Crazy customer story....

This afternoon, I had a customer come into the computer repair shop I’m working at that had a rather…unique, and amusing problem

I am being 100% serious here, this actually happened this afternoon, it sounds too strange to be true, but it is…

<MT> Me
<SC> Strange customer (man in his late thirties, about 6’ tall, stockily framed)

MT- Hi, welcome to <computer store>
SC- Hi, i have a kind of… strange… problem here, I think my PC has some viruses on it…
MT- well, it’s possible, I’ve noticed a lot more virus activity than normal, I’ve been fighting a Rootkit virus on a customer machine all afternoon…
SC- well, here’s the problem here, I go to <low voice>“adult websites”(he makes an “X” with his fingers and whispers every time he says “adult websites”) and I keep getting re-infected, I’ve had my computer worked on by five different shops, but I keep getting re-infected when I go back to those “adult websites”…
MT- so, when you go to a new …website…, you keep re-infecting your computer?
SC- no, I keep going back to the same “adult websites” and keep getting re-infected
MT- (mentally, I’m starting to get amused, but keep on a absolutely stony, , impartial businesslike facial expression) so, let me get this straight, you get your computer repaired, viruses killed, then you go back to the sites that caused the problem in the first place, and the machine gets re-infected?
SC- Yeah, that’s right, can I do something to prevent getting reinfected?
MT- Well… <must…remain…serious> have you tried <resist urge to laugh>…not going back to those …“websites”?
SC- I can’t, I can’t stop myself, I’ve tried <awkward pause>…isn’t there software I can put on my machine that will prevent me from going to those “adult websites”? something that will stop me from going to those “adult websites”?
<out of story here>
So, let me get this straight, this customer is asking me if I know of any way to STOP HIM FROM GOING TO ADULT WEBSITES?!?!:smack::rolleyes::smack: even after I told him to simply stop going to them?!? he’s admitting to himself that he, a supposed adult, has no self-control over his computing habits, and he needs a “Net Nanny” type program to protect him from …himself?
<back to story>
MT- Yes, there are internet filtering/blocking programs that can be installed, but it’d be easier and cheaper to simply not go to those websites, you wouldn’t have to keep spending money to get viruses cleaned off your machine…
SC- yeah, but I can’t stop myself, I need to have something installed on my machine to prevent me from visiting those “adult websites”
MT- If you feel you need 'net filtering software, we can certainly put it on order for you** ,but it’d be a lot simpler to just avoid those websites…
SC- okay, thank you, let me think about it, i really need something installed on my machine to prevent me from going back to those “adult websites” again…
MT- okay, do you want me to order the software for you?
SC- no, not yet, thanks for the information though…
<SC leaves>
after the door closes, and the customer drives off, the head tech and I look at each other and bust out laughing, about his inability to stop his visits to those “adult websites”

I said I really had to hold my tongue when he asked if there was any way I could stop him from visiting those sites, as my instinct was to respond thusly

“okay, customer, come here for a second, put your hand on the counter…”
<I mime getting a ruler>

we both laughed this off for the next few minutes, and the phrase “adult websites” has become our new inside joke…

That ain’t nothin’.*

Back when I worked at AOL we had a customer call who was really, really pissed.

I was taking escalated calls at the time and he got a hold of me.

His account had been canceled by AOL. AOL had a group of techs who would remove mal-ware/viri from customers machines. Turns out this guy had called in to get the same virus removed from his P.C. about 20 times. He kept going back to the exact same website. Over and over again. He was warned multiple times. Finally one of the AOL tech managers said ‘screw it’ and canceled the guys account for tech support abuse. The guy had the balls to bitch because his account was canceled, claiming that AOL should have stopped him from going to those websites and getting his PC infected.

That was an interesting call.


  • Side note, if it was just a couple of websites, I’d have just redirected the to in the hosts file and charged him a LOT of money to do this.

Is there something you can install on my machine to prevent me from editing out the DNS-poisoning entries for * adult websites* in my HOSTS file?

On a more serious note.
CableOne, one of our local ISPs has an option where they will activate a filter on their end to restrict access to “Adult Websites”. You might check around to see if any service providers in your area off that and then suggest that as an option for him.

I now return you to your previous pointing and snickering.

I think he was hoping for some kind of cover for his computer. Something made of very thin latex, with a sort of reservoir at the end for catching all that …nasty stuff. And when he wasn’t using it he could roll it up and put it in his wallet.

I am giggling that the Google-Ad at the bottom of this is

Virus and Trojan Remover
Download Free Trojan & Virus Scan Recommended and Used By The Experts

(Yes I know, that’s how it’s supposed to work, but directly following movingfinger’s post, it was perfect!)

For a moment, I thought that story would end with him blurting out that he was screwing his ethernet port or something… and that he had an STD…

But that story is great. You know, there are tons of “adult websites” … and not all of them have viruses. He must have a particular fetish, where there aren’t as many websites… and the ones that exist are infected…

Did it occur to you that he was really saying his kid or his wife wouldn’t/couldn’t stop visiting these sites, and that he was just being delicate?

It would explain why, “Just don’t visit those sites!”, fell on deaf ears.

Don’t deflections like that usually work the other way?

“Yeah, my, uh … my son was using my computer and was visiting these, uh … these … adult websites … see, and…”

I suppose it’s possible, however, if that was the case, why didn’t he want us to order the “net nanny” software for him, or even ask for more details (what brand is best, is it something he can install, etc…)

besides, he didn’t even have the machine in question with him, I certainly wouldn’t want to touch the machine without protection anyway…

Had a guy on sorta the other side of this when I did Apple support.

He got the phony virus popup alert, panicked and called. It seemed that the night before, he had made a visit to an adult web site and thought it had infected his computer. Now on a Mac, these things are useless and can’t infect your computer, just close the window. But we got several calls a week over those nasty “OMG! Ur Computer is Fuxxored!” popups.

This guy was SO embarrassed and afraid that he had done something wrong that he kept apologizing to me even after I got rid of it and told him that it was a fake alert, and kept saying that he was taking it as a sign from GOD that he had done something terribly terribly wrong and had narrowly dodged God’s Vengeance for his sins. (lol)

Had a hard time controlling my laughter during the call and told him again that it was a fake alert that many people were getting, mostly from normal web sites, and that visiting porn sites wasn’t necessarily a bad thing in moderation.

But he was convinced he had sinned and needed to atone.

Chimera, that’s funny. It’s right up there with MacTech’s post. Never thought anything that happened to my computer was divine intervention or anything. …but some less savvy people might.

Funny, funny.

But AOL did! By cancelling his account. No account => no internet. No internet => no going to those sites.