I am an environmental scientist. I am not an uber statistics genius, but I know enough to make wonderful things happen with numbers. Many scientific fields need people who are competent in math. You don’t have to lurve it to be able to do it.
It sounds like you’re miserable. Sorry. But I also have to tell you…misery is the price you’re paying for an otherwise fortunate life. Most of us don’t get paid in such misery because we have taken risks. We have endured shit so that we can avoid the shit you’re dealing with. We have paid our dues shoveling shit. We endured the crappy apartment, the mean bosses, the undignified work, the being low-man-on-the-totem pole, the waking-up-at-God-forsaken hours, the broken down car, the running-after-the-bus-in-the-pouring-down-rain, the screaming customers, the embarrassments over failure, the disappointments, the everything. Hell, some of us have done all of these things and we’re still miserable. But you can’t be un-miserable without going through a lot of pain, or at least putting yourself at risk of experiencing it.
If you can’t enjoy the all-expenses-paid life that you are living, then you have to trade it for something else. Which means you have to endure some of the shit I just laid out above. If those things are too scary to you, then you simply aren’t miserable enough.
I don’t know anything about Jewish intelligensia culture. Frankly, that sounds like a made-up excuse (I’m angsty because I’m special!). But I do know how it feels to actively shape and challenge the reality you’re confronted with. You can’t help everything that you have to deal with in this life, but you do have a choice about what kinds of risks you take. People who say, “Fuck this shit! This is MY life!” tend to have a much more interesting story to tell than someone who sees his life as being controlled by others.