Big companies do have “cultures”. Working at WalMart corporate is very different from working at Goldman Sachs or Google. But what gets annoying is when these companies try to manufacture a “culture”. Then it just feels cultlike.
I can buy into that. Note the business-speak, heh. But often that culture-speak breaks down into rote jargon that the company doesn’t really stand by.
Right. Organizational “culture” aka The Way We do Things Here grows organically, from an accumulation of precedent set forth by the founders and successive managements, combined with adaptation to how the staff and customers react to those decisions. You don’t create it out of nowhere. And a new policy is not a new culture.
Good evening Ladies and Germs …
Today, the Jack White piece called “Corporation” came up on my feed and I thought that is this thread. “Is everybody with me?”
I think you are confusing the buzzword “Cloud” with the literal definition of cloud computing. Or maybe you just like correcting people you think are wrong on the Internet? I would not be annoyed with an executive or manager asking about cloud computing or even just using the buzzword correctly.
I can use cites too:
But even your cite doesn’t say the cloud is the internet exactly - sure , it starts out that way but it gets more specific:
Simply put, the cloud is the Internet —more specifically, it’s all of the things you can access remotely over the Internet. When something is in the cloud , it means it’s stored on Internet servers instead of your computer’s hard drive.
Doesn’t seem like “cloud” and “internet” are synonyms- after all, you wouldn’t refer to a wireless cloud connection, would you?
Ugh, just got an email referencing one mentioned above. Solution as a generic noun. Not an answer to solve a problem, just a synonym for “thing” or “system”. I was helpfully reminded that as of January 2nd, we have “migrated” (what are we, wildebeest?) to a new “Timekeeping Solution”. Fuck you, it’s just the website where I enter my hours, and it’s the same one as before. All you did was change the backend database, which means fuck-all to me.
Hey, if you are not part of the solution, as they say, you are part of the precipitate.
IOW, you’re either the sludge or the useless runny part. Either way, your VP only thinks of you as an obstacle to his aggrandizement.
last place I worked, I felt a bit like a colloid
Not just any verbs. ACTION verbs.
My job heavily involves online learning, and I’m the site admin for our online courses. The platform we use released a core update in September and I watched their video to see what the new features were. Towards the beginning of said video, they referred to the pandemic as “this special time.” My brain shut down in self-defense at that point.
Ain’t that speshul! Idjits!
Then again, anyone in the profit circle of online learning or online connectivity has got to be just overjoyed at the boom in business. The worker bees struggling to keep up with said growth? Probably not so much.
I always understood ‘onboarding’ to refer to all the things that need to be done to get a new employee started. That is, setting up accounts in computer systems, acquiring equipment, filling out W4s, etc. “Bringing in a new person” is a discrete action. “Onboarding” is the process required once somebody has been brought in. I don’t know another precise term to refer to that process.
I am reminded of the time a high ranking VP was helping me prepare a presentation to an even higher ranking VP on why a particular project should be continued.
At one point he started coaching me on what to emphasize and what to stay away from during the meeting and I stopped him and told him: “I know. I’ve played this game before, but I’ve always been the ball.”
You are correct. At least that’s how I’ve always heard it used. Once the job offer has been accepted you begin the onboarding process and eventually end up with an employee.
“You WILL be Assimilated” comes close. 
Another accurate term at my Fortune 100 employer is “Signing all the papers to waive all of the few rights Congress gave you as a worker.” 
Bravo! Well said! But friggin horrific at the same time.
I was guilty of using corporate speak today.
I asked our Group Leader, “Should we task someone with coming up with a revised spreadsheet?”
Felt like a hypocrite afterwards. 
It survives far into the future.