Create and share your own Encyclopedia Brown mysteries

Cafe Society
1

Ok, I grew up loving the Encyclopedia Brown books. Anyway, I got the idea that we could probably come up with some pretty interesting mysteries if we tried.

If anyone is interested in this, I’ve taken a stab at a mystery (caution: adult themes). Since it’s rather twisted, I renamed the main character to SDMB Brown so I guess it could be called a parody. If anyone else would like to contribute, feel free to deviate from my example, i.e. it doesn’t have to be twisted.

Anyway, is anyone interested in doing this? I am typing up my mystery and am planning to post it soon. Encouragement is appreciated (if you find the idea fun or appealing).

2

I’ve always loved Encyclopedia Brown! Although “adult themes” just for the sake of writing dirty EB stories kind of squicks me out (note: I am not sure if that’s what you mean), I’d be interested in at least reading some for the mystery aspect :slight_smile:

If I read enough and get the feel for them I might even write some myself.

3

Well, the title of my mystery is “SDMB Brown and The Case of the Pissing Contest”. It’s nearly done, so I suppose you can judge for yourself whether it’s too twisted.

4

SDMB Brown and The Case of the Pissing Contest

Mr. and Mrs. Brown had one child. They called him Leroy, and so did his teachers. Everyone else in Cecilville called him SDMB.

Leroy Brown’s head was like the SDMB. It was filled with facts he had learned there. He was like the entire SDMB web site walking around on sneakers.

Mr. Brown was the chief of police of Cecilville. It had the average number of crimes for a community its size. Yet for nearly a whole year no criminal had escaped arrest. Everybody in the state thought that Cecilville had the smartest policemen in the world. Of course, nobody knew a boy was the mastermind behind the town’s police force. Mr. Brown never said a word about the advice his son gave him. Who would believe that his best detective was only ten years old?

SDMB Brown did more than help his father solve mysteries. He helped the children of the neighborhood as well.

When school let out for the summer, he opened his own detective agency in the family garage. Every morning, he hung out his sign:

BROWN DETECTIVE AGENCY
“No case too small. 25 cents per day plus expenses”

The first customer that summer was Carlos McPhee. Carlos strode up to the Brown residence and plunked twenty-five cents into the coffee can beside SDMB.

“I want to hire you,” he said. “Mugs Beany has been mercilessly taunting me all year ever since I wet my pants playing right field at last year’s softball game. He keeps calling me Carlos McPeePee. I’ve begged and pleaded for him to stop and he finally agreed to do so if I could beat him at a challenge.”

“What did he have in mind,” SDMB inquired.

“Mugs challenged me to a pissing contest!”

SDMB was taken aback. “Wait, do you seriously mean Mugs Beany wants to literally have a pissing contest with you?”

“Yeah,” sighed Carlos. “The rules are simple: whomever can sustain a steady, unbroken flow the longest wins. And the kicker is that I accepted the challenge. You see, Mugs covets my Dick Trickle autographed rookie card. So, if I lose, Mugs gets my card, but if I win, Mugs will never call me Carlos McPeePee ever again.”

SDMB was incredulous. “Why did you take him up on it? Mugs is easily twice your size and if he has a proportionately sized bladder…”

“I know, I know,” said Carlos. “But I was desperate to have the taunting stopped. You don’t know what it’s been like. You gotta help me, SDMB. The contest is in one hour and Mugs has been loading up on lemonade all morning. I’m so nervous, I’ve gone to the bathroom already. Use that big brain of yours and help me out of this mess!”

SDMB closed his eyes. He always closed his eyes when he needed to think. Meanwhile, Carlos paced back and forth nervously, checking his watch every ten seconds. Finally, Carlos could stand it no longer. “What am I going to do SDMB?”

“Don’t worry,” said SDMB, the sides of his lips curling up in a smile. “I know exactly how you can beat Mugs Beany!”

HOW DID HE DO IT?

5

Solution: SDMB’s Aunt Margaret was in town visiting that week. She was a nursing student, so SDMB borrowed her catheter and used it to fill Carlos’s bladder with molasses. Although the flow rate was greatly reduced, Carlos was easily able to maintain a “steady, unbroken flow” far longer than Mugs Beany. Unfortunately for Carlos, he now had to endure his new nickname, Molasses.

