading glasses. He invariably asks me where they are. I say, “I broke them and threw them in the trash.”

[saje]

I hate to hear my husband say (in his most innocent voice) “Hey, do me a favor?”. I immediately want to run away and hide, because it usually means that I have to drop everything I’d planned for the day and go do something that he should have dealt with weeks ago, but procrastinated and now the shit will hit the fan if it isn’t done RIGHT NOW. This phrase now gets the look of death that says he owes me big time, and I don’t want to hear a single whine, complaint, or suggestion out of him for a week. He’s learning

The other phrase that makes me twitch is “We need to…” because it generally means that I will be doing whatever it is. Sometimes it’s something I’d planned to do anyway, but for a while there it was giant projects. The best(?) was him ordering a shed that came in boxes to be put together on site, shipped by giant semi and so undeliverable at our house. The stack of boxes was supposed to be too big to fit in the pickup and require a flatbed trailer, which we didn’t own, so I had to go rent one. I got less than a day’s notice about this one:dubious: I will say that between the shitstorm that followed that episode, and my now saying up front that his current project/purchase is HIS to deal with, I’ve not been blindsided in quite a while. He’s learned that I’m happy to help if he needs so long as it isn’t dropped in my lap!