I grew up without means and wanted to pursue a career without a degree. It was hammered into my head that “you’re too smart not to get a four year degree!” The debt I incurred to get the degree (with NO financial support from either parent) has harmed me far more than the degree has ever helped me.
My mom was closer to the pullin end of the parenting spectrum, but had no degree herself, and gave me nothing in the way of financial education. Whatever ends up happening for this kid I aplaud your willingness to help.
And in some countries, trades used to be learned via apprenticeships but now you need vocational HS. Can’t get ‘prenticed any more. I’ve had older coworkers who wouldn’t have been able to learn their jobs if they’d been in their sons’ generations (such as that one who was supposedly literate but who would grab a form upside-down and not notice).
I’m afraid I don’t have any information to contribute, just best wishes, another wave to the cheer, and my convinction that with your help this boy will figure out what the best path forward is for him.
If you are able to prove special circumstances, you can get $$$. I did it years ago. I had a social worker help me. I had been earning my own living (and other peoples) since I was a child. I had been living on my own, supporting myself completely, since I was a junior in high school. I had rent receipts, my tax returns, receipts for paying my own doctor bills, pay stubs, my own bank account, etc.
This is from the government web site:
Are you unable to provide parent information due to special circumstances?
In situations such as the ones below, you may be able to submit your FAFSA without parent information despite being considered a dependent student:
Your parents are incarcerated.
You have left home due to an abusive family environment.
You do not know where your parents are and are unable to contact them (and you have not been adopted).
You are older than 21 but not yet 24, are unaccompanied, and are either homeless or self-supporting and at risk of being homeless.
FAFSA on the Web will ask you whether you are able to provide information about your parents. If you are not, you will have the option to indicate that you have special circumstances that make you unable to get your parents’ information. FAFSA on the Web then allows you to submit your application without entering data about your parents.
However, it is important for you to understand the following:
Although your FAFSA will be submitted, it will not be fully processed. You will not receive an Expected Family Contribution and must immediately contact the financial aid office at the college or career school you plan to attend.
The financial aid staff may ask for additional information to determine whether you can be considered independent and have an EFC calculated without parent data. Gather as much written evidence of your situation as you can. Written evidence may include court or law enforcement documents, letters from a clergy member, school counselor or social worker, and/or any other relevant data that explains your special circumstance.
The financial aid office’s decision about your dependency status is final and cannot be appealed to the U.S. Department of Education.
There were a few bumps along the way, but he’s in college (full time), has a job that pays pretty well, and is definitely on the road to good things. He’s worked pretty hard and has become someone I respect more and more as time passes (I was skeptical at first).
The living situation got solved with a combination of us, and relatives, and he’s able to cover most college expenses. His Mom stole his first semester’s tuition* (she still had access to his savings account unfortunately), but he was able to recover and still enroll. We did help, but most of the credit goes to him.
I’ll add more updates later.
*you folks don’t know how close this came to me asking the SDMB to paypal me bail money. I was pissed.
About a year ago, he apparently asked his parents if I could adopt him. I had nothing to do with this- I think he was just angry at and fighting with his parents. This upset them greatly and they demanded he move back home and cut contact with my family (although we do get to see him occasionally and we all chat on-line).
He moved home, dropped out of high school and got a job.
The parents emptied his school accounts that I had been funding and made off with a couple hundred bucks, but whatever. The also took the debit card provided by his employer for folks without a bank account and relieved him of any cash he managed to acquire, including the birthday and holiday money we gave him.
Then! He re-enrolled in on-line high school with the assistance of a counselor at the high school nearest him. The parents don’t live in our school district and have not for quite a while now. I don’t know how they kept re-enrolling him in our schools. Anyway, he completed the program and went from being two years behind to graduating early.
We have been talking for a couple of years about about his dream to become a medical doctor. I told him he was certainly smart enough to be a doctor, but it would be a long and difficult road. He really put a lot of effort into researching his options and has decided to attend a local community college and pursue a associate degree in nursing. His primary fear was that in 4 years, he would not be accepted and/or not be able to afford a medical degree and be stuck with an unwanted biology degree. He decided that nursing would allow him to check out the field and if he likes nursing, he will stay there. If not, he will then be better positioned to pursue something medical- perhaps not an MD, but something else.
While we are slowly losing contact, I feel confident that this is a resourceful kid who will find a way for himself. He seems to be avoiding the pitfalls and traps his family sets and or stumbles in to all the time. I feel good about having provided a stable environment, a good example, and the hours of talking about what the future may hold. He was at my house for about 5 years. I love him like one of my own children.
God bless you for all the things you’ve done for the kid so far, pullin.
If I were in his shoes, though, I’d be a little worried. “What if LittleMissPullin and I broke up? Would pullin still help me, or would I be on my own again?” I’m sure we all know the answer to that question, but I’m sure that insecurity has popped into his head at least once.
God bless you for all the things you’ve done for the kid so far, pullin.
If I were in his shoes, though, I’d be a little worried. “What if LittleMissPullin and I broke up? Would pullin still help me, or would I be on my own again?” I’m sure we all know the answer to that question, but I’m sure that insecurity has popped into his head at least once.
We covered that possibility early on, and made sure they both understood our position. We’ve made it clear the relationship has no bearing on any assistance, and even a complete breakup will have no effect. I don’t know much about psychology, but I think it’s bad for any relationship to have a large power imbalance (no matter who it favors). He needs to be able to stand his ground in a disagreement without worrying about other effects.