6

Eeeeeww.

7

:smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley: :smiley:

This genre has extraordinary potential, unsettling though that first example is. Unfortunately I don’t have the time to try my hand at it right now, in fact I shouldn’t even be on the SDMB at all.

I eagerly await more stories, though, if anyone takes up the challenge.

8

Ok, here is a tamer, less twisted mystery:
SDMB Brown and the Strongman Contest

Mugs Beany was the leader of a gang of tough older boys. Fresh from his defeat against Carlos, Mugs and his gang paid a visit to SDMB Brown to get a little payback.

Luckily for SDMB, when Mugs got there, Sally Kimball happened to be around. Sally was the prettiest girl in the fifth grade and the best athlete. She could do what no kid had thought was possible: punch out Mugs Beany.

Whey they last fought, Mugs had gone down so often, the ground ached. Mugs hated being outsmarted by SDMB all the time and he was out for blood. But he dared not beat up SDMB with Sally around even with his gang. So instead, he wanted to humiliate SDMB. Since Mugs had far more upper body strength than SDMB, he challenged him to a Strongman Contest. Whomever could bench press the most weight would be declared the King of the Neighborhood.

Sally immediately stepped forward. “Bring it on, I’ll take you up on that challenge!”

“No way, this is between SDMB and me. We’re not competing for Queen of the Neighborhood,” sneered Mugs.

“Don’t worry, Sally,” said SDMB. “I can beat Mugs at the gym tomorrow!”

HOW DID HE DO IT?

Since SDMB is an avid reader of the Straight Dope, he knew that he could get a bench press shirt to use to defeat Mugs.

9

At the risk of getting off track—if you like a more “adult” EB, you might try the anime series “Case Closed” (aka Detective Conan). It’s rather like Encyclopedia Brown…only with more onscreen murders.

God damn I wish they’d been airing that show in the US when I was a kid. :frowning:

10

This thread is bringing back awesome memories.

11

If I remember my Encyclopedia Brown correctly, your story would have been closer to the spirit of the originals if [del]Encyclopedia[/del] SDMB had discovered how Mugs had been cheating.
By the way, I assume you know about Encyclopedia Brown’s suspicious death?

12

Damnit, damnit, damnit…

I knew that Modern Humorist hadn’t been producing any new content for ages now. What I didn’t know was they they’ve apparently pulled all their old content, including their amazing Encyclopedia Brown parody series. Damnit.

Well, I was able to find one of the stories reproduced elsewhere. It doesn’t have the terrific illustrations of the original, but at least the tale is there.

Damn shame about losing all the other ones, though.

13

I found this parody amusing. I was thinking of writing a Wikipedia-based case myself.

14

Good point. Since my kids, when I have them, aren’t going to know what the hell an encyclopedia was anyway, we may as well start getting used to the concept of Wikipedia Brown solving mysteries.

15

WIKIPEDIA BROWN AND THE CASE OF THE MISSING MUSEUM…UM, MERDE

One day, the curator of the Idanoville Museum asked Wikipedia Brown to help solve a theft. “You’ve gotta help me, Wikipedia Brown! Somebody stole all the priceless artifacts from the Presidential Wing of the museum!” Wikipedia decided to investigate at the hideout of the Diet Coke with Lemon Tigers (who had just sold the naming rights to their clubhouse for $5.3 million), since that was usually where things like this led to anyway.

When Wikipedia got to the clubhouse, he said, “Do you know where the missing artifacts from the museum are?”

Mugs replied, “No, but can I interest you in some authentic Nazi underpants?”

Wikipedia was surprised to discover that not only was Mugs quoting The Simpsons, he actually did have some historical artifacts on display- and they were exactly the ones that had been stolen from the museum!

“Like what you see? I’m selling them all. I’ve got George Washington’s wristwatch, a piece of hair from Abe Lincoln’s beard, the bullet Oswald used to shoot JFK…”

“I’ll be taking these back to the museum…most of them.”

WHICH ARTIFACT DID WIKIPEDIA KNOW WAS A FAKE, AND WHY?

The bullet. Lee Harvey Oswald didn’t shoot JFK, John Seigenthaler did! After Wikipedia announced his results, he was sued by Seigenthaler for libel and defamation of character. Mugs Beany is still at large, and the artifacts are still missing.