Cops, ER docs, etc, How would you deal with a zombie?

Let’s assume that Romero type rules apply. Let’s start with law enforcement. 911 recieves a call about “some crazy person” attacking someone and biting him. You arrive on scene. You see a dishelved male who appears deranged. He’s unarmed, won’t respond to any commands, and trys to attack you. Do go straight your firearm (non-headshots have no effect, but might knock him down)? Do you try pepper spray, tasers, etc (none of which will work)? How do you subdue him? How do keep him from bitting officers or the EMTs?
Now for the medical side. Assume he’s been restrained. EMTs aren’t able to detect any vital signs, but he’s conscious and agitated. Body temp is below normal. What do they think (since he’s moving around and violent he clearly isn’t dead;)? What about once he arrived in the ER? What do you do about his bite victims? At what point do you realize you’re dealing with a corpse that’s some been reanimated?

You wouldn’t know head shots have no effect until you shoot him everywhere. That’s how I would start. Does he gaping wounds with internal organs visible through the holes, yet isn’t bleeding? That would be a clue to START with a head shot.

bump. This thread deserves more replies than it has gotten and I’m fascinated by the topic.

IANA cop, doctor, EMS etc…But I’d imagine they go for the taser first. If that had no effect, then I should think that firearms would be employed. I have NO idea what a doctor would think!

I’m thinking about becoming a nurse and my aunt is one so I was asking her a few questions, and I asked her this one. Well, not exactly this one but I talked about a downside being a nurse is that once the initially infected start to reanimate it is usually the medical professionals that are second bit.

She told me I was special.

  • Paging QtM *

He’ll know what to do!

Would the Zombie’s arms tear off if they were handcuffed behind their back.

I think the early diagnosis would be angel dust…

Just think what would happen when they put the Zombie in the “holding tank” at the county jail. All the drunks and other do-no-gooders would become zombies.

If he’s a pulseless nonbreather, I don’t care how active he is; I’m pronouncing him dead, and turning his body over to the Medical Examiner, and let that office deal with it.

Victims get standard human bite precautions/treatments.

The Hippocratic oath did not cover Zombies. My writ does not run there.

I think police departments and hospitals would be the first to fall in a zombie outbreak, they would have no chance at all. How many cops would get bitten trying to subdue a zombie before a gun was even drawn? now think how likely police officers would be to shoot those fellow officers when they themselves turn. Those cops would end up in hospitals, a few hours later hundreds of zombies would be pouring out of the hospital leading to a city wide outbreak probably too big for the already in disarray police force to handle.

Soooo, that suggests you can’t be charged with morder for killing zombies… if indeed they CAN be killed, as they’re arguably already dead.

I’m thinking the perfect anti-zombie weapon is a modified wood chipper mounted in front of a car. Give it a bigger scoop, some swiveling wheels so it doesn’t interfere with maneuvering, and extend the exhaust chute behind the rear bumper so you don’t have to clean zombie chips of the rear window and trunk.

Would a taser really be useless against a zombie? Sure it’s dead, but the signals to move muscles still travel through nerves and a taser is designed to override and scramble those signals.

Taser victims don’t fall down and twitch because it hurts, they fall down because they have no control to do anything else.

In Max Brook’s seminal work The Zombie Survival Guide tasers, poison, mace etc have no effect on zombies whatsoever because their central nervous system, (along with circulatory system) has been completely shut down and overridden by the reanimation virus (which completely reorganises the way the brain works, hence why shots to anywhere but the head are nonlethal). Simply put; they can’t feel pain, because the nerves (like the rest of them) are dead.

Oh, come on people. One shot from those guns that spread a weighted net, trapping the zombie, should do it. Hold him down, roll him on a guerney, tie him down with those velcro safety straps, and Bob’s your uncle.

Then dispose him like you would any agressive, man-sized meat roll.

My friends, America cannot risk this reckless, pro-zombie agenda. If I am elected, I will pass a bill that puts a shotgun in every home in case of a zombie outbreak.

This post paid for by the Captain Carrot 20?? campaign. Void where prohibited. No purchase required. Hi, Mom!

My response: Burst into song and dance.

Why, you ask? Here’s my reasoning. If I’m actually in a zombie movie, I have little to no chance of survival. Especially if someone else is one of the protagonists (ever notice how no more than half the main group of characters ever seems to survive? I think the general standard is that only 2, max 3 people get out of town alive.)

If I’m in some sort of parody of a zombie movie, everyone else might just break out in song and dance also and we have a much better chance of survival in a parody (although those who don’t survive will bleed significantly more than in reality.)

If I’m in reality, and this is the first stages of the zombie apocalypse, then none of the people around who saw me burst into song and dance are likely to survive to embarrass me later anyway.

Once I am god-king, the oath will be changed to cover Zombies, and said change will be both retroactive and legally binding.


Four words, my friend: Shaun of the Dead. Clearly a parody, but even the ridiculously hot chick dies. The only rational choice is to find whoever raised the zombies and either give him what he wants or kill him (assuming you have any reason to think the latter would be effective).

I must respectfully disagree with this assessment. The safest course of action in any sort of comedic zombie movie is to ascertain who the hero is and then develop unresolved romantic tension with him. Only so long as he wants in your pants and can’t achieve this is your survival more likely, as the majority of horror follows the Adam and Eve principle.*

(This may be difficult for anyone who isn’t a nubile female. In that case, find a nubile female to argue with to disguise your mutual desire. You may become an unlikely hero.)

  • I’m still working on the formula for surviving a gay comedic zombie movie.

Which one? Shaun’s girlfriend survives and Dylan Moran’s girlfriend just…disappears (it’s revealed in the DVD that she climbed a tree and sustained on her dismembered boyfriend).

I wouldn’t use SotD as an academic study of zombies though; Quislinging works on them outside the pub; in ‘reality’ it would lead to a gruesome death.

I consider that the DVD revelation is cheating and refuse to consider it.

Seems a mite silly to talk about reality & zombie movies in the same sentence, as any world with zombies in it is by definition unreal. As for what you write in your second spoiler box

do you mean Shaun’s taming his zombified best friend and other such resolutions? Why is the idea of the zombies losing their murderous urges seem any more unrealistic than the very concept of zombies?

I will bear this in mind when I unleash my undead armies upon all youse guys and will everything necessary to make sure you’re all in gay romantic zombie comedies. 'Cept QtM, of course. He has knowledge about Lord of the Rings I covet, so he’ll probably be allowed to live relatively uneaten.

Hence why ‘reality’ is in inverted commas…

And yes, it is cheating, but we didn’t see her get mangled and killed, so you can’t say she was definitely killed…if there ain’t no (reanimated) body, there ain’t nobody dead.

I can forgive the ‘taming’ of Ed’s zombie as a computer game playing corpse as an ‘ahhh’ moment. Notice how he’s still shackled in the shed though!