Seriously. I found one of you fuckers. I hope it was the mate of the one that’s still alive and waking me up!!!

That’s right. I’ll hunt your ass. Did you not see me roll the 'frige out from the wall, spot your lover and beat him with a broom like I was the Star Wars kid? It felt so good I had to smoke a cigarette afterwards. I can’t find you yet, but I will.

Oh, and thanks to my eating/shitting/sleeping machine that some might call a cat. Keep eating/shitting/sleeping/fucking up my hands. Don’t actually contribute to anything around here and Fucking kill these fuckers


Crickets suck rubber donkey lungs.

I had that in my old apartment, not just one and his lover but a whole freaking playground of them. I finally gave up and called out the Evil Chemicals Men. I tripped over dead crickets for days but it was finally freaking quiet!!!

In other words, I feel your pain.

Bruce_Daddy, when you’re done snuffing Jiminy’s love pump, I’ve got one Hell-of-an annoying mockingbird I’d love for you to give the treatment to. This sumbitch sings for hours after midnight and just when you finally drift off to sleep, the fucker busts out with a sunrise serenade.

The one problem is, all he saw were some headlights passing by and it’s still only three in the fricking morning!.

I’m pretty sure this bird is the same juvenile sucker I had to chase off with low speed air gun pellets over a year ago. It makes me wish my neighbor still had all of his cats.

Well (in a my shit stinks worse tone of voice) at least he’s outside. These fuckers are in my house. And nearly invisible. If they were 6 inches tall and covered with feathers they would have been dead days ago. And what are these bastards living on? Crumbs?

Everybody note the time of my original post. It was an hour after I woke up but something was wrong with the boards at 5 am.

I’m subleasing a house with some people for the summer, and the guy who stays in my room during the school year put sticky traps behind the desk. There are a couple crickets in there that I leave out as a warning to all the others.

Don’t you just hate it how they get quiet when you’re close? That’s the biggest hurdle in hunting them successfully.

Between 4 and 5 a.m. Eastern Time, the board shuts down for maintenance. Tragically, between 4 and 5 a.m. happens to be the best time for incoherent rants about noisy insects, as well as asking for opinions on that screenplay you’ve been writing about the lesbian robot because you’ve just thought up a shocking and novel (yet perfectly logical) twist: she’s a Lutheran!

At no other time of day would this sound like a good idea, so the maintenance cycle actually helps filter out some of the more bizarre threads.

When I was a kid, some girl told me that killing crickets was bad luck. So I always used to try an catch the ones that got into my parents’ house and throw them outside.

Years later in my first apartment, while chasing several crickets around trying to catch them, I had a revelation. :smack: I went to the closet, got a can of carburetor cleaner, and the crickets met their maker. I haven’t had too much bad luck after that so I figure that killing them really wasn’t as bad as that girl implied.

When I was a kid, my brother and I used to play ambulance with crickets. We had a couple of matchbox car-sized ambulances, complete with doors that could be opened and closed. As luck would have it, they were just big enough to fit a cricket into. So, we would tear a leg or two off of these crickets (they had to be hurt if they were in the ambulance, right?) we would shove them in the ambulance and send them to the hospital. Unfortunately for these crickets, the hospital was in the living room, across a hardwood-floor to carpet boundary. So we would roll the ambulances across the hardwood as fast as we could… they would impact the edge of the carpet and go flying across the living room.

Ah, memories.

Just thinking of crikets turns me into a raving Lewis Black-esque lunitic! I too will tear the house nearly down to find them and kill them, then do a little insect death dance over the corpse.

Maybe I should get a hobby.

Catch and Release: Synopsis of the Criminal Justice System

This is the sickest…yet strangely funniest thing I have ever read.

I really should be ashamed of myself right now.


Crickets, bah. Spring peepers are crickets crossed with a goose by a mad scientist. If I ever find that scientist, there will be hell to pay.

Gee, thanks avabeth. Just the effect I was going for. Funny, yet disturbing.


It could be worse.

I don’t have any clever “cricket” stories, Oh wait, maybe this will make the cricket haters happy.

My sister used to work at a pet store part time and I’d help her out after hours, when they fed the lizards and toads…


It was sort of funny in a sick way, the crickets merrily hopping along, and then GULP, nothing but kicking legs going down a lizard’s gullet.

(if lizards have gullets:D)

Anyway, the OP was hilarious and brought a much needed laugh to me!!! Sorry it was at your expense.

Parktown prawns sing dis song
chirp chirp, chirp chirp
Parktown prawns sing dis song
all de doo dah night…

TeaRoses is not as funny as she wishes to be.

I have to keep crickets for just this purpose. I hate the evil little things, so I’m happy to see them disappear (although my lizard crunches them loudly).

I usually hand-feed the crickets to the lizard one or two at a time from a little cup. Unfortunately, a few days ago when I was feeding her, one of the crickets jumped onto the hand that was holding the larger cup, causing me to recoil violently and spill at least ten crickets into the terrarium. At least two of those have grown wings and merrily chirp loudly all night long. The crickets are nocturnal and hide under rocks and branches until dark, then they come out and hop all over, eating the lizard’s veggies and plants. The lizard is diurnal, and she sleeps like a log from lights out until daybreak. I am slowly coming to accept the fact that I will have to catch these things myself (upon which I plan to feed them more carefully to the lizard).

The crickets are pretty much confined to the lizard habitat here, but we had a cricket problem in our old house. I became adept at finding them by sound alone, but it took a long, long time to develop the skill.

So do I. Sometimes I am ready to eat the little fuckers myself, just to shut them up. Love you frogface, but I sjure as shit wish you ate musli.

Funny story InternetLegend!

Other than shipping them in for pet food, Alaska has no crickets. I know I’ll make everyone want to just barf, but I love it when I go to the states and go out on a warm evening and they’re all singing merrily away!!!

All singing merrily away, meters away, outdoors is lovely.
One fucker somewhere in your house, is so loud that you wouldn’t believe it. Them being locked in a plastic or glass box seems to make it a little louder, but even the one that escaped and is hiding in the laundry basket is so loud that closing doors doesn’t help, earplugs don’t help.

And they have no concept of fear, shouting at them shuts them up the first time, but they stay quiet for shorter and shorter periods of time. They learn! You have to vary your attacks, a shout, a stamp, flicking the box they are in, it all wears off as they learn not to be afraid of you cos you are such a pussy that while you will feed them live to frogs you wont clip their wings to shut them up.


I don’t know who “frogface” is, but I hope it’s not Mrs.Iteki! :eek: