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- For a long time I worked at a convenience store, night shift. I had about three hours of stuff to do and six or seven hours to do it in. I read all the magazines. I found “American Woman” to have far less pages, and yet still more ridiculous than any other. It didn’t have so many high-quality ads, so you got more of the horsestuff-per-page, pricewise. From a “50 Great Ways to Meet Men” list, my favorite: “-Have your house remodled to meet cute construction workers”.
The other male employees and I used to discuss the teen-girl magazines, because we could only find three or four types of articles in them:
1 - “starting your period”,
2 - “why you shouldn’t sleep with boys” (including “I got a disease!” letters),
3 - "how to tell if a boy is “Mr Right”,
4 - and every other issue is a -special- “cute guys” issue.
It sounds like hell for journalists or something. - MC
- For a long time I worked at a convenience store, night shift. I had about three hours of stuff to do and six or seven hours to do it in. I read all the magazines. I found “American Woman” to have far less pages, and yet still more ridiculous than any other. It didn’t have so many high-quality ads, so you got more of the horsestuff-per-page, pricewise. From a “50 Great Ways to Meet Men” list, my favorite: “-Have your house remodled to meet cute construction workers”.
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>> She has a chapter on the importance of being able to give a good blowjob. With advice
It seems to me not enough women are reading this stuff then
Hey gang, if you want a SERIOUS reason why women read this dreck (not only cosmo, but all the others too), whether they take it seriously or not, read Naomi Wolf’s The Beauty Myth. This book seriously changed the way I look at myself and the world around me!
Basically, she puts forth the theory that in the 1950s women had no culture of their own. Their husbands had lots of other “outside the home” interests, including work and related activities, but the women were in the home most of the day and had no way to connect. Thus, women’s magazines were born. Since then, there is still no REAL, WOMEN-ONLY culture to connect us and share our experiences, knowledge, etc. This at least partially explains our “need” for these crappy magazines even when we should know better …
Boy, I sure hope so!!!
Years ago, I lived with three women (as roomies, this is not a Studly Doright brag story). I worked nights, and one night I was sick with the flu and stayed in my room, I mean, DOG sick, couldn’t move. The girls had gone out and gathered some friends and a big jug of wine and had a conciousness-messing session, of course not realizing that I was within ear shot. And then started to talk about, well, you know, stuff. I got an education that night, my brothers, like you would not believe!!!
And they talk about men talking dirty in the locker room? Say things like “Ewwww, that’s gross, I’d never…” Demure, easily shocked delicate flowers? “Oh, I’ve never done anything like that before…” HAH!!
Details, my brothers, clinical, exact comparisons, heights, width, depth, ratio of tongue action, things about some of my best friends that I did NOT want to know. (Oh, he won’t do that? Well, theres one I can have.) I was shocked, my brothers, SHOCKED!
When it comes to depravity, my brothers, we are amateurs. Don’t let 'em kid you!
And the next time I saw my good buddy Bob, he kept asking what the hell I was snickering about. I didn’t have the heart to tell him his sweetie has nailed everybody he knows, and he rates about a 3.
For a Maxim style parody, check out this week’s Onion AV Club:
It’s not big, a faux cover, and 3 features, but its pretty good. I think the Onion is probably the funniest thing around right now.
bradysg
I’m a mail carrier, so I have access to all of them. Even the ones that are sealed in plastic have usually worked their way open by the time I get them. I get a kick out of Cosmo, and it’s male counterpart, Maxim. (I have lots of time to read, cause if I were to just go out and deliver the stuff in an efficient manner it could screw up our entire image) I read an article in Cosmo on how to give a great blow job. Now, I had never had any complaints, mind you, but they mentioned a few things I hadn’t tried. The guy I was seeing (and still do sometimes) told me that I should write a book on giving blow jobs. I told him Cosmo had it covered. (Unfortunately this conversation took place DURING the actual blowjob, and it didn’t get finished cause we couldn’t quit laughing) Since then, he has made a point to keep his mouth shut, but there are still occasions when laughter takes over. I have not yet been there with anyone else since, but my worst nightmare is… new guy - half way through - hysterical laughter on my part - no clue on his part.
Eve, that one reduced me to helpless laughter. You are absolutely right.
Cosmo is hilariously bad, but even the humor wears off partway through the mag. At first it’s like a nifty National Lampoon parody but the coyness gets to be too thick.
