My late husband was British and lived in the US during our marriage. He had a great way of handling this: He liked it. He saw it as interest and flattery (no one ever asked without saying they liked his accent). He went from being an ordinary ginger-haired Tyke in the UK to being a rock star here.
I wish more people in England and Scotland would comment on my American accent. Only a very few have, and when they do, I like it. I was recently in Ireland and loved how friendly and curious the people were there.
Exactly. As an expat I wasn’t asked every day, but any time I would strike up a conversation at a bar with a local, it was a normal question. Hell, even here in Chicago people will ask me what part of town I’m from. It’s a perfectly normal conversational ice breaker.
To Brenda, pulkymell, and Surly Chick, it is different if you actually are a foreigner, is it not? I am not a foreigner, and as I said, i certainly don’t have a foreign accent. It comes across as “You have a weird name” or “You are substantially browner than the average person.”
I have far more sympathy for you, and never ask someone without an accent where they are from. I agree, it is rude. My mom did this once with a doctor who looked to be of Asian descent, but spoke without an accent. His deadpan answer was “Texas.” I felt badly for him, and was glad that he sort of put her in her place. I would have fussed at her later if it would have done any good.
I think those who move here, you are gong to get that question, and should accept it gracefully, sort of like you signed on for driving on the other side of the road and filling out Homeland Security forms. Americans see asking where you are from as a polite thing. It feels rude to me when I am the foreigner and people don’t ask. That probably seems crazy to you, but to us, it is a form of showing interest and admiration. Accept it as that and your blood pressure will go down or get pissed about it. It is your choice.
And that’s just it, really. Because if I am over in England, say, and someone asks me where I am from, you bet your bippie I am going to say “The States”. Because that is where I am from.
Plus, I forgot to say earlier, it totally depends on how the person asks, too. If i feel the person is genuinely curious, and interested, I don’t mind being asked. It’s just the “I can’t say your name…what are you?” that irritates me.
You guys disagree when it’s being used as an icebreaker… fine.
But what about when people interrupt the foreigner to ask out of the blue? I can’t believe anyone wouldn’t consider that rude.
Example. I was at a party with two friends (Americans) and we met this bunch of 3 or 4 girls, also Americans. We are all chatting backwards and forth, you know the usual awkwardness, and this one girl sort of stops the conversation and asks, ‘where are you from’, in a sort of half-flirtatious half “you talk funny” way, interrupting everybody. Silence while I explain myself. It’s jarring and lazy and puts people on the spot. I didn’t make a fuss because she seemed like a nice girl, but come on.
But not everyone enjoys involuntarily standing out for something they have no control over.
But in any case, I guess the problem isn’t so much the question, but what inevitably follows it, as the OP describes: crass stereotypes, old jokes, stories about study abroad in neighbouring countries, etc etc, all very lame.
Don’t think that I get very angry or upset by it, it’s just one of life’s little annoyances.
Despite my smartass answer earlier, I don’t really care if I’m asked where I’m from or not. If they don’t ask, I am happy, if they do ask, I’ll think “here it is again, that question” and answer it.
I’m from Indiana, though, and I get a sort of malicious glee from saying so. People get kind of a faraway expression on their face and then an awkward silence descends. It would be simpler for them if I said Florida or something heheheh
I do get a bit tired of being foreign, though. I’ve thought about trying to speak like everyone else, and I might actually get serious about it someday. Yeah, it’s nice having something special to talk about and exchanging idioms and talking about their vacations where they drove on, my gosh, the other side of the road…but sometimes I just want to do my job.
I guess. In Chicago, it’s a relatively normal question (although not quite as common these days as ethnicities become more and more of a jumble) to ask someone “what are you?” or “where’s your family from?” as a question of ethnic ancestry, so perhaps I’m used to it/jaded by it. Never really occurred to me to be offended by the question.
I’ve dealt with this issue all my life. I’m nonwhite and I have a non-Anglo name. “Where are you from?” is a frequent question. Sometimes I don’t mind it. Sometimes, I just want to answer “America” and leave it at that.
I’m not offended, unless the question was put in an offensive way. I’m just weary of it.
Forget me, because I have a lot of Indian traits still - I speak the language, have visited a bunch of times, wear the clothes, listen to the music. Take my SO. He was born and bred here. He doesn’t speak Mandarin or Cantonese or any Chinese language. He has never been to China and mostly thinks the country is a bunch of money sucking amoral commies. He doesn’t listen to Chinese music and only watches Chinese flicks because I like them.
And people are still asking him, “Where are you from?” And he’s all, “Long Island” because that is his identity.
Yup, I agree. Some people come across as ignorant xenophobes. (They might not be xenophobes, but some of them are grossly ignorant about other countries.) If you’re going to ask, then at least have a clue about the possibilities, and show some genuine interest in the answer. Otherwise, break the ice some other way.
Hmmm, well I’m living in New England now and people still ask me because I don’t have a NE accent (I’m from outside Chicago originally). It’s usually prefaced by “You’re from away*, aren’t you?” Which I guess I could find offensive but I don’t because I am.
*If your family hasn’t lived in NE since the Mayflower landed, you’re “from away.”
You seem to have missed the lack of desire to “volunteer personal information to complete strangers.” If I’m never going to see the person again, and they wouldn’t have said two words to me if I didn’t ‘speak funny’, why are they asking?
Oh! Also, here’s a potential scenario that 'd love to use someday:
Stranger: “Where are you from?”
Waxwinged: “Don’t you know that curiosity killed the cat?”
Stranger: “But satisfaction brought it back.”
Waxwinged: “And then I wrung its scrawny little neck.” (Complete with hand-motions to illustrate.)
A friend of mine who was in the pro wrestling business would answer this question “from parts unknown” because it’s such a cliche. (Apparently there was even once a pro wrestler known as “Mr. Atlanta, from parts unknown.”)
heheheh