Critique this passage from "The Chicago Manual of Style"

Cafe Society
1

While waiting for a SDMB search, I read bits of “The Chicago Manual of Style”, and found the following section lacking. The spelling and grammar are fine. But it’s verbose, and . . . poor in a couple of other ways. I’d like conformation. Put yourself in the shoes of a high school English teacher or a professional editor, and say how this excerpt could be improved (It’s from the introduction on the chapter on quotations):

"Almost every serious study depends in part on words that have preceded it. Ideally, authors of works of original scholarship present their arguments in their own words, illustrating and amplifying the text with quotations judiciously chosen from the works of others. In selecting questions, authors should consider their readers. Is direct quotation desirable, or would a paraphrase be more effective? …

‘Quoting other writers and citing the places where their words are to be found are by now such common practices that it is pardonable to look upon the habit as natural, not to say instinctive.’"

(I have a preferred rewrite.)

2

Well, wearing the shoes of a professional editor . . .

I see a few possible minor tweaks, but to me the passage is clear and gets its point across. It also retains the typical style found in the rest of CMS.

If it bothers you that much, you could send your rewrite to the committee that’s working on the 15th edition.

3

Goodness, I’m so glad I didn’t post this self-inflicted train wreck to the Pit! The original passage reads:

"Almost every serious study depends in part on works that have preceded it. Ideally, authors of works of original scholarship present their arguments in their own words, illustrating and amplifying the text with quotations judiciously chosen from the works of others. In selecting quotations, authors should consider their readers. Is direct quotation desirable, or would a paraphrase be more effective?..

‘Quoting other writers and citing the places where their words are to be found are by now such common practices that it is pardonable to look upon the habit as natural, not to say instinctive.’"