Sad to say, lots of women have to read it and like it enough to subscribe, or it wouldn’t stay in business. That’s the scary part. It presents such a sickly, perverse view of women. But droves of women must be buying into the image, at least enough to plonk down money for the mag. Not all of them can be buying it as a source of cheap laughs!
Truly depressing.
Veb
I know! Would you please quit spilling your lunch in my This Old House magaziine?!?! 
If you think Cosmo is scary, you should pick up one of thos other women’s magazines sometimes…the ones with hints for “cooking” and “cleaning!” Who actually does that stuff??! What a hoot!
So why is it then all you females that, having read such bilge in Cosmo and finding it amusing but not serious, many of you find the similar rubbish magazines such as GQ and FHM, which are merely a male versions of Cosmo, so offensive?
The feminist groups over here talk of exploitation but the contents of these are fairly mild compared to even teen girls mags.
I would not waste my hard earned on them but some simple types obviously do.
I don’t know what the hell FHM is but I can say without a doubt that the only thing offensive about GQ is that it continues to encourage men to wear brown shoes with black pants. I DON’T CARE IF THEY MATCH YOUR BELT! THAT IS FREAKING STUPID LOOKING!!!
Excellent question, casdave. I’m a kickass feminist but have never understood some of the more bizarre doctinaire stances, either. Maybe it’s easier to try guilt tactics on men than tackling some of the noxious, entrenched conditioning in women themselves.
FWIW, things are so much better in women’s magazines than they used to be. Time was, fashion and homemaking were the options out there. At least Ms etc. paved the way for more substance aimed at women. And some of the blatant, repellent treatment of women in men’s magazines has toned down, too.
That was a feeble non-answer, wasn’t it?
Sorry.
Veb
‘So why is it then all you females that, having read such bilge in Cosmo and
finding it amusing but not serious, many of you find the similar rubbish
magazines such as GQ and FHM’
Not to mention the Staright Dope board…
I like the covers of Cosmo though, nice to look at even if the women are computer retouched.
Voguevixen … so sorry about the drippings in your magazine. I can’t believe the rudeness of some of my fellow mail carriers…they should at least have the decency to tear out that page. I realize that’s not practical in cases where you spill an entire cup of coffee, but the trucks come with defrosters that can clear up the problem in a few short days. (Yeah, sometimes that curls the pages, but it’s nothing a boxed lawn mower from Fingerhut won’t cure) I do wish they’d learn some manners … they are giving us all a bad name.
My mothers boss brought in a stack of old magazines from home for the “girls” at work- he and his wife were cleaning and she thought they might like them. One of them was a Cosmo WITH a sex survery FILLED OUT. In a very, very bad way. They laughed for years about his “shortcomings” and if he ever knew, he probobly would have just quit coming to work. Can you imagine???
Also, my sister and I were perusing a Maxim magazine in the bookstore and came across this gem:
“How to drive your woman crazy in bed”
…[ridiculous sex position crap here]…“If you do this right, she’ll feel every inch you’re driving home. Pound away!”
We laughed our asses off- they shoulda asked a woman, I guess.
Zette
ROFLMAO! Seriously, one place we lived we used to drive by the gas station and see the mail guy reading magazines on his lunch hour, then where I live now I opened my magazine to find little pieces of mexcian fried rice in it! LOL!
and Handy…I’m sorry…but will you please bother to read the rest of the thread before you post? You’ve done this NUMEROUS times!!!
Once when Marcie was ill, I bought several magazines for her, one of which was Cosmo. She read the others but dismissed Cosmo by saying she wouldn’t read it if she was being paid to do so. Having never read one before, I read the issue I had bought for her. I was completely baffled by the thing and for quite a while thought that I simply didn’t get it. Now, after reading this thread, I know that I did get it, after all.
I only buy Cosmo every couple of years. The cover will suck me in, and I’ll think “How bad can it be?”. Then I read it, and realize just how bad it CAN be…
It is such a stupid magazine. It seems to be directed towards big city, female, high income executives who are constantly horny. How big of a market can that be???
I read Cosmo when I was 11. Poor, misinformed me-- I thought this was how cosmopolitan women lived their life and I wanted nothing to do with it!
When I turned about 14 or so the mag started to irritate me. Not so much the subject matter but all those italics and bolds and exclamation pionts!!!
BTW I love FTM. I guess I’m just such a guy at heart.
I used to read mags such as teen, 17, and all those wannabe-woman mags (in the sense that these are for girls who want to be women) to see what they were thinking. And yes, I did actually read them for the articles; I found the fashion pages (advertising) disgusting.
Now I know y’all think those are all a big joke, I think I’ll stop.