Why do you judge it delusional and immature, Dio? That is, is your reaction purely visceral, or do you have a reasoned argument?
Yes, the reasoned argument is that human beings do not bond organically as sexual/romantic groups. They bond as pairs. That’s how we’re wired. These kind sof “swingers,” and the like do what they do because they are incapable of genuine intimacy with another person. “Group” scenarios and “polyamory” and the like are tactics for avoiding intimacy (or often in the case of women, just going along with it to please men).
Your scenario is also awfully precious and clean – everybody loves each other and is faithful, there is no tension or cracks. Everybody is perfectly healthy and happy. Bullshit. That doesn’t happen in real life.
In my head, once Dorian has let “me” into the loop, there is an inevitable overshare- due to being the only one at work who knows, and thus “work wife”, receptacle of confidences and shoulder to cry on.
If that initial conversation with Dorian is the only time we discuss the ins and outs of their relationship, I’d be fine with it.
I have friends who have a whole “with benefits” thing going on, but I’d rather not know the details, and so we don’t discuss that aspect of their relationship, and I don’t discuss my single friends’ casual pickups either. I just don’t care to.
Friday’s? Yes, although as I remember it, (i) the wheels only came off when she outed herself as an AP and (ii) there was one prime dick and the rest were just too used to falling in with her control-freakery. (Names escape me, I haven’t read the book since my copy succumbed to damp about 20 years ago.)
Long as they’re not trying to pull me into the relationship I’m not fussed. I have too much other stuff going on in my life without worrying about which of the people I know is sleeping with which other ones.
You don’t hold hands with your wife in public? Hug her? Hold her close while standing in line? Kiss her hello or good-bye?
Anyway, the scenario is (intentionally) vague about what Chris & Reid were doing. ONe could easily assume that they were holding hands and perhaps hugging while in line, and kissing in the movie theater. Having not noticed “you” in behind them, they may have thought no one was around who knew them and they could relax.
By the way, I’m not sure what you mean by “turn off” here. Do you mean that you find public displays of affection simply distasteful to observe, or that you disapprove of them ethically, or something else?
I wrote that DORIAN was being discreet, not the other two. 
Yes it would change. If I lived in a more conservative local, Memphis, say, I would be pretty much guaranteed to seek out their company, because after having to hang around uptight smelly Memphis teabaggers (the non-gay, non-I-know-how-to-fucking-spell-shit-on-the-sign-I-wave-around-at-half-assed-demonstrations-looking-like-a-cracked-out-version-of-that-John-3:16-guy-at-football-games-with-meth-mouth variety of teabagging), I would be so sick of their bible belt bullshit that I would be desperately seeking out free-thinkers that did not want me to hire Chuck Norris to kick their testicles into their mouth (or, if money were tight, hire Jean-Claude van Damme to dance for them, until they actually inhale a testicle–their own–from laughing and shrieking in terror at the same time.)
Dude, get with the times. It doesn’t have to move. It doesn’t have to do anything. If you stick your dick in it, it’s a fucking cake.
Errr . . . perhaps I’ve said too much.
OK, fair enough. I didn’t vote because I was still thinking about it but now that I’ve had some time, I think I’d continue to be their friends. It might weird me out at first but as long as they were nice people otherwise, I think I’d recognize that maybe I just had some hang ups or prejudices. It’s not something I myself would ever choose but that doesn’t mean they still can’t be good people.
Hold hands or put an arm around her, yes. Make out, no.
You said “snuggling and kissing” in your OP. That’s not discreet.
Distasteful, obnoxious, self-absorbed (and I’m talking about stuff like necking and petting, not just holding hands or snuggling. I’m talking about the “get a room” stuff).
This is a distinction without a real difference, especially since he can see it yet does not comment on it. There’s an exhibitionist quality to that.
Of course there’s a real difference. Do you expect Dorian to control what the other two do? If so, how?
Besides, it was a joke. Hence the smilie.
ETA: Also, “snuggling” could easily mean raising the seat rest so that the larger person can more comfortably place his or her arm around the smaller person, who in turn places his or her head on the other’s chest. Likewise, “kissing” only implies lip to lip contact, not full on making out.
Dorian can explain it right away, since he would have to expect that “you” is discomfitted by it. Watching and saying nothing is a kind of passive-aggressive exhibitionism.
What the hell are you talking about?
Dorian isn’t present when the hypothetical protagonist sees Chris and Reid. If Dorian HAD been present, the HP wouldn’t have had any reason to say, “Hey, your spouse and best friend are making a fool out of you!”
My bad. For some reason I had it in my head that Dorian was standing with “you” in the line for the movie.
Okay. I’m sure I’ve been guilty of far more egregious misreadings. Thank Hera I’m pretty.
So why not all first names? (I’m just curious).
I misread it that way at first too, because ‘you’ can mean ‘you and Dorian’ or just you yourself, and in the sentences prior to ones about the cinema, you were talking about you and Dorian.
Anyway, if someone states that the *only[//i] possible bond is between two people, and it’s juvenile to act otherwise - oh, and there’s no chance of it working out - then the people in a loving poly relationship are unlikely to want to be friends with them.
Well, I’m in the majority on this one. Why would their romantic relationships have anything to do with me? If I enjoyed their company before, what would change that?
And by the way, I’d ask whether I can bring my Partner.
You had me at “you like them as much as you like Dorian”. Once that is established, what else is there to consider ? I don’t think I could ever be in something like that myself because I’m petty and insecure and jealous and generally unpleasant, but if it works for them, why the hell should I care ?
It would only be a problem if one of the four was just this massive, annoying douche the sight of which I couldn’t fucking stand. Because then I’d miss out on enjoying the company of three good people just because of that asshole. And the three good people would resent me for talking shit about and not liking that rat bastard they all love, and we’d have Words and even the business partnership would turn to shit.
And it would all be that one fuckstick’s fault. I hate that guy, fuck him or her and anybody looks like him or her.
Yeah!
It seems to this point I’ve been friends, to some degree, with all four of them already. I don’t see any reason why that would change just because all four of them are in a relationship together.
Adults can do whatever they want with other consenting adults. But I don’t have to be there with them. People who have this kind of relationship are too different from me to have more than a polite working relationship with me.
I don’t plan to comment further.