Well then Padeye you must lead us back to the true path. And sacrifices were mentioned in The Last Generation.
Panel 17
Jason, wild-eyed and blubbering, is now spread-eagle and tied down to stakes in the middle of the pentagram. The rest of the Dopers continue to stand in a circle, now chanting “Cecil, Cecil, Cecil.” Bi_Witch stands over jason with a dagger. The giggling demon floats overhead.
Bi_Witch: Christian newbies make the best sacrifices. They’re so pure and innocent.
A “bang, bang, bang” emanates from the front door
Bi_Witch: Ah, that must be the holy moderator, come to observe the sacrifice. BuffyFan, go let him in!
but is it REALLY the Holy Moderator? Could it be somebody else? Somebody bringing fire?
hint hint
LOL! I wonder what Cecil would think of this tract?
Panel 18
The gathering turns to the door as a nondescript man in a double breasted suit enters. He places a briefcase on a table and opens it. An unholy glow from the case illuminates his face. He removes a document and begins to read.
The Moderator’s Attorney: The Chicago Reader, Inc., and its agents, including the administrators and moderators of the Straight Dope Message Board, are in no way responsible for anything associated with any real life meeting of our members. While we permit SDMB users to post announcements and other discussion of meetings and events on the Straight Dope Message Board, we don’t organize, sponsor, endorse, approve, or have any formal association with such events or any activities that may occur at them. We don’t vouch for any individual or group organizing an event. Attend at your own risk. SDMB moderators and administrators who attend events do so as private individuals and not as representatives or agents of the Chicago Reader, Inc. We encourage all attendees at these events to obey the laws of the jurisdiction in which they are held.
Padeye, I don’t know how I’m going to top that, but I’ll think of some response.
Okay, gotta start wrapping this tract up.
Panel 19
Bi Witch Did you hear that Jason? Dopers can do ANYTHING WE WANT TO! Your feeble 10 Commandments tell you what not to do! WE have free will! You @#$%^&* fool!
And here(she brandishes the knife) is the instrument that will put our indelible mark on you! YOU ARE OURS NOW!
Jason(In a facial closeup inset) EEEEEEEEEEYOOOOW!!! That hurt! Oh my sweet Lord! What have you done to me?
The poor lost soul of Jason is tugged away by the demon, as the chanting crowd continues to murmur “Cecil is the Master, Cecil the All-Knowing”
** Panel 20**
The Door is burst open and all Straight Dope members are Horrified at the site before them. Ther is Bob with his shirt torn exposing half of his shaved chest. He is Brandishing a Flame thrower and behind gritted teeth bellows
BOB Sinners Beware! ** Prepare yourselves for Judgement day as I bring the might of the Lord upon thee with the vengence of Fire to purify you and smite the demons that plague this unholy institution!**
Moderators Attorney Excuse me sir but that is slander.
Bi Witch GASP! It is Bob! Get him boys!
Ok maybe I’m taking it too far but damn what an image
Two more panels to go! Or is it just one? I’m not sure if the “check off” panel is officially part of the story.
Panel 21
We see Jason standing before the faceless God on his toilet. An angel is standind behind Jason.
Jason: I’m so sorry, Lord, I didn’t know what they were. They seemed so nice online.
Faceless god: You were warned, Jason, and now you have died in your sin. This is no second chance. My faithful servant, Bob, has dealt with all your Cecilist friends and now you will join them in Hell forever. Goodbye.
That shoud have said “there is no second chance,” not “this is…”
Is panel 19 supposed to be a JDT reference?
You know, I wondered if anyone would catch that!
ok over my head, a “Jtd reference”?
JDT are the initials of a former poster who is now, ummm, banned. He had, shall we say, an obsession with a certain portion of his anatomy. There is a recent thread in General Questions, started (1/30/03) by a poster named purgepro. Read through it and the reference will be clear.
And as long as I’m posting, I just want to say - great work guys! These are amazingly funny.
Okay. That went in a different direction than I expected but it works.
“Cecilist?” I would have gone with “Cecilian Mafia.”
So is this tract over? No “sum up” or decision panel? Anyway, this was fun!
Shall we do as Padeye suggested on 2/26 and do just onemore, this one “a more traditional Chick story” without Bob? He does get a little old after a while. Or do we ccomplete a trilogy with a completely total parody? I’d lean towards the former myself, because with guys like Chick, who needs to parody?
Ideas? Titles? Suggestions? Third time’s the charm you know!
OK, I know this is soon but I had two ideas, and this is my last post for a few hours, and my first break. I have to leave for my stupid* job in a few minutes.
*Actually, I really like my job, it’s just that it’s been distracting me from this thread!
It occurred to me that in the Chick tracts I have read, when you see women outside of the home, they are usually “not on God’s side”. Also, the folks who encourage others towards salvation are almost always male. What about Girls Just Want To Have Fun, about the dangers of women outside the traditional wife and mother role? It could sort of parallel Dark Dungeons, with the main character getting saved, while the supporting character comes to a sad end. Two girls in school wanting CAREERS, even partying, but one starts to feel empty, you get the drift.
As an alternative, for a total parody, we could do one where real Dopers are roasted, with names named. Only with their explicit consent of course. I saw in “Cite?” that Padeye used his own name and that was fun, talking about all the alcohol consumed at a Dopefest.