sorry about the pun in topic. 
I cant believe it, I actually clogged the toilet. I know everybody is going eeeeeeeeeeewwwww but i dont know what to do. I cant find a plunger. Is it safe to leave my logs on the river until tomarrow when I can safely locate a plunger? Or will this cause a nasty overflow? help me!
O woe woe and thrice woe.
I dread to think what you could do the the ecological balance of the river, but just think how much worse it could be if you or a friend had [b[also** managed to drop contact lenses into the toilet.
Does that make you feel happier (assuming, of course, that no such thing did happen)?
No?
Oh well, I never did have a career as a little ray of sunshine - sorry. Best I could do!
Good luck
I recommend finding a large butcher knife (something long) and using it to reach into the bowl to slice your work of art up a bit so there are smaller pieces. Ahem.
Then find the bleach for cleaning the knife.
And don’t tell me any more about how it worked out.
runs off to wash her hands
If it’s just a paper clog…
Take a 3-5 gallon bucket, fill it with water. Hold it about waist high and pour it into the bowl. The force of the water will clear the clog.
Do you have more than one bathroom in your house? If so, wait a couple of days and the turd will dissolve and become one with the water. If it’s a paper clog, you are shit outta luck (;)).
I’m sorry about your commode predicament. But I laugh every time I see the title of this thinking about Oops! I crapped my pants!
If you’re the only one who lives there, it’ll be fine to wait until you can get a plunger. If someone else shares that toilet, stick a note on the door or something and get thee to a Wal-Mart or other store that’s open 24 hours.
Jeepers, I’m glad I never have that problem!
:: ducks and runs ::
Good luck- hope everything comes out OK!
Zette 
A girlfriend once said, referring to me: “I swear he shits square”. At any rate, I have a toilet which clogs regularly just because the bend in the trap is too narrow. As I live alone I can often pour some warm water and leave it for a day, after which it has softened and will get through. As long as all the waste is under water the smell will not be a concern but if it is above water then you cannot leave it like that. If the waste is still mostly in the visible region I use a long, narrow, spatula to slice and push and just wipe it clean with toilet paper (that is the only use it has).
I find it frightening that there were not one, but two replies that involved physical manipulation of said cloggage. That’s just about the grossest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I realize that when you’re in dire straits, you have to use some unorthodox methods but isn’t there something, ANYTHING else you could do aside from cutting up your shit?
CrankyAsAnOldMan, a butcher knife? A food utensil of any sort? How could one ever go on using it, even if cleaned in bleach for months? That knife would be in the garbage so fast…
Well this is easy:
Old knife= $0
Call plumber=$100
Im in California, we have these low flush toilets with really narrow openings on the bottom, they are pretty clog-able.
Hell, if I started a thread everytime I clogged the toilet, I’d have well over a 1000 posts by now.
Scary thing is when your five year old son clogs the toilet with a log…
and no, I’m not kidding.
>> I find it frightening that there were not one, but two replies that involved physical manipulation of said cloggage. That’s just about the grossest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. I realize that when you’re in dire straits, you have to use some unorthodox methods but isn’t there something, ANYTHING else you could do aside from cutting up your shit?
What I find frightening is people so far removed from the real world. You have evidently led a very sheltered and comfortable life. There are jobs that have to be done and someone has to do them. Do you ever clean your toilet bowl? Or do you have servants who do it for you? In any case, do you dispose of all utensils used every time? If you step on dog shit, do you throw away your shoes? If you are faced with a clogged toilet and a plumber is not available, what would you do? Buy another house? Do you consider people who work dealing with sewage and garbage “unclean”? And finally, if you have no better alternative to offer, why do you bother posting?
well I thank you all for your advice. For those interested, it was a log clog ( ) and not a paper clog. So I checked on it today and either someone else has killed him or he came alive and is hiding somewhere in my house. I can just picture it, Mr.Hanky hiding in my closet. Waiting for some brave mortal to enter his new domain and take a piledriver to the dome.
How ironic, I was asked to “log in” before posting here.
We have a large lake near our house, Toledo Bend, that was formed when an enoumous log jam was allowed to sit for too long. It too impeded “steamers” for months and eventually stopped all traffic whatsoever… except for canoeists and swimmers.
Eventually all the logs sank but the damage was already done as river commerce had shifted elsewhere. Today it’s just a popular recreation and sightseeing area.
Lately though, many of the old logs are being reharvested. Seems these “old growth” logs have tremendous age rings on them and they make beautiful furniture. Maybe someday your logs will be towed off by some enterprising contractor, planed, sanded, and become a nice mantle for a fireplace. The ones with lots of knots on them are especially nice.
And Cranky, I can’t help butt imagine you telling someone “Hey, that slices like a hot knife through crap.”
- Soak knife in bleach overnight.
- Scrub for minimum 30 minutes with steel wool.
- Throw out the knife!
Use a KNIFE? GROSS OUT!
Untangle a wire hanger and use that, and then THROW IT OUT!
Even works if the stuff is down where you can’t see it.
Maybe you could blow up and tie off a brown paper bag, sneak up behind your clogged shitter and… Blam!
Sorry Zette! You KNOW who I thought of when I saw this thread title 
Well, if you don’t like that knife idea, I wonder how you can even handle using toilet paper? Do you use rubber gloves for that? 
Our local plumbers get 6 shots to protect themselves. One came here a couple weeks ago & as he was snaking my pipe I noticed all the stuff flying out as he pulled the snake out & he wasn’t wearing glasses or face protection. Gross.