I don’t come across an awful lot of senior citizens besides my Grandmother who can talk the hind legs off a donkey from a mile away - with a busy motorway in between. However, when I do I thoroughly enjoy the experience because they all seem to have lived such interesting lives. This notwithstanding, it struck me yesterday that there comes a point at which men - maybe women as well although that seems somehow less probable – are less inclined to talk.
I don’t just mean in quantity but also in the length of their sentences. If I were to jot down a day’s conversation of a man aged 40 and again aged 70, would the sentence length and construction decline on an approximate line ?
If that were the case, a curious idea that came to mind (that I initially dismissed as silly but which won’t completely go away) is that men talk for fundamentally different reasons than do women. Given that sex is a greater preoccupation for men, I wondered if, once the libido begins the journey west, is there less reason to talk ? That idea sounds nuts on first mulling but it has a disconcerting tendency to linger –in my mind, at least.
Of course, it might just be that men decline intellectually over a longer period or I bore them or they’re naturally more curmudgeonly. Anyone shed any light on if and why old geezers dry up and whether there might be some correlation between a declining libido and social intercourse ?
I dunno L_C, I think maybe it’s just you. I always find elderly men to be extremely talkative, sometimes a bit too much so even, although usually (as you noted) with many very interesting stories to tell. If anything I’d say chattiness tends to increase with age. But that’s just my experience …
Well, it’s funny you should mention my perspective ruadh. I’m beginning to wonder if I might be noticing the onset of a premature mid life crisis. I keep looking at old men – in a sociological way, of course.
It might also be true to say that even old men like to chat after a dram or two and what with you being in Ireland…Nah, it’s probably just me.
While I sit here on the computer procrastinating about calling an older friend of mine because I know that once I get her on the phone it will take at least two hours to get her off, one thought did occur to me.
I have several older male relatives who seem somewhat taciturn. What they have in common is that they have lost much of their hearing. My father in particular is an entirely different man depending on whether he is wearing his hearing aids. Hearing aids in, he is extremely articulate man, given to intense political debates and long lectures on a wide variety of topics. Hearings aids out (if they’re bothering him, or because they’re difficult to use with the telephone), he is considerably quieter, because it’s too difficult for him to follow the conversation or know when others are responding. I wonder if some of the older men with whom you’re trying to converse are experiencing hearing difficulties themselves, and therefore are less capable of being fully engaged in conversations. This applies especially in bars and restaurants, where ambient noise can make it almost impossible for the hard-of-hearing to understand what is being said.
I’m not sure if more men than women lose hearing as they get older (my image of people with hearing aids is almost always of men rather than women, but that could just be my perception), but it seems to me that hearing loss could definitely explain why some older men become less talkative.
My grandfather is one of those older men who are, to put it nicely, extremely talkative. Although he’s a wonderful man, people dread car rides with him, because he’ll talk on and on and on, and then act offended when someone else manages to talk for a while. My dad says he never used to say a word, and when he did he talked about the plant where he worked. I suppose getting older opened up the floodgates.
In his case, I think losing his hearing made him more talkative. He’s also lost his central vision, so now he’ll walk up to me and just begin talking,without any regard to whether I’m already talking to someone or not. I don’t know whether he doesn’t notice or he doesn’t care.
Here I always thought that I was weird in obsessing over something like this and now I see that you, LC, are a weirdo too! I find human comparisons fascinating.
As you know, I am in a career where I have the opportunity to sit and talk with many people one on one or via telephone conversations (approximately 100 in person and 300+ telephone, per week). The majority of these people are men who range in age of 18 to 101 (my oldest client). The small percent of women I see fit mostly into the higher age bracket although I see in trend in new female clients who are young.
Over the years, I have come up with the following conclusions:
Older men who have been widowed or divorced for many years, never married, or who don’t have close friends or family members, tend to talk a lot more than any other category of people. I had to develop a skill to cut them off without hurting their feelings, otherwise I would never be able to see the rest of my clients. These men are extremely lonely without people in their lives to talk to. It’s sad. Invariably, my counseling sessions with older, single men run almost twice as long as any other.
You’re still a youngster, LC, but let me reassure you that although these elderly men may not be able to get it up without a healthy dose of Viagra and a couple of popsicle sticks tied strategically to each side of their penis, they think about sex just as much, if not more, than they did when they were young. Oh, the stories I could tell you.
The extreme opposite of lonely, elderly men, are men who are older and married. They are much more quiet than the single elderly men. A lot of older men who have been married for a number of years don’t seem to see themselves as individuals but instead one person made from two. They don’t need a lot of outside interaction because they have each other. Men, especially those who have always taken charge of things, tend to get more insecure the older they get because their brain isn’t as sharp as it once was and because they may not hear as well. They depend on their spouse to take care of a lot things out of fear than they may not look as controlled as they once were. A very high percentage of the women I talk to at work are the wives of men who are starting to lose confidence in themselves and rather than appear confused or stupid, they now let their wives do most of the talking.
Regardless of age, it takes a little bit of coaxing to get homeless men out of their shells, but once they feel comfortable and understand that I am not there to pass any judgment, they open up and start talking (and talking, and talking, and talking). As with older single men, my guess is that they are very lonely and want to take advantage of the opportunity when there is someone there to listen. On the streets, these people are invisible.
Men in their 30-50’s are harder to figure out. I am not sure why, but I do get the impression that at least some of these men try to pull off the image of strong, silent type. They tend to communicate more with body language and eye contact. Single men tend to do more with body language and give “the look” while married men seem to have a more content image and don’t have the need to say more than needs to be said. However, the unhappily married men talk a lot. It is almost as if they have this manic need to let you know that they are open for excitement or maybe they talk a lot to appear happy or to hide feelings.
I haven’t really noticed a trend with women in regards to aging and talking, with the exception of teenage girls (THAT goes without saying). What I have noticed, is that women are more inclined to talk if they have confidence or to pick up the slack when her husband begins to age. No matter the age, if a woman feels like her words mean something, she will talk. If she is the victim of a controlling relationship or if she doesn’t have a lot of confidence, she won’t.
I think all in all, age really doesn’t matter as much as how the confidence level decreases over the years and the fear of how we may portray ourselves to others. Also, I think that loneliness and the need for human interaction plays a major roll in how much we say when given the opportunity.
I find human comparisons fascinating.