I’m not sure what that has to do with it. I live in an area that makes Memphis look like the freakin’ Castro, and it would never even occur to me that I shouldn’t be friends with people I otherwise liked just because they were in an unusual marriage. I have a hell of a lot of respect for people who thoughtfully buck convention–not for its own sake, but because they’ve found something that works better for them. People who can pull this off and really make it stable and happy for everyone are bound to be interesting.
That being said, the one concern I’d have about being close with such a group is that I wouldn’t want to get sucked into any “poly-drama”. I studiously avoid getting involved in my friends’ relationship dramas in general, but in my (almost entirely third-hand) experience, drama increases exponentially as more people get involved.
I wouldn’t and don’t care about their romantic relationships… consenting adults, yadda yadda. But thus far every poly I’ve attempted to be friends with has been an exceptionally lousy friend. For that reason I’d probably dial the friendship way back, for at least a couple years. If I can get a sense that friendship and loyalty are things they give more than lip service to, after a while I might consider opening up again. But in the meantime, I’m not about to give them ammo that they can use to hurt me.
Which is probably the more likely scenario. In spite of the OP, by the end of the project, you will be wondering why on earth Dorian agreed to marry Reid or how the other three can stand Chris. And you’ll be left with the question of how to remain friends with three spouses when the fourth drives you nuts (which is much more difficult than how to remain friends with one person when their spouse is awful.)
Although I am kind of surprised so many agree - obviously voted before seeing the results.
I knew of 5 guys who lived together in Northern California - and they shared two bedrooms, but it was optional every night as to which bed or bedroom. Sometimes they would all be together in one bed - maybe not for the night, but you know what I mean.
Last I heard, they were still all together after 6 years.
Granted, not for me - but sure would be interested in visiting them (they were friends of a friend of mine, and only got to meet them a few times).
The hard part for me is picturing going to someone’s house to do work-work, but once I gloss over that part and so long as they’re all consenting adults, I don’t have a problem. I’ve never considered my coworkers’ or friends’ sex lives to be any of my business except in wanting them all to be happy, anyway.
I don’t care what they do, but realistically I wouldn’t be hanging out with the lot of them anyway given that we have so little in common. Since I’m married, I could see going out with the couple on occasion. Since I work with one, I could see going out to a work lunch/dinner with her alone. But a monogamous couple with college-aged kids hanging out with the lot of them on a regular basis? Um, no.
The logistics of how to socialize with them could get awfully complicated for anything other than visiting them at their house; to invite them to any social gathering, instead of inviting one or two, you invite four every time?
So long as they’re stable and friendly, I really don’t care what kind of relationship they have. Let’s all hang, gang.
Now if they’re the psychotic poly people who want to suck the world into their bizarre drama, I wouldn’t want to be involved, but that has more to do with people being annoying than anything else. I’ve got plenty of friends who’re in poly relationships and while I don’t know anybody in a group marriage (sounds horrific to me), if they were worthwhile people (as opposed the crazy ass poly folk), then whatever. The more the merrier.
Heck yeah! How interesting. I had a co-worker who was into something similar/weirder. She knew a couple who would occasionally take in a ‘third’. She was that third at the time. That means, she pretty much lived with them, with the understanding that they were the primary couple, and that her as a third wasn’t permanent. This was completely fine with my friend, who had no desire for a traditional relationship at all. She was the most radical feminist I ever met and we disagreed with eachother on a lot of things, but her relationship choices certainly wasn’t one of them. Because I have a very non-traditional idea about marriage, it may be easy for me to accept strange setups like hers. She recently moved out of state. I sure do miss her. She had the most innnteresting stories!
I know several acquaintances in group marriages. And I rented a room from a set in college (who frequently invited me for a try out, in which I had NO interest).
I’ve never become really good friends with any of them (I have been pretty good friends with people in other poly arrangements), but it tends to be other things that keeps me at a distance, not their romantic relationships. I come across as fairly conservative, so while I don’t disapprove, I do come across as “not their kind” and maybe even “votes Republican.” So I don’t usually get let in close to those groups. Which is fine, they have to be comfortable with who they let in. Generally, I know not because they are open, but because their family situation is an open secret. But their situation doesn’t change how I react to them as people.
By the evidence given, we-the-protagonist seem to have lots in common with the group, excepting their unusual relationship structure (which nevertheless appears to be as stable and faithful as any monogamous marriage)… is that really enough to alienate so deeply? Recall there are two couples in the group; presumably hanging out with the four would be largely indistinguishable (to w-t-p, and even more so to other folks on the scene who didn’t know their circumstances) from just hanging out with two other couples.
I’d remain friends with them all. I find the concept of group marriage a little wacky and can’t quite picture how that can be truly okay with anyone, but I’m sure the same could be said about some things I do.
It’s not very often that I find people that I really like and feel like socializing with on a regular basis, especially a whole group of people, so if we all enjoy being around each other, then yay for all of us.
It’s not an alienation as much as a gravitation towards people like me. When I had young kids, I mostly hung around with other young families. Now that I’m nearly an empty nester, I’m hanging around more older couples, some with older children, some who never had children. I still have single friends, but I tend to hang out with them on a one-on-one basis.
Nah, it would creep me out, or at least make me uncomfortable. I can’t help it, I’m a one-man-at-a-time woman. There are other behaviors in this world that make me uncomfortable, too, just the way I am. Whatever floats your boat/none of my business/who am I to judge…no, it’s too …random, too chaotic underneath. I don’t trust any people with fuzzy boundaries. (I might enjoy reading about these mashups, or a movie.)
My thoughts exactly. Well, except for using Chuck Norris to do the kicking. He’s close enough to the teabagger camp that the first one I’d have him kick would be himself.
[quote=“amarinth, post:63, topic:552684”]
Really? Seems to me that liking 3 out of 4 would be easier than liking 1 of 